Page 81 of The Forsaken (Echoes from the Past #4)
SEVENTY
Berwick-Upon-Tweed, Northumberland
Kate trudged miserably up the stairs, stopping every few steps to catch her breath.
She’d felt a little better the past few days, but the nausea had come back with a vengeance this afternoon, reminding her that she wasn’t over the worst of the sickness yet.
Joan had insisted she remain behind in bed and rest, for the child’s sake, but Kate had wished to participate in the celebration.
The Feast of Ascension was one of her favorite feast days as it was usually marked by picnics held on hilltops.
It was traditional to eat some sort of fowl, to symbolize the flight of Jesus to the heavens, and whatever fruit was to hand.
The fruit was blessed by the priest after the Memento of the Dead.
Bless, O Lord, these new fruits of the vine which Thou hast brought to maturity by the dew of heaven, by plentiful rains and by tranquil and favorable weather. Thou hast given us this fruit for our use that we may receive it with thanks in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ.
The blessing referred more to grapes, but as grapes were hard to come by in Northumberland, they had to do with the oranges that Hugh had managed to procure for the occasion.
There had been only three, and they’d had to share, but the few slivers of the juicy fruit were ambrosia.
Kate had devoured her share, her body starved for nutrients after months of monotonous winter food.
Perhaps it was the orange that brought on this infernal sickness again, or perhaps it was fear of what was to come.
Guy meant to speak to Hugh this night, and demand that he release Kate from their marriage.
He’d been simmering since returning from Newcastle, and if she didn’t give him leave to act, his temper would boil over .
As Kate had sat on a blanket overlooking the swift-flowing river and the rolling hills beyond, she had tried to calm herself by recalling the feasts of her childhood, when she’d spent the day with her parents and brothers, enjoying the fine spring weather after months of snow and rain.
She could hardly remember the church services, or the food her mother had Cook prepare for their feasts, but she remembered the mood of those picnics.
She’d felt safe and happy, delighted by the carefree banter between her parents and the camaraderie of her brothers.
How life had changed since those sunny days.
Kate finally reached her chamber, kicked off her shoes, and crawled into bed.
The room was pleasantly cool, and the dim confines of the bed were a welcome change from the sunshine outside.
She closed her eyes and rested her hand on her growing belly, willing the babe inside to make itself known.
She’d felt it for the first time only about a week ago, a gentle flutter that came and went, hardly noticeable at first, but impossible to ignore once she’d realized what it must be.
It took a few minutes now, but eventually she felt a bump against her hand, like that of a kicking foot. Could it be a foot? Or an elbow?
Kate sighed miserably. This should have been a happy time, even with the persistent sickness, but the thought of what would happen in a few short hours left her insides lurching with fear.
She wanted to be with Guy more than anything, to live in harmony and raise their child in love, but Hugh wouldn’t take this lightly, nor would the Church.
She and Guy had sinned, and now they wanted to legalize their sin and thwart the laws of God.
It felt wrong. Kate tried to explain her fears to Guy when he’d followed her to the chapel that morning, but he brushed her reservations aside, determined to see this through.
“Don’t you love me?” Guy had demanded when Kate broached the subject. “Don’t you want to leave Hugh and be free to follow your heart for once in your life?”
“You know I do, but I’m frightened, Guy. Do you know anyone who’s been granted an annulment? ”
Guy looked at her for a moment, considering the question. “No, I don’t.”
“Guy, the Church will not release me from my vows, even if we publicly confess that the child I carry is not my husband’s.
We will be disgraced, humiliated, and punished for our misdeeds.
I fear for our child. He’ll be branded a bastard, a child of sin.
And what of Hugh? He might not be the husband of my heart, but he is my husband before the law.
Does your brother deserve to be dishonored before everyone he knows? ”
“Hugh’s not been a good husband to you,” Guy had snapped.
“He’s been no worse than most. Do you believe that every marriage in Christendom is based on love and mutual respect?”
“Kate, you asked me to wait until the Feast of Ascension, and that is what I have done. Tonight, I will confront Hugh, unless you tell me not to, but if you do, know that I will leave and never return. The choice is yours. I won’t force you, but neither will I live my life in secret, always skulking in the shadows and hiding from the truth. ”
The answer had sprung to her lips, urgent and filled with longing. “Don’t go,” she had whispered. “Please, don’t go. I can’t go on without you.”
Drawing her close, he had pressed his lips to her forehead. “I’ll never leave you, Kate, not even if you ask me to.”
“We must get back before anyone misses us,” Kate had said, pulling away from Guy. “I just heard Joan outside.”
“After tonight we won’t have to hide ever again. Everyone will know.”
That’s what I’m afraid of , Kate had thought as she’d watched Guy slip out of the chapel and walk away.