Page 30 of The Devil and His Goddess (Sinners Do It Better #2)

Harper

IT WAS THE SECOND TIME that day I’d woken up under that white comforter, and this time was even more disorienting than the first. The only difference was Perseus wasn’t next to me. The chair sat empty, and the room was cold.

I didn’t remember leaving Silverlight. The last thing I remembered was sobbing in Perseus’s arms when darkness began to stitch across my vision. Everything went black after that, but I didn’t mind.

For a time, I got to forget.

For a time, I got to pretend nothing existed outside of that darkness.

But now I was awake and forced to remember. I was forced to acknowledge the truth.

Every inch of my body felt disgusting . Nausea rippled through me, followed by the intense need to clean myself. I shoved the covers away and shot up in bed. The room spun with my sudden movement, but I uncaringly stood on wobbly legs.

Perseus opened the door then, carrying a tray with a bowl of something. He spotted me as I stumbled and immediately dropped the tray to rush to my side, catching me before I crashed into his nightstand.

“Har—”

“Don’t touch me,” I screamed as panic consumed my insides. Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks.

He sucked in a sharp breath but did as I demanded. He slowly released me, letting me find my balance while bracing a hand on the nightstand.

I choked down a wet breath and managed to wobble to the adjoining bathroom. I knew I had no right to use it as I pleased, but the need to wash, to get the repugnant film off my skin, was overwhelming. I blinked past my many tears and turned the shower on as hot as it would go. I stepped into the glass shower, still in my borrowed sweat pants and shirt with my leotard beneath. I breathed in the steam and heat, hoping it would provide some sort of reprieve from what clawed at both my skin and my insides.

It didn’t.

The water was scalding, yet I couldn’t stop shaking. I couldn’t fight the iciness filling my bloodstream.

The soaked clothes clung to me, and that constriction against my body made a new wave of disgust spiral through me. I gagged as I quickly peeled out of the clothes and threw all three articles across the shower, not wanting anything touching me.

Touching me where he did.

Touching me how he did.

I wanted out of my skin. I wanted out of this gross stain that now coated every inch of me.

I fumbled to grab the closest bottle of soap and picked up the leotard. Heavy cries rattled my chest and blurred my eyes as I lathered the soap on the dance uniform and scrubbed at my skin. Everywhere felt painted over with this film of hatred and antipathy, and I scrubbed at it, trying to make it go away. The feeling remained, though, even as the scalding water and rough washing turned my skin raw.

“Get off me,” I wailed between hiccups. I scrubbed harder at my chest until the water rolling down my form and traveling toward the drain became tinted red. “Get off, get off, get off !”

“Harper,” Perseus’s deep voice cut through my screams. He opened the shower door and snagged the hand that held the soapy and bloody leotard. “Stop! You’re hurting yourself!”

“Make it go away,” I sobbed, turning to look at him. My head swam with nightmarish images as my skin continued to crawl. “Make it go away, Perseus.”

His lips pressed together as his green eyes glistened. He didn’t release my wrist as he stepped into the large shower with me, his hair and clothes getting drenched as he did.

“Make it go away,” I pleaded and weakly pulled on the arm he held.

Dizziness swam through my head, and the heat only made it worse. My stomach churned as I wobbled on unstable legs. My knees would’ve cracked on the tile shower beneath me if Perseus hadn’t swiftly caught me around my middle to ease my fall.

The foreign arm around my abdomen made my stomach twist violently, and I immediately doubled over there on the shower floor, spilling the contents of my stomach. The hot water rushed the bile toward the drain. I watched it go as another tremor shook me and forced me to puke.

Perseus stayed at my side, kneeling on the shower floor and holding my hair back from my face while I vomited then gagged once nothing was left.

Disgust. Hopelessness. Embarrassment. Shame. Anguish.

All of it danced around inside of me, burrowing into my bones and the splinters of my soul. My body no longer felt like my own. It’d been torn apart, stretched and broken to fit a monster inside, and now, every inch of me screamed to get away from that beast.

Only … the beast wasn’t there.

Nothing was there.

Yet I felt him everywhere .

