Page 14 of The Healer and the Wolf, Part One

14

VANESSA

I t seemed a bit risky to travel to an unknown location in the forest with a man who was, at best, only about three-quarters in his right mind, and yet I found myself eager to do so.

I’d always loved the depths of the woods; the trees all linked together in a beautiful, ever-changing canopy, the various sounds of the fauna, and the moraine of the ground providing fuel for so much life.

Was it particularly strange that the woods made me feel so much more comfortable than any city or suburb had? Perhaps, but it wasn’t like I could change it now.

“This way,” Leo urged, sparing the quickest of glances over his shoulder.

Wandering into the woods with a strange man was the premise of at least a dozen different horror movies, but I’d already established I wouldn’t survive those, so it was what it was.

“I’ve gone this direction before,” I said as we passed a couple of familiar oaks leaning on each other for support, forming a natural arch. “I usually find some chanterelles in this area during the summer or fall.”

“Chanterelles?”

It was impossible for me not to brighten a little at the opportunity to infodump about foraging. “It’s a type of mushroom that only grows on hardwoods. They look a lot like chicken of the woods, but a little less vibrant, and more fluted like oyster mushrooms.”

Leo turned around and give me a bright smile. It was dazzling enough that I nearly lost my footing. How did a guy who’d spent goodness knew how long as a wolf, chomping on bones, have such a perfect smile? “How do you know so much about everything?”

He said it with so much enthusiasm that I had to laugh, which just seemed to confuse him and make me feel a little guilty. Goodness, I was such a mishmash of emotions around Leo. It was like the entire world had forced me to be duller, to tuck myself away and be less obtrusive, but Leo brought out how I was supposed to be. The real me. Which was ludicrous, but that was how it felt.

“Sorry; I’m not laughing at you. It’s just that I know far from everything. In fact, I would say I know hardly anything in the grand scheme of things. Growing things, making stuff, and foraging is kind of my special interest.”

That was putting it mildly. Sometimes, it felt like if I didn’t spend time touching the earth and interacting with nature, I would go stark-raving mad. Perhaps that made it a compulsion, maybe even an addiction, rather than a special interest. Eh, there were worse habits to have. Besides, how many people could say their obsession provided them with lots of yummy food? I bet not a ton.

“You say it as if those are simple things.” He was looking at me with that intense expression again. The one that spread goosebumps along my skin and catapulted my mind back to the time we spent together in the shower.

Despite the fact he’d been naked, it hadn’t been remotely sexual. However, that didn’t mean it wasn’t intense. Ever since, I’d been acutely aware of every single spot where Leo and I had touched. His shoulders had practically burned into the sides of my calves, my thighs, and I’d felt the rhythm of his breath against my core. I hadn’t been intimate like that with anyone in my entire life, and I wouldn’t ever forget it.

I shrugged. “They are to me.”

Leo gave a little chuckle, then turned around, leading me through the trees. The farther we went, the less and less I recognized the space around us. After perhaps fifteen minutes or so, my feet started to hurt. Normally, I could hike for a couple of hours, but my shift had really taken it out of me. Especially since Tiffany had called out at the last minute, and I’d spent what was supposed to be a vacation day unpacking an entire dairy truck all on my lonesome.

If we were going to be walking much longer, I’d have to tell Leo we needed to do it another it time. Thankfully, we reached a break in the trees, where a small stream ran through the lush greenery.

“Oh, this is beautiful,” I said, taking a deep breath. And it really was. Cattails and pickerelweed dotted the area, and the sharp scent of citronella washed over me. While the former two were native species, the citronella must have been planted intentionally since it was only native to tropical regions, like Australia and the Western Pacific. I was grateful for it, however, because it was excellent at keeping mosquitos away—a must at a water source once summer hit.

“It should be here somewhere…” Leo murmured, looking this way and that.

“What should be?”

“A hiding spot,” he murmured. “One I used in both lives.”

More than a bit intrigued, I followed closely behind him. The sound of the water was so soothing, and even though we hadn’t found the mystery place Leo was looking for, I found the stress easing out of my body with every passing second.

Nature was truly healing in such a strong way. I’d read a study once about the complications of long-term space travel. Not being around nature was one of the biggest complications. Humans needed exposure to trees and greenery or they could get legitimately sick. That fascinated me, and it made sense considering that when I spent too much time in the grocery store, I often wanted to rip my own head off.

