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I t took half an hour of joint effort, but eventually they got Rose’s car from the ditch and towed it home in disgrace. Round the curve of the hill, Rose had felt in the middle of nowhere, but it took seconds to retrace the curve to see the outskirts of town peeking round to greet them.

Her arms still burned where he’d touched them, but as they passed the church, Rob slowed, his eyes leaving the road for a moment before he concentrated on the road again.

Rose bit her lip. Rob had shown the utmost respect of her privacy while admitting he was fully aware of everything the town thought it knew about her. He didn’t know she had been told about his loss.

One day he might mention it, and then she’d either have to pretend to be aghast or tell him she’d known all along, or she could cut to the chase now. She knew which she’d prefer if she was in his shoes.

‘Rob,’ she hesitated. ‘Sam took me on a tour the other day. We ended up at the church and she showed me Saoirse and Seren’s grave. I haven’t had a chance to tell you. I’m really sorry and I know those words are near enough meaningless.’

Rob breathed in deeply, then exhaled but said nothing.

Rose clenched her fists in her lap, wishing she’d kept quiet. The warmth of desire was replaced with the cold of embarrassment.

‘Thanks,’ he said at last. ‘Thanks for being honest about that.’

Rose realised she’d been holding her breath and let it out as softly as she could. There were no right questions and no right responses. He might want to talk, he might be sick of talking. Seven years might have anaesthetised him or she may just have opened the stopper on the bottle.

‘Do you want to collect some paint from Higgins anyway?’ he asked, ‘since we’re passing.’ Small talk.

‘No thanks. I picked up some brochures. I think I need to work out what colours I actually need. I sort of know the effect I want, but don’t really know how to get it. I’ve sort of spent my whole life living in inherited decor. You know, parents’, university accommodation, hotels etc etc.’

She was gabbling. What had made her think he was attracted to her? It wasn’t as if she wanted him to be. ‘I just wanted to be somewhere else,’ she repeated. ‘I’m not normally this mad.’

Rob picked up speed a little as the passed through the large intestine of Kirkglen ‘I don’t think you’re mad.’

Polite.

They were silent, Rose’s fingernails were digging into her palm. What if he didn’t want her in the band anymore? For a second or two, she wondered which was worse, his thinking she was insane and unattractive or not being able to bury herself in the whirlpool of music creation.

‘Let me tell you about Saoirse,’ he said.

‘She crashed in the same place you did. Only she hadn’t managed to steer to the left.

She overshot over the right hand edge and rolled three or four times.

There was more undergrowth then and the car wasn’t obviously visible.

It was a bad day and it was dusk. Probably three hours passed before anyone spotted the lights and went to check them out. ’

‘Oh Rob…’

‘Saoirse was twenty-five weeks pregnant. We knew it was a girl and Saoirse said the movements felt like twinkling, so we called her Seren which is Welsh for star. We thought it would be our Celtic baby: Scots dad, Irish mum, Welsh name. But anyway… Seren stood no chance. Saoirse survived for a while. They got her to the hospital but she’d lost too much blood and perhaps there was brain damage.

I don’t know. She never came round. And I couldn’t get to the hospital in time.

I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye.’

Rose hesitated, then reached out for his hand. Her touch made him turn to her. He had no tears in his eyes or voice, but there was a twist in his mouth.

‘What was your last conversation with David?’ he said.

‘It was something about plumbing,’ she answered. ‘He said “Get Mick’s brother in to look at the shower,” and I said “I don’t trust Mick’s brother, he never does things properly” and then there was a lot of shouting in the background and we got cut off.’

‘My last conversation with Saoirse was a bit of a row too. ’

They were out the other side of town now, passing the last straggling houses before they drove the last lonely miles to home.

‘Saoirse wanted to get out of town and have some time to herself. She decided to decorate Seren’s room and knew Higgins wouldn’t have what she wanted. You’ve seen my sitting room. She liked a lot of colour. My last words were “No more bloody blue paint” before she drove off.’

‘It wouldn’t have made a difference though.’ Rose said softly. ‘You know what you both meant under all the domestic stuff.’ She wasn’t sure if she was talking to him or herself.

Rob grunted then heaved a sigh.

‘Anyway, at least she wasn’t a townie. You know what they’re like. Think they know everything and actually know nothing because they haven’t got a yokel sixth sense.’

Rose looked at him again and saw that the twist in his mouth had turned up. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye and gave her a wink like he had before, lifting his thumb from the gear leaver to give her hand a sort of squeeze. She laughed, tension leaving her as she withdrew her hand.

‘That rudeness was to put you off the scent,’ she said, then dropped her voice to a whisper, ‘Do you want to know a secret?’

‘Go on then.’

‘I’m not a townie really. It’s all a front. I was born in a small place like this myself. We moved to the city with Dad’s job when we were kids. I’m a double-agent.’

The bungalows were in sight now and looking at hers, the sun dropping in the sky towards the forest behind it, Rose felt something akin to relief. She could make it work. She could.

‘Give yourself a break, Rose,’ said Rob as he pulled up.

‘It’s ok to be mad, just not to give in.

’ They got out and he went to unhitch the car.

‘When Patrick gets here, he can check it over and get his garage to collect it. Which reminds me,’ he looked at his watch.

‘He and Craig will be arriving in ten minutes. We need to get you out of those wet clothes and into something suitable for band practice.’

Rose blinked and felt her cheeks redden.

It was just a turn of phrase, the royal ‘we’.

Although didn’t the royal ‘we’ actually mean ‘I’?

He was twinkling at her, a suppressed grin just discernible.

She put on her best prim voice, mimicking Emmeline and said ‘I don’t think you mean ‘we’, Mr Bailie, tut tut,’ then started to cross the road to her own place.

Did she hear him say ‘You reckon’?

She couldn’t be sure. He was certainly chuckling. A sudden sense of the ridiculous overwhelmed her and as she started chuckling too, Rose went to shower and change.