The little energy I’d had zapped from my body. My heavy head hung forward as the shower spun around me. Darkness ebbed across my vision, and when it swooped in to claim me once more, I welcomed it.

A JACKHAMMER HAD TAKEN UP residence in my head while a turbulent sea broke out in my stomach. I laid on my back in Perseus’s bed, staring up at the high white ceiling. I didn’t mind the pain splitting my skull. It provided the only distraction from the other emotions trying to carve me up inside.

I hadn’t moved from this spot since Perseus placed me here after passing out in the shower, and now, it was Wednesday. I only knew that, because my parents had tried calling. I’d caught the date on my phone as I stared at their incoming call until it stopped. I couldn’t talk to them. I couldn’t talk .

It had been a full day. One full day since I’d woken here after the nightmare. One full day since I’d fooled myself into thinking I could pretend nothing happened. One full day since I’d broken into a million pieces, the shards scattering too far for me to reach them.

Perseus appeared next to the bed. I didn’t have the energy to even glance his way, though the brothy smell filling the room told me he’d brought another bowl of soup after his first attempt had been served to the floor instead. His next few attempts had all received silence from me, and we both knew that would be the same response he got this time, too. Despite knowing this, he still sat the tray down on the nightstand then took the chair next to the bed.

“You need to eat,” Perseus said softly. “It’s chicken soup, so it should be easy on your stomach.”

I was numb and frozen, unable to refuse or accept his offer. I kept my stare fixed on the ceiling as I breathed in time to the pounding in my skull, hoping the pain would finish me off.

“Harper, please,” Perseus begged, his voice cracking. “You haven’t eaten anything since Monday, even after getting sick yesterday. You don’t have to eat it all. Even a few bites will be fine. O-Or, I can make something else entirely. Anything you want. Just … Just tell me.”

A lone tear slid down my face toward my ear as the white ceiling held me prisoner. “I want to wake up from this nightmare.”

Perseus didn’t speak again. His dark-cladded form slumped forward in my peripheral like he was holding his head in his hands. He did that a lot this past day. Silence became our companion as the orange glow of the setting sun turned to dark shadows. Perseus didn’t move from his chair, and I never looked away from the ceiling, my detached body like that of a corpse.

I must’ve fallen asleep at some point, because I opened my eyes to a soft light permeating the room and sniffles coming from the other side of me.

I managed to turn my head enough to see Aiysha, tears coating her brown face, laying on the bed beside me in her jeans and a school-themed sweatshirt. She held my hand in both of hers, and her entire body shook in an effort to keep her crying quiet.

She must’ve felt me move, because her big brown eyes opened and locked on mine. Her face instantly contorted in grief, and she shifted closer on the bed. “Harper! Harper, I’m so sorry.”

Seeing my chosen sister cry made my own chest constrict, and I immediately hiccuped on fresh tears. Shaking my head against the pillow, I choked, “Aiysha. Aiysha, he—”

“Shh,” she cooed, cupping my cheek with one hand while continuing to squeeze my fingers with the other. “You don’t have to say it.” Her eyes flicked over my shoulder.

I followed her line of sight. Perseus leaned against the wall near the bathroom door. Defeat was etched into the lines of his face, and his crossed arms bulged like it was taking everything in him to stay composed.

When his eyes snagged mine, his lips twitched like they were trying to smile but fell short. He pushed off the wall and said, “I’ll let you two talk. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

With that, he left the room, shutting the door softly on his way out.

“How—”

Aiysha sniffled as she wiped my tears away. “I’d been worried sick about you. You didn’t talk to me at all yesterday. I thought you were just busy with work then crashed here, but when I got home today and you still hadn’t called or texted, I freaked out. I was literally about to start calling everyone I knew to find you when Perseus showed up at the house, looking for me.”

Aiysha’s lip trembled as her face cracked with fresh anguish. “He told me what happened.”

I swallowed hard, but that didn’t clear the knives from my throat. “Why’d this happen, Aiysha? Why ?”

Her brown eyes squeezed shut, and she shook her head hard. “Sick fuck. He’s such a sick fuck ! I hope they kill him in the worst way possible!”

“They?” I asked weakly.

