Page 98 of The Friends and Rivals Collection

PERRI

I answer the door at eight at night in my orange-and-black witch-patterned pajama bottoms, a spaghetti strap tank, and a messy bun. I haven’t done laundry in a week, and the Halloween jammies are the only ones clean. But the washing machine is running right now, so there’s that Pyrrhic victory.

Also for the record, I’m sporting zero makeup and zero support for the girls.

Braless for the . . . not win ?

Exactly what I don’t want to be wearing when I see Derek McHotPants again.

I furrow my brow, staring at the sight on my doorstep—a satisfied Shaw, a confused Derek, and a duffel bag.

I’m thoroughly perplexed too. But hey, I’ve walked into meth houses a few towns over, run down thieves who’ve nicked five-hundred-dollar vintages of wine, and I’ve busted vagrants for harassing citizens.

My poker face is epic, from practice and from necessity. I can absolutely handle the guy I want to bang six ways to Sunday showing up on my front porch next to my brother, of all people.

I lean against the doorway, doing my best annoyed homeowner not wanting to deal with door-to-door salesmen . “Are you selling magazines? Because my subscription to Good Housekeeping just ran out. But I’d love to re-up if you can give me a great deal.”

There. That’s the perfect counterpoint to my pajama couture.

Derek’s lips quirk up. “Funny thing, I do in fact have magazine subscriptions, as well as Encyclopedia Britannica if you need them. But they come with a catch. You would need to order a couple dozen boxes of turtle clusters.”

A smile threatens to break through my tough girl facade. “I guess it’ll be a hard pass, then. I have never been a fan of turtle clusters.”

Derek whispers, conspirator-style, “Me neither. I never understood how anyone could peddle those things.”

Shaw spreads his arms wide, pleased as a dog lounging on laundry fresh and warm from the dryer. “See? That’s what I’m talking about. This is going to be perfect.”

What is he talking about? Because I’m still at a loss as to why either of them is here, unannounced. “What’s going to be perfect?”

He smirks. It’s the smirkiest smirk ever. Then he smacks his forehead. “My bad. Wherever are my manners? Perri, I did as you asked. I rented the room above the garage. To Derek.”

I freeze. No. Just hell-to-the-no. He did not say that .

This has to be Shaw’s idea of a joke.

This is my wisecracking, full-of-it brother. This is payback for . . . kicking his shin under the table? Though this hardly seems tit for tat.

“What did you just say?” I ask through my confusion.

Shaw is undeterred, gesturing grandly to the man next to him. “Derek, meet Perri. If you ever get scared, she’ll protect you. She sleeps with her piece.”

I raise my hands in exasperation. “One, I do not. Two, what the hell, Shaw? Is this another one of your jokes?”

He’s dead serious. “No. Why?”

Derek gulps but wisely keeps his mouth closed.

I stare at my brother. “Seriously? I asked you to rent the room. I didn’t ask you to rent it to . . .” I trail off—I have no idea how I should refer to Derek.

Lover seems like a massive overstep. He’s not earned that title yet, even if I want to slam it on him as much as I’d wanted him to slam me against the steel wall of the waffle truck yesterday.

My about-to-be hookup ?

That sounds rather gauche.

A screw toy? Fuck fling? A coming-soon-to-a-one-night-stand-near-you?

Shaw clears his throat and speaks confidently, like that kid in school who’s sure he has the right answer.

“You wanted me to rent the room, and I did. To a responsible, respectable, cool-as-fuck dude who desperately needs a place to stay while he’s in town to help out his sister and her kids, who happen to live down the street from you. Is that what you meant to say, Perri?”

I fume, squeezing my eyes shut, gritting my teeth.

When I open my eyes, Derek is laughing. But it sounds forced. “Hey, no worries. I thought Shaw lived here. Listen, it’s fine.”

Shaw beams. “Exactly. It’s all fine. This is the ideal solution.

You wanted a renter. Derek’s a good guy.

He’s not going to bang anyone else. You’re not going to bang anyone else.

Neither one of you wants a relationship.

It’s the absolute perfect rental situation.

You can work on your kissing practice to win that contest, and he can be near his sis. Admit it—this is a brilliant solution.”

He’s serious.

There’s no hint of a ruse. No secret smile underneath it all. He’s not playing some sort of joke on me, because when he does, Shaw usually breaks under pressure quickly.

He’s not breaking. He’s not bending either. Carefully, I ask my brother, “You planned this after I told you about him at dinner yesterday?”

Derek, brow furrowed in a frown, cuts in. “It’s okay, Perri. Don’t worry about it. I can find another place to stay.”

And all I can figure is he’s annoyed I mentioned him to my brother at all. Come to think of it, I’d probably be annoyed too.

Shaw jumps in. “Listen, I need to jet. I’m meeting Gabe at the gym. But be nice to each other. Remember, the key to being good roomies is respect, tolerance, and privacy.”

Shaw hauls me in for a big brotherly hug. “It’s going to be great. Aren’t you proud of me for being helpful?”

“Pride is not the dominant emotion I’m feeling right now,” I deadpan.

If we were alone, I’d give him a piece of my mind. I’d give him a full serving, plus a second helping of are you fucking insane?

Shaw tips his imaginary hat. “Looks like my work is done.” He wipes one hand against the other, trots down the steps, gets into his truck, and peels away.

Leaving me standing in the doorway looking at the man I want to jump.

The man who’s my new . . . housemate?