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Amelia---Adoration in the Revelation

My throat is raw, like razor blades have been shoved down it. There is a loud beeping, rhythmic in its timing, and I can tell that there’s a bright light overhead, blinding me.

There is an aching coupled with a sheer, inexplicable pain that my body recognizes, my limbs heavy under something scratchy. Warmth is wrapped around my hand, and I want so badly to squeeze, whatever it is. It feels like a safe idea, and I don’t remember the last time I felt that feeling.

“Amelia”

There’s that voice. I’ve heard it for a little bit now, the steady cadence having become a soothing balm to the hurt. I haven’t been alone here; the person behind that gruff voice has refused to leave my side. For the first time in my life, I haven’t had to fight my demons alone. He has battled them back for me while I find my way back to him.

I have been clawing my way back to Rhodes.

Back to home.

My eyes flutter, and I feel the desire to open my eyes get stronger. A hand is now brushing hair from my face. I feel soft touches to my lips, barely lingering. Those same lips kiss my eyelids, then my nose in the most heartbreaking way. It feels as if they are afraid I would shatter like glass.

“Kochanie. Wake up, baby. I know you can do it. Come back home, and let me see those grey eyes.”

My body is so heavy. A squeeze against my hand, butterfly kisses dotting my nose and eyelids once again. I want to go home, to be back with Parker, Lennon, and Rhodes.

I want to be with Rhodes Alexander. I want to be his.

I slowly open my eyes, blinking several times, and find an expanse of blue staring down at me. Everything within me breaks. There are tears in his eyes, and Rhodes grips my face in his calloused hands. I smell him, the leather and clove I’ve come to crave surrounding me.

“I have you, Amelia. I have you.”

Rhodes.

I am frantic, and I start to grab his forearms before a nurse walks in to check the alarming monitor attached to me. It is as if the room is shrinking in on me, and I cannot find the way out. I can feel my heart pounding like drums echoing on the plains, my breaths are shallow. I can’t breathe, and the noises around me sound like I’m underwater.

No. Rhodes can’t be here. My demons can’t find him.

Something is being pushed against my nose, and I fight it. I don’t want to be touched unless it is Rhodes touching me. My skin feels like it's on fire, and I itch like something is crawling on my skin. I keep clutching his arms, my fingers digging into the muscular flesh in an attempt to ground myself in the present. Keep it together, Amelia. Rhodes is the singular anchor I have to the light. If I let go, the darkness wins.

“This is oxygen, Amelia. Take a few deep breaths for me, dear.” I know that voice. She’s been here before too. I recognize her. “Nice and easy. You are alright, Amelia.” I feel the rush of the oxygen pushing through my nostrils, and I follow her lead. “You’re at St. Cecil’s, in the ICU.” I breathe, making sure I keep my breaths with hers. The crawling feeling lessens, and I feel the shadows slightly retreat. My vision returns to normal, and I see Rhodes, his forearm still in my clutches, and I have drawn blood from gripping him so tight.

Before I can apologize, he shakes his head.

“Don’t.”

I dip my head, focusing on the harsh lines of the blanket covering me. I pull my hands from him, trying to flex my fingers as I come back into my body. There is a fog I can’t shake, and I actually move my head back and forth in an attempt to clear it.

“Feeling foggy?” the nurse beside me asks kindly. “That is normal, dear. Let me run and get the doctor, okay? I’m sure this man here will be happy to stay with you, considering he hasn’t left yet.” She gestures at Rhodes before walking out of the room.

I can’t meet his eyes. I’ve hidden so much from him, and I don’t know where the landmines currently lay. Shame floods me as I feel the bed dip.

“Amelia,” he murmurs on a broken breath. “Look at me.” His knee is touching my thigh now, and it takes every ounce of willpower I have to not look at him. I don’t deserve to look at the reason my world spins. Not after what I’ve done and what I’ve kept from him.

“Eyes, kochanie .”

Fuck. Of course, he would use that against me. He knows I’m weak for that seemingly small statement. I feel my face flush and my eyes water, heat pricking at my eyelashes. I will not cry. I will not cry.

I. Will. Not. Cry.

I don’t have the ability to do anything other than meet his eyes, given that my body is not caught up with the rest of me just yet. His face is kind and full of concern, of understanding. Damn him.

“I nearly lost you. You almost didn’t come back, Amelia.”

My heart rips itself from my chest at his confession. I don’t know what to say, and thankfully, the nurse returns with the doctor following behind her. She tsks at Rhodes to give them space to run my vitals and a full assessment. Bright lights shine into my eyes, the prodding and tightening of cuffs continuous, and words float between them like secrets on the wind. Endless questions are thrown at me, testing my response time and cognitive recall.

I stare at Rhodes the entire time, refusing to leave him again. I notice in my peripherals that Duncan is hovering in the doorway, and my stomach sinks. I’m sure he has something he needs to relay but I can’t focus on anything yet. I’m also painfully aware that for Duncan, seeing me in this state only brings what happened years ago to the forefront of his mind.

“Do you remember what happened?” I break my eyes from Rhodes to stare at the doctor at the foot of my bed, frustration building in my body. I just want to go back to sleep, Rhodes’s arms around me as I nestle myself into his side. The doctor looks at me, expecting an answer to his question.

My eyes flick to Duncan. I don’t know how much the man sitting next to me has been told, but I’ll have to let Rhodes in at some point. I don’t have a reason to shut Rhodes out anymore. I can’t shut him out any longer.

