Page 12 of The Captain’s Valentine (The “Other” Trents #3)
Friends! Harrison reminded himself as he watched Perdita be led to the dance floor at the ball being hosted by the Earl of Bentley and his wife. If he truly only held friendship in his heart for Perdita, he would not experience the churn of jealousy in his stomach each time she danced with a titled, wealthy, or even handsome gentleman.
At least he had managed to secure the supper dance, but had it been wrong to do so? That was usually the dance for courting couples, except neither one of them was courting anyone, and if he would have asked someone else, they may have hoped for a courtship, or at least that he would call.
There was only one woman that Harrison wanted to dance with, and he feared that he already cared for her far more than a friend should. In fact, it had taken everything within his being not to escort her down a dark walk at Vauxhall Gardens.
The urge to pull her into his arms and kiss her had been the strongest he’d experienced since his first infatuation, yet he kept from doing so and explained why he could and would not kiss her.
Perdita hadn’t even been bothered, as if the thought of their kissing had never occurred to her.
That alone was rather disconcerting, given the time that they had shared from the strolls, the shopping and other encounters. Did she not find him the least bit attractive or interesting enough to even wonder what a kiss might be like?
Yes, she claimed that she did not want to be a wife and was happy with her life but misses sometimes professed such when they were uncertain of affection from a man, or perhaps when they had been told why there would be no kissing.
He had always viewed Perdita as honest. Did she truly not care for him any deeper than that of a companion and friend?
If so, why did it bother him so much when it should make their association much easier since he would not need to fear that she’d fall in love with him and expect more?
Except, Harrison was afraid that he was already beyond smitten and infatuation, and more likely the one falling in love. And, he foolishly wanted her, so much so that he could not even bring himself to pursue a former lover among the widows who were offering a night of pleasure.
What the blazes had happened to him?
Had he been at sea too long? Did he get too much sun during the last crossing?
Maybe it was a head injury. He had been struck during the storm.
It certainly could not be because he may be in love with Miss Perdita Valentine. They hardly knew each other. Yes, friends, and affection, infatuation and desire were acceptable for the brief period of time that they had been acquainted but not love.
Maybe he needed Sinclair to examine him. Something was certainly off and Harrison was becoming more and more convinced that he was suffering a trauma to his brain. After all, his sister-in-law had struck her head and suffered amnesia for years, so it stood to reason that a blow to his head could make him less desirous of willing widows and his heart yearn for an innocent miss when he should still be longing for the blasted sea!
Maybe while he was away, he would recover from whatever plagued him and reach a certain decision for his future. If he missed Perdita beyond reason