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The spring semester began in much the same way as the fall one did: Finn and I going for a coffee. I missed my best friend and I had much to tell him. Our dorm was as chaotic as ever, students chattering and drifting from room to room every second. Hoping for any semblance of privacy there would be pointless. But now I knew better than to take Finn somewhere with lots of people around. So I chose Café 7, a cozy place at the edge of town, and we sat at the farthest booth, away from the other guests. As expected, Finn wasn’t subtle when I finally came clean.

“You and Hulk?” he said, still too loud for comfort, his face a mask of skepticism. “Right. And I’m screwing Sydney Sweeney. Give me a break, man. ”

Scooting closer, I pulled my phone from my pocket, opened my chat with Blake, and shoved the screen under Finn’s nose. I scrolled through the texts, too fast for him to read anything, but slow enough so he could see the extent of our message thread. When we reached the nudes Blake and I sent to each other, Finn tried to pry the phone out of my hand but I was quicker, yanking it out of his reach. “Now do you believe me?”

He stared at me, mouth open, disbelief and betrayal flickering in his eyes. At least he wasn’t spitting his drink this time. “How—when—did this happen?”

“I, uh… I had a crush on him from the moment I saw him. But the first time we got together was after that match in Gettysburg.”

“Dude! That was, like, months ago!”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Wow.” Finn shook his head. “Who even are you?”

Ouch. Guess I deserved that. “I’m sorry, bro. I couldn’t tell you. If it was just about me, I would, but I had to think about him, too. His job was on the line.”

Looking away from me, Finn struggled to process the news. I got that he was hurt, but I hoped his good-hearted nature would prevail. It was the one thing in the world I could always count on. At last, he faced me again and said, “So why tell me now? What changed?”

Holding his gaze, I let out a long, shaky breath. “I’m telling him I love him today, after class. And I want my best friend to know it, too. ”

He must have picked up on my insecurity. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just… We haven’t seen each other in four weeks. We kept in touch, but… lately he seemed a bit different. Kind of distant.” Over winter break, I clung to Blake’s calls like an addict, rereading his texts until the words blurred together. Hope you’re doing well. Busy day. Talk soon . Short, polite, and aloof. Not the Blake I knew. Not the man who had kissed me with such need that my legs almost gave out beneath me. Not the man who had held me in his bed, his voice low and full of promises.

“What do you mean?”

I mulled it over for a moment, then took my phone and opened my chat with Blake again. This time I let Finn take a better look. “We used to text each other all through the day, exchanging dozens of messages. He even called me when he could. Then the time between his messages got longer, while his texts got shorter. This last week he stopped calling me altogether. I don’t know what to think.”

“Uh-oh,” Finn said, scrolling through the texts.

“What do you mean, ‘uh-oh?’”

“I mean—wow, is this Coach’s dick? He’s hung like a fucking horse!”

“Finn!” I snatched the phone from his hand.

“Sorry, bro. But yeah, that doesn’t sound good. ”

I sighed. “He… has a lot on his mind. I’m sure that being with his family, in his old city, has reminded him of some things he was trying to leave behind.”

“Well, good luck today. Otherwise, it’s gonna get really awkward in practice.”

“Thanks.” I took a sip of my coffee, then looked at him sideways. “So we’re cool? You’re not mad at me for not telling you sooner?”

“Oh, I’m super mad at you, dude. There’s gonna be hell to pay before you make it up to me.” Finn was trying his hardest to keep his expression stern, but the corner of his mouth quivered. “But yeah… we’re cool.”

“Fine,” I said, grinning. “Bring it on.”

Finn smiled, then his look became pensive. “Why does nobody send me any nudes?”

“I mean, I can send you one if it would make you feel better…”

“Thanks, but no thanks, bro. I’ve seen your junk enough times for a lifetime.”

“See, you’re too picky. You gotta be more open-minded.”

“More open-minded? Do I need to make out with you again to show you how open-minded I am?” Finn lurched at me, tongue flicking like a snake, pretending like he was about to kiss me.

“Dude, get off me!” I laughed so hard I could barely let the words out .

We slurped the last of our drinks and hurried outside, joking and laughing all the way back to campus. Practice was about to start and we wouldn’t be late this time.

* * *

The campus pulsed with life like a giant waking organism, buzzing with the energy of a new semester. Students swarmed the sidewalks, bundled in scarves and coats, their laughter forming little clouds in the crisp January air. I should’ve been one of them—eager, ready for a fresh start. Instead, I was counting the minutes. Seconds, even. Each tick of the clock brought me closer to seeing him again. Blake.

My stomach twisted as Finn and I stepped into the gym. I scanned the room, my heart pounding, but Blake wasn’t there yet.

“Yo, Ty! Finn!” Derek’s voice broke through my thoughts. Some of the guys jogged over, grinning, shaking hands with me and Finn. “Dude, I thought you two would never get here. Ready for another bout?”

“Yeah,” Finn and I said at the same time, voices flat, and everyone chuckled.

“Still in holiday mode, eh? I hear you, man.” Derek slapped my back, and we joined the rest of the team on the mats. The room smelled like sweat and ambition, the same as always. Something felt different, though. I tried to shake it off, focusing on the warm-up drills, but then the door opened, and there was—Coach Simmons.

Not Blake.

Our old coach strode in with a stiff gait, clipboard in hand, his whistle hanging around his neck. His hair had more gray in it than I remembered, his belly a little rounder. “Okay, gang, listen up,” he called out, his voice husky but kind, a bit tired. It had nothing of that sharp and authoritative tone that whipped us into shape for the last four months. “As of today, I’m back as your head coach. Hope you all had great holidays. But we’ve got a lot to cover today, so let’s get to it.”

“Excuse me, Coach,” Scott said. “What about Coach Hudson? Is he staying as an assistant coach?” He beat me to it only because I was still too shocked to react.

“Er, Coach Hudson won’t be coming back.”

“What?” I gasped, but my voice was drowned in the sea of confused murmurs.

“He submitted his resignation this morning,” Coach Simmons added, offering no further explanation. “Come on now, line up for the weigh-in.”

I felt like the ground was moving beneath my feet. I was sinking into quicksand.

“Bro, are you okay?” Finn asked, standing beside me, his hand on my back the only thing keeping me from falling. I must have looked like I was about to pass out, because then he yelled, “Coach, Tyler is feeling ill. I think I better take him to see the nurse. ”

Coach Simmons glanced at me over his glasses and nodded. “Uh, right. Do you need someone else to help you?”

“No, we’re good,” Finn threw over his shoulder and rushed me out of the gym.

As soon as we were out, I felt a panic attack taking hold of me. I struggled to breathe, my vision blurred, my head heavy. A boa constrictor coiled around my lungs, squeezing the air from of my chest. If not for the warmth of Finn’s body pressed against mine—his arm around my waist, mine slung over his neck—I’d swear I was evaporating like smoke into thin air.

“Ty, breathe,” Finn was saying, out of focus, fanning my face with his hand. “Just breathe. It’s gonna be okay.” He sat me down on the bench in the locker room and ran to the water cooler to get me a cup. He made me drink it and then splashed the last drops on my face.

“I have to go and see him, Finn,” I said, slowly coming around. “I have to talk to him.”

“Okay,” Finn said. He paced up and down the locker room a few times, running his fingers through his hair, then stopped in front of me. “Coach Simmons said Blake quit this morning. So he’s still gotta be at his house.”

I rose from the bench, my feet still swaying. “I’m going there.”

“Not without me, you ain’t. ”