I liked living in modern society. I liked having my laptop, my TV, a wonderful working stove, fridge, and definitely hot, running water. But also, I hated so much of how society worked. The relentless grind, the greed, the cruelty. So many people only cared about themselves and not how they hurt others. It made my heart ache so fiercely sometimes that even living seemed futile.

“Here it is,” Leo said with that same excitement when he’d remembered how to read.

Peeking around his shoulder, I saw a small, narrow opening of a cave hidden beneath the thick boughs of a weeping willow.

“That’s your hiding spot?” I murmured, more than a bit worried. I couldn’t help but wonder if there was a bear or some other wild animal taking up the space. After all, such a space had to be prime real estate in the animal world.

“It is,” he said with a smile that took away all my fears. Well, most of them. “You got a lighter?”

“Uh, no. I don’t smoke. But I have my flashlight on my phone.” I was right back to dreading going into the cave again. I didn’t like the idea of going into a small, cramped space within the earth, cut off from sunlight and greenery. Although, being around the roots of a willow tree did sound cool. It was such a powerful tree that it could literally pulverize concrete foundations.

Plants were amazing like that.

“That’ll do. I think I have a lighter somewhere in there.”

“Okay.”

Flicking on my flashlight, I handed my phone over to Leo and let him lead the way again. I stuck close to his back as he headed into the narrow entrance, the darkness barely held at bay by the illumination from my device.

I didn’t know quite what to expect. Maybe a small opening a bit farther in that we could both sit in? But that wasn’t what was awaiting us at all. While the path did suddenly widen about fifteen feet in, the area wasn’t small. It was practically the size of a very large living room and outfitted with creature comforts I hadn’t expected.

One half of it had a couple of camping chairs, a cooler with a solid layer of dust on it, a lantern, and a distinct fire circle in the center. The other side, however, had a hay pile as well as a heap of gnawed animal bones.

“You really did use this in both forms,” I murmured, taking it all in. The more I looked, the more I saw: a couple of hooks chiseled into the wall to hang things from, and a small shelf with camping supplies on it.

“Somehow, it stuck with my wolf form,” Leo said fondly. “I wasn’t aware I was going to a place I already knew, and I guess I didn’t realize it until we were talking.”

“I’m sorry so much was taken from you,” I said, tentatively resting my hand on his shoulder. We hadn’t touched since the night I’d helped him bathe, and electricity shot up my arm. Holy cow, my body was always so keyed up around him, like it was expecting things it very much shouldn’t. “But it seems like you’re getting it back.”

Leo nodded. “I think so. But so much is still missing.”

“I’m sorry,” I repeated, not sure what else I could say. It wasn’t like an amnesia-inducing, animal curse was a common topic of conversation.

“You have nothing to apologize for. Without you, I wouldn’t be here.”

“I don’t know about that,” I said, my damn cheeks coloring yet again. I needed to stop blushing so much around Leo or he was going to think that was my permanent complexion.

“I do,” he said firmly.

I had a comeback for that, but Leo passed me my phone, then started looking around for something. I was grateful for the reprieve. Sometimes Leo made me so tongue-tied. I wasn’t used to people talking as plainly as he did, and honestly, it was a breath of fresh air just as much as it was confounding.

“Ah, here it is.” Leo turned to me, holding something up. I couldn’t tell what it was for a moment, then realized it was indeed a lighter. “Let’s see if it still works.”

He picked up the lamp next, and after a few faulty starts, the lighter produced a flame. With a quick turn of the knob on the side of the lamp, a much warmer, cozier light filled the cave.

“This is really nice,” I said, more than a bit surprised. Despite my love of nature, I wasn’t a big camper. All things considered, I never really had much of an opportunity to camp. “Makes this place feel homey.”

“Homey…” Leo repeated in the tone he used whenever he was being particularly thoughtful about something. “I used to come here with someone, I think. When we wanted to get away from things.”

The streak of jealousy that went through me nearly knocked me off my feet because it made no sense. “Who?”

“I… I don’t know. But I do know they were important.” He flashed me a sad smile that made all jealousy vanish and guilt take its place. I had no right to resent Leo for having his own life. In fact, I should have been working harder to help him remember his life before the curse. “It’s strange to think that all this time I was so close to you.”

“Well, I’ve only lived here for three years, so depending on when you and your friend escaped here, maybe it was before me.”

“Yeah, maybe. I wish I could remember.”

“I wish you could, too.”

