Page 7

I have no idea how I came to my dorm. When I emerged from the shower, I found the ice pack that Coach had left for me on the bench in the locker room. I threw it in my bag and brought it with me, but I don’t recall the trip here. My mind was in overdrive, replaying the scene with Blake on a loop.

He had touched me. I didn’t imagine that. He had stroked my ass, grabbing my cheek first, then brushing over my hole with his fingers. Could it have been an accident? A slip of the finger, so to speak, in an otherwise innocent massage? Either way, it made me hard and I ended up jizzing all over the floor before him. I thought I’d die on the spot. But the point is… he started it. I never would’ve made a move on a married man. Co uld it be possible that… he felt something for me too?

I couldn’t keep all of this inside me anymore. I needed someone to talk to, and I couldn’t tell Finn. So I texted Matt and told him to meet me at the same coffee shop I went to with Finn at the beginning of the semester. The perk of having your brother study at the same college is being able to call on him for emergencies. He was a senior at Williams and after he graduates I won’t have the same chance. We usually saw each other around campus, but we’d both been busy these past few days, and I hadn’t had the chance to talk to him, so we were due for some catching up anyway.

As usual, my brother was late. I checked my phone for time again, tapping my foot nervously to the beat of Post Malone’s Circles . The coffee I ordered was getting cold, half the cup already gone when at last I saw him trotting over. I waved at him through the Tunnel City’s large windows, and he waved back when he noticed me. The bell above the door chimed as he opened it and came inside.

“Hey, homo,” he said as a way of greeting. The funny thing is, if you had to pick between me and my brother, Matt would seem like the gay one. With his carefree hair and hipster fashion style, he was always the nerdy, artsy-fartsy type, while I was a brawny, sporty, baseball cap-wearing jock. Oh, the irony .

I stood up and gave him a quick hug. “Hey, jerkface.”

“Hold that thought,” he said, heading over to the counter. “I’ll be right back.”

While I settled back into my chair, Matt ordered a drink for himself. Taking a large cup, he came over to our table and plopped into the seat. “Mmmm,” he moaned, closing his eyes as he took a sip of his steaming coffee. “If I could mainline this, I would.” The look of pure pleasure on his face made me snort. His eyes snapped open. Giving me a once-over, he said, “Okay, so, what did you want to talk about? At least I know you didn’t get anyone pregnant.” He paused, cup halfway to his mouth. “Wait—you didn’t, did you?”

“Nope. Still gay.”

He nodded and took another sip. “Gotta ask. You never know with our family anymore.”

I scratched a stain on the surface of the table, then blurted out, “But I have fallen for a straight guy.”

Matt finished gulping his drink before he spoke. “Again?”

“And he’s married.”

“That’s certainly a step up.”

“And he’s my coach.”

Matt put down his cup and stared at me. “Oh God, don’t tell me you’ve got a kink for old dudes now. Are you chasing grandpas ? ”

“What?” Then I realized he didn’t know about Blake. “No, it’s not Coach Simmons. We got a new one. He’s young. Ish. Thirty-six, I think.”

“Well, thank fuck for small mercies.” He leaned back in his chair and studied me. “How did you manage to get yourself in this shit again?”

I rubbed my face, then took off my baseball cap and scratched my hair. “Because I’m a sucker for unavailable men? I dunno, Matt. He’s hot, I’m young, dumb, and full of cum—you do the math.” I sighed. “It’s not like I wanted it. The guy has been a jerk to me ever since he came here. I tried to hate him, I really did, but I couldn’t help it. I’m drawn to him despite everything.”

Matt simply grunted. “Sucks to be a masochist, huh?”

“A maso-what?”

“The M in S you have to do both or neither. Otherwise, the one who was left out will never let you hear the end of it. Our folks didn’t even live in the same city anymore; Dad had stayed in our family home in Stamford, while Mom moved to Providence with her new fiancé. And when your free time is limited, you have to choose wisely.

“Speaking of, have you talked to Dad recently?” Matt asked.

“No, not for a few days. Why?”

“He mentioned having a date with someone. A woman.”

I let the idea sink in. We knew that our dad would eventually start going out again, but after what happened this summer, the notion of him dating wasn’t even a blip on my radar. And the fact that Matt had to point out our dad was seeing a woman showed just how crazy things got. “You think that thing with Danny is really over?”

Matt shrugged. “Guess so. I’ll chalk it up to the mid-life crisis. Some men buy new cars; some have an affair. Our dad decided to experiment with his sexuality.”

“It looked more than just experimenting to me.”

“He was lonely and horny, and Danny was willing and available. Let’s just leave it at that.”

“Okay. So, what’s going on with you?”

Matt spent the next half hour talking about some new anime he was into, but I barely listened. Sure, I nodded and hmm-ed at all the right places, yet my mind was elsewhere. Somewhere in a neon-lit locker room, where Blake had me sprawled over his lap and spanked my naughty ass. Stuck on repeat .