Aiysha looked at me again. She patted her wet cheeks then sat up. “I’ll tell you about it in the kitchen. Perseus said you’ve been refusing to eat or drink. He didn’t want to force you after—” She sucked in a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. After licking her lips, she looked back down at me. “Come on, Harp. You need to eat.”

I shook my head against the pillow. “I don’t want to eat. I—”

“You have to eat!” Aiysha snapped, her lips thinning with her firm demand.

I pressed my lips together and stared sideways at the white sheets beneath me. I had no will to move, let alone to try to eat. Why give life to a body I now hated, one that had been made filthy and vile? It was better if it wasted away into nothing.

“You won’t get better if you don’t eat and drink something,” Aiysha stressed. “You know how important it is to fuel your body. I know it doesn’t seem important right now, but don’t you need to stay healthy for ballet? Huh? Do it for your dance career. Do it for all the people who need you at Silverlight. Do it for me, your mom, your dad, your brothers. Do it for Perseus and everyone else who loves to see you dance, okay?”

I twitched as a pang pierced my chest.

Ballet. Silverlight.

I’d missed a whole day of work, and that fact was only made worse by the memory of yesterday morning when I’d somehow convinced myself that I could fake being okay. I was sure I’d ruined that rehearsal for everyone, and Elijah had to be hurt from my confusing outburst. I wanted to sink further into myself and just fade into nothing.

Except memories surfaced in my mind that pushed me to fight.

My mom, dad, and little brothers smiling up at me from their seats in the theatre after I finished a ballet.

Aiysha and I jumping around with tears in our eyes as we earned another title in a dance competition together.

Perseus’s eyes glittering with awe, admiration, and affection as he watched me perform.

The people I cared about still needed me, and that gave me just enough sense to acknowledge Aiysha’s request. I pulled my face out of the sheets it was buried in to look at her. That one movement must’ve given her hope, because she smiled at me and stood from the bed.

“Come on,” she urged gently. She came to my side and coaxed me into a sitting position. “I’ll eat with you, okay? We’ll eat together.”

I had to blink many times upon sitting up. Even holding my head up took great effort, and I had to lean heavily on Aiysha, gripping her shoulder with one arm and holding onto her hand with the other to walk. We shuffled slowly across the room and out into the hall. Ayisha let me walk at my own pace, keeping me upright as my legs shook and threatened to give out as the world tilted this way and that.

Perseus stood at the kitchen island. His head was bowed as he stirred a pot on the stove, but the minute we walked through the archway of the living room, he looked up at me. The spoon, still spinning mindlessly in its current, became forgotten as he started to rush across the large space.

Only, he stopped, not even halfway, seeming to decide against coming closer. He nodded at Aiysha and went back around the island to grab a bowl and spoon. Aiysha helped me into a chair at the island while Perseus ladled out the soup.

His green eyes snagged mine as he carefully slid the bowl across the marble for me. “Here you go.”

“Thank you,” I mumbled, cupping the bowl in my hands.

Warmth seeped from the dish into my palms. My eyes closed as the heat caused goosebumps to rise on my arms. The rich and hearty smell of the chicken, vegetables, and broth made my empty stomach growl, but it was quickly followed by dozens of knots.

Swallowing hard, I stirred the soup while waiting for the disagreement in my stomach to settle.

“Aiysha,” Perseus offered, giving a bowl of the soup to her, too.

She smiled at him and accepted the food. “Thank you.”

Aiysha stirred her own soup and gave me a pointed look as she ate hers. I hesitantly sampled the broth, just enough to taste the warm flavor. It was definitely delicious, as all of Perseus’s cooking was, but I was slow to take another bite, thanks to the pit in my stomach.

“Eat what you can,” Perseus ordered me gently as he placed a bottle of water next to me. “Don’t force yourself to eat more than you can stomach.”

I nodded, dropping my gaze to the spinning broth under my spoon’s direction.

“Why are you so good at cooking when you don’t need human food to live?” Aiysha asked.

That snagged my attention. My eyes widened as I looked between the two of them. My jaw fell in shock, but no words came out.

Laughing, Aiysha put her finger beneath my chin to shut it.

Perseus offered me a weak smile. “I told her what I am. She knows I’m a demon.”