We stood there, caught up in the heaviness of it all. Although it sounded downright insane, sometimes it was easy to forget Leo had been a strange, giant wolf I’d discovered by random chance. He so often felt like a friend I’d known for ages. A cherished companion visiting after a long trip away.

“I should build a fire,” Leo said eventually. “It makes it nice and cozy in here. Wish I had some venison to roast over it.” He licked his lips, and I tried very valiantly not to follow the movement of his tongue.

It was entirely unfair that Leo seemed to have absolutely no idea just how attractive he was. From his chiseled jaw to his movie star smile, it was like he was specifically designed to entice me. Not that I was complaining. I appreciated the eye candy, but sometimes I felt a bit guilty for ogling him.

“Do you want my help?” I asked.

“You can help me gather up some tinder if you want.”

“I don’t mind at all.”

Using my cellphone to light the way, we went back out. Stepping into the hazy sun of the late afternoon was a stark transition from the darkness of the cave interior, but it was a welcome one. Leo and I searched for small sticks, pieces of bark, and other things that would work for kindling. Once we were sure we had enough, he sent me back inside while he looked for bigger sticks.

Despite my lack of camping experience, I had plenty of experience with starting a fire. In high school, bonfires had been the one social event I felt relatively comfortable with, since they were held outside and pretty low-key. No one ever expected me to act a certain way or even hold a conversation. I could just be and pretend I was like everyone else. Like I wasn’t an orphan with a guardian who clearly didn’t want me.

Like I wasn’t a kid who had killed her own mother.

I banished that thought from my head as hard as I could, choosing instead to focus on arranging the tinder in the most efficient way possible. But even with my best efforts to lock my mind down like a vise, tears pricked at my eyes. Even after almost two decades, I could still envision that night like it was yesterday.

“Vanessa! Sweetie! Where are you?”

I knew I needed to call back, but I couldn’t. It was so hot, and the smoke was so thick. I couldn’t think. I needed to hide. Needed to be safe from the ? —

“Are you okay?”

I jerked my head up sharply, knocking over half of the little teepee I had been building. Cursing under my breath, I tried to recover from the memory I had slipped into. While Leo was busy trying to regain his memories, I was trying to erase the ones that haunted me.

“Yeah, yeah. Just thinking about stuff.”

“More about work?”

Not really, but I gladly took the escape route. “Yeah, something like that.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I took a deep breath, settling myself and looking inward so I could answer that question honestly. I didn’t like lying to Leo, but I’d never told a single soul about that fateful night. “Right now, I’d like to build a fire.”

“I can do that.”

“ We can do that,” I corrected gently.

The smile Leo sent me was so sweet it could have given me a cavity. I didn’t know how such a large, hulking man could make me feel so safe with a single facial expression, but he did. Together, we built a very small campfire. Anything too big would smoke and heat us out of the cave space, even if it was bigger than my own living room.

Once the fire was roaring, Leo and I moved to the chairs and watched the flames crackle. There was something hypnotic about it, soothing in its destruction, invigorating in its power. Fire was one of the many conundrums of nature. I’d feared it for a long time, which wasn’t exactly surprising. In fact, it was those high school bonfires that had first allowed me to see the good parts of it.

“It’s so nice to slow down and just be ,” I mused after a long stretch of silence. The quiet between Leo and me wasn’t uncomfortable. It just… was.

“I understand what you mean.”

“You do?”

Leo nodded. “I’m still figuring things out, but I do remember a time where I felt like there were never enough hours in the day. I was a leader, and I was so busy trying to make sure the members of my pack could live their lives and prosper that I forgot to take any time for myself. I was supposed to take a mate, have kids, you know all of that stuff, but it just felt like there wasn’t enough room for that.”

A leader, huh? For some reason, that made complete sense to me. Although he wasn’t the biggest talker, I’d always sensed a great intelligence behind Leo’s eyes. He was always learning, always observing, and he wasn’t afraid to ask questions—a trait I was particularly fond of.

“I can’t imagine being responsible for so many people’s lives,” I murmured, staring into the flames. Strange how something so beautiful had ruined my life.

At least, that’s what I used to think. Lately, however, it was hard not to feel like things were going all right for once. I had my garden, I had my cats, and although money was tight, we were about to go into a harvesting season, which meant I could really cut down on my grocery budget.

“You are responsible for lives. Yourself, your cats. Mine.”

“That doesn’t count,” I said quickly.

“Why not?”

I didn’t have an answer to that.

“I know some may discount your cats, but I see how you treat them. They’re your family.”

He was right, but I wasn’t used to people acknowledging it without judgment.

“They’re the family I found,” I murmured, flirting as close to the truth as I dared. “I lost the one I was supposed to have a long time ago.”

Leo seemed to know me so well, because he didn’t ask any questions. “So, we’re both missing things we’re supposed to have. My pack and your family.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

Maybe that was why we’d connected so easily. We had the same wounds, even if we got them in completely different ways.

The conversation faded once more, but it was about as far from uncomfortable as it could be. I looked over at Leo, watching the flickering light of the fire play over his strong features. Was I developing feelings for the man? I couldn’t deny that I was attracted to him, but he was from an entirely different world than me. A magical world. For all we knew, he had a shifter wife and shifter children somewhere who were desperately hoping for him to come home one day.

“Leo…” I murmured, so many thoughts rushing through my head.

“Yes, Ven?”

I had no idea what I was actually going to say, but before I could articulate it, an earth-shaking boom sounded above our heads.

“Holy shit!” I cried.

Leo and I ran to the entrance, although he made it out long before me. Rain was pouring down in a sudden torrent.

“Strange,” Leo remarked, poking his head out. His auburn hair was instantly soaked, which was far more appealing that it had any right to be. “I didn’t smell the storm coming.”

“You can do that?” I asked, wide eyed.

“Most of the time. The air changes. I think humans pick up on it occasionally.”

I thought back to other storms I’d experienced, and I knew exactly what he meant. It was a strange scent—one of ozone, electricity, and moisture in the air.

“We should head back,” he said. “The cave is close enough to the water that the entrance could flood.” He offered his hand like it was the most natural thing in the world, and I stared at his tanned palm. While I had touched his shoulder earlier, holding hands was an entirely different thing. “You ready to run?”

“Sure,” I said with an uncertain chuckle. “But I don’t think I can keep up with you.”

“That’s fine,” he said with a soft smile. “I’ll stick to your pace.”

Well, how was I supposed to say no to that logic?

Face flushing, I put my hand in his. Once more, electricity shot through my body at the touch. The hair at the back of my neck stood on end, making me hyperaware of every cell in my body.

“Ready?” Leo asked, his smile broad and so full of earnest excitement that my stomach flipped.

“Ready,” I confirmed.

We took off.

It certainly wasn’t an all-out sprint, with both of us occasionally skidding across mud and wet earth. We were thoroughly soaked within seconds, and when I ended up falling right onto my ass in a small puddle, I burst out laughing.

“Are you all right?” Leo asked before thunder cracked behind him, making both of us flinch.

“I’m fine.” I let him pull me up by our joined hands. “Nothing a little soap can’t scrub out.”

“That’s the spirit.”

But with me fairly covered in muck, all sense of caution was thrown to the wind—or rather, the storm. We jumped into occasional puddles, splashing ourselves and each other. It wasn’t long before Leo was laughing right with me, both of us thoroughly caught up in the silliness.

It was so fun. Exhilarating. Even with the occasional bolt of lightning striking down in the distance, I didn’t feel an ounce of fear. There was only room for joy and levity. It was a very welcome change from how my life had been before Leo.

“We made it!” I cried once my garden came into view.

My plants were going to love all the rain. Although I watered them every day, irrigation drips didn’t have all the extra nitrogen and other nutritious chemicals plants liked to gobble up.

Leo grinned from ear to ear. “We did.”

We rushed the rest of the way. When we reached my back door, we were both breathless, our chests heaving.

“We made a right mess of ourselves, didn’t we?” I asked as we stood in the doorway, staring out at the storm raging across the landscape.

“We did.”

I looked up at Leo, raindrops still on my lashes, and studied that handsome face of his. The slope of his jaw had a slight bump—he must have broken it at some point in his life. He had such sharp cheekbones. But mostly, I locked eyes with him and saw that ever-present intensity.

God, he was so fucking handsome, and the way he was looking at me made it even harder to breathe. It was hard not to feel the world narrow down to just him and me.

“Leo…” I murmured, acutely aware of how his thrifted clothes clung to the sculpted planes of his body. He really was an Adonis, all masculine strength and power.

“Yes?” His voice was low, barely more than a rumble, and it made me shiver for reasons other than the cold water drenching me.

I didn’t know where I got the nerve, but I swallowed and kept speaking. “Would you like to take a shower?”