“I was ambushed.” A breath hitches next to me, and I feel the lithe muscles tense. This is going to fucking hurt him. “I was ambushed on my drive to the office. There was a-a car behind me, and I thought it odd how they wove themselves amid the traffic. I pulled off at the next exit, and they followed.”

“What the fuck?” Rhodes bursts out from my side.

I can’t stop now. I continue, knowing that the conversation I will have after this one will be more difficult.

“I was stopped at a stop sign. I couldn’t see their headlights behind me until it was too late. They slammed into me f-fr-from behind, wrecking my car.” I take a deep breath before continuing. “I was pulled from the car, and for the briefest moment, I thought I was being helped, but I was far from being right. I don’t know how long they beat me, their fists angry and feet angrier. Twice I tried to get up, twice I tried to reach my blades, and twice I failed. The last thing I remember is one of them saying ‘La puttana è morta. Lasciate il corpo ’”

I glance back up at Duncan again, and I see the pure rage in his eyes. Given my history, I’m surprised he hasn’t already called the Capos and ordered a hit on the other leaders. I shake my head subtly, a warning to wait for my directive before acting. The Families think I’m dead. I cannot react impulsively.

“Everything went black after that.”

The doctor at the foot of the bed has been on my payroll for years as my personal doctor, but his face is blanched at my recount. He swallows hard before checking my chart.

“I would tell you what injuries you have, but honestly, it’s easier to tell you what didn’t happen. You flat lined, Amelia. We placed you under sedation so everything could calm down, and it took you a good while to fully come out from the sedation. You should not be here, if I’m being honest. You have an extremely long road of recovery ahead.” I inhale sharply at his words, knowing fully that I cannot give myself the time needed to fully recover. I have men to hunt. “The impact of your injuries on your range of motion is hard to determine. Best case? Four to six weeks of intense physical therapy followed by six weeks of occupational therapy. That’s if you are a walking miracle, Amelia.”

I simply murmur my acceptance, effectively dismissing him. Duncan touches his shoulder and shows him the door.

I turn to Rhodes, seeing nothing but rage in his face. I set my jaw, bracing for the worst when he speaks.

“How do you know Italian, kochanie ?” The question is laced with confusion and hurt. I have hurt the one person I did everything to avoid hurting. My gaze falls, and his hand grips my chin, bringing my eyes back up. “I'm not mad at you, but I am confused. You spoke that like it was second nature, like you’d spoken it your whole life.”

“Ro,” I exhale, “I need to tell you something. And it terrifies me because it changes everything.”

He brings his face to mine, our noses touching, before whispering gently. “What you tell me will change nothing. Tell me. Let me in, Amelia.”

This is the moment I will lose him. I can’t not tell him, but in doing so, I will break my own heart. My whole life has been one denial after the next, and now I have to crush the one singular happiness I’ve allowed myself to dream of.

“ My father was Salvatore Conte, the Conte Family Don and leader of the city’s Mafia.” I watch for a reaction, not finding one, so I continue. “When he died, I took his chair. I am the boss of the Underworld. I am The Fox. Anything that happens in this city is simply because I allow it.”

Rhodes is silent as I wait for what I’ve just told him to sink in.

“You are the head of the Conte Family?”

“Yes.”

“Duncan is—”

“My second, my Underboss. He steps in should anything happen to me.”

“And the blades you mentioned…”

“I was raised around guns, that much is true. But I don’t like them. I’m known for using blades. I don’t carry a gun, Rhodes. I have a minimum of two blades on me at any given time. I lead over a thousand men, who are sworn to do my bidding and protect the Family at any cost. I operate in the shadows, playing in the grey areas of morality.”

He blinks slowly, processing the fact he’s sitting with the one person in the city people fear most. I pull my bottom lip into my mouth, my teeth scraping the dry skin as I chew on it. His thumb reaches out, pulling it down and resting his palm where my jaw meets my neck.

“Who watches over you when you watch over your city?” Astonishment mixed with surprise etches itself on my face as I consider his question.

“What do you mean? No one watches me. I’m the head of the Family.”

“Who has your six, kochanie ?” I feel his other hand brush the top of my head before two fingers skim my cheekbone where a bruise is blooming. “Does no one have your back?”

“Duncan is my Underboss.”

“Yes. You said that. But, baby, Duncan could barely look at you in this bed. Who. Protects. You? ”

The truth is on the tip of my tongue, but to speak it into existence means I’m validating every wretched thing that has been forced upon me. Every shout from Papa, every violation that night, every slice of my blades. I have been in survival mode since the day I turned thirteen.

“No one. I am alone. The Fox is an island.”

Rhodes straightens, his hands moving to grasp my shoulders. I have never seen him so determined. This is Rhodes Alexander as the sniper he once was. His jaw is firmly set, and those blue eyes have never looked more turbulent. They remind me of the way water looks when a wave crests in a tempest. The change is stark but yet so subtle you’d miss it if you weren’t intimately familiar with him.

“ I have you, kochanie . I protect you . I watch your six.” I shake my head, refusing to allow him to do this, to sacrifice this for me.

“Rhodes, I can’t.” He surges forward, cradling my face in his rough hands. His mouth finds mine and his silken tongue runs along the seam of my lips, coaxing them open. A small moan comes from me, and Rhodes takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss. I soften for him, letting him take the pain I have kept buried deep. A whimper escapes my body, its release unstoppable. I let him carry the load for just a moment. His fingers tighten in my hair briefly before he relaxes.

“I have you, Amelia Conte. You are mine.”