“Why?” I asked in disbelief. “A-Are you allowed to just tell people?”

He shrugged. “It’s advised against but not not allowed.”

“He had to tell me the truth when I started demanding we call the cops to hunt that monster down,” Aiysha grumbled, sloshing some soup onto the counter in a rather violent scoop. “They’re taking care of him their way.”

“They?” I repeated, recalling she’d said the same thing in the bedroom.

She tipped her chin in Perseus’s direction. “ Them . He and his demon friends.”

“I currently have him locked up somewhere,” Perseus clarified. “Zagan is going to New York this weekend for Iyla’s birthday, and Coldin is gone for some personal work. When they’re both back, we’re going to deal with him as Aiysha said. Our way.”

Before I could determine if I wanted to know what that meant, Aiysha leaned closer to me. “I’m obviously furious that I had no idea this prick had attacked you before. Now knowing what Perseus is and his involvement in stopping that first attack, I see why you didn’t tell me. I just …” Her nose scrunched like she was fighting tears while staring into her soup bowl. “I wish I had known. I wish I had skipped class that night. I wish—”

“Class?” Perseus suddenly cut in, his brow slamming down in confusion. “W-Wasn’t your class canceled?”

Aiysha’s own brow rose with equal perplexion. “No?”

My eyes burned. I dropped my spoon, the loud clang ringing in my ears as I croaked, “It’s my fault.” I couldn’t meet either of their gazes as tears slipped past my eyelids. “It’s all my fault. I-I lied.”

I confessed about the deal I’d agreed to for Mandi’s sake, letting her come over in secret so I could help her with the White Swan. “She and I were working on the piece when—”

I stopped as the air rushed out of me. With everything that had happened, I never stopped to wonder what happened to Mandi. She’d gone to the bathroom and never came back. It was not long after she’d gone to the restroom that he’d shown up. Could she have run into him in the house and gotten attacked, too?

“Did Mandi show up for work yesterday or today?” I questioned frantically, staring at Perseus.

His mouth opened, and he stared at me for a moment like the question had thrown him off. “I-I think so. I don’t remember hearing she was out yesterday, but I didn’t go in today since …”

“Can you make sure she did? Please?”

He frowned but nodded. After calling his staff at Silverlight and confirming that Mandi was there and perfectly fine, I let out a sigh of relief.

But then what happened to her after she went to the bathroom?

I reached for my drink, needing to ease the dry sourness from my mouth. The second I grabbed the water bottle to bring it to my lips, a chill zipped up my arm like an electric shock. I hadn’t just been raped that night. I’d been in a delirious state, incapable of moving, fighting, or screaming, because I’d been drugged. The only thing I’d had was the water Mandi had given me.

Ice encrusted my veins. I slapped my hand over my mouth to fight the rush of vomit that tried climbing my throat, and I shoved away from the counter, knocking my chair and soup over in the process. Aiysha gasped and leapt back from the spilt hot soup while Perseus appeared at my side in an instant to steady me with a gentle hand on my back and arm.

“What’s wrong?” Perseus asked in alarm, searching my face.

I couldn’t get my thoughts to slow down, but there was no way my suspicion could be true. No matter how nasty Mandi was, no matter how petty she’d been in the past, she’d never drug my drink to aid in an assault.

“Harper?” Aiysha called, coming to my other side.

I shook my head hard. “Nothing. Nothing.”

Aiysha and Perseus shared a look like they wanted to press me since they knew it wasn’t nothing, but I guessed they didn’t want to force me. Aiysha walked me to the couch to sit while Perseus cleaned up the soup I’d spilt before making me another bowl. He gave it to me before settling on the adjacent section of the couch. After what had just happened, the two decided to keep the conversation light while I ate. The soup was delicious, but I only managed about half before I couldn’t stomach any more.

I was shaken all over again, thinking that the entire thing with Mandi had been a farce, a ploy to give Drake what he wanted while allowing Mandi to enact her most grotesque scheme yet. The request for my help, the thoughtful water, the small ice I thought we’d been chiseling away between us had all been a lie .

Tears gathered in my eyes. I didn’t know how I still had any left, yet they fell all the same. I wondered if I’d ever stop crying again.