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Amelia---Total Eclipse

I feel Rhodes’ eyes on the side of my face, staring at me in hopes I’ll turn my head. His hand reaches for mine, and I pull back. I cannot have him touch me while the darkness finally eclipses the sun.

I can feel the memories start to crawl along my bones, the darkness seeping into the fibers of my being, their claws sinking into my flesh.

I am failing.

I have failed.

I hear Rhodes say something, but I’m so far from the light, he’s just white noise. I bring my thumb to my lips, not caring if the lipstick painted on them smears, and I rip the flesh from my nail.

I shiver, but I’m not cold. My body is an inferno, a catalyst of emotion that I refuse to process. I feel her pulling me toward the shower, and I feel the warmth coming from the steam. Her hands meet mine and loosen my grip on the blanket. It falls, and her eyes never leave my face, her gaze unwavering, but I hear her breath catch in her throat. I lick my lips, wishing I was brave enough to look at my abused flesh. I’m not that strong. No, I am the furthest thing from the definition of strength.

Weak.

A sharp pain breaks through, and a drop of blood has begun beading on my skin. I’ve broken the brittle layer and caused myself harm. It is nothing compared to the pain my body knows.

Gods dammit. I just want—no, I need—one thing to go fucking in my favor.

I smack my palm against the slick tiles, the slap echoing in the bathroom as I hear the door open again. I feel the air change as Parker reaches in to pull me out from the water. I pull against her, wanting to stay in the heat because that is a pain I can accept. The scalding water is a hurt I will willingly endure, one I choose.

“Loves. You’re going to hurt yourself,” she murmurs.

“I can’t hurt myself any deeper than they already did.”

I was wrong that night. I close my eyes at the realization of what I am about to unleash upon the person I love. This bubble we’ve existed in has collapsed, the shadows have come to claim my soul. I lean my head against the window and try to enjoy the last moments of happiness before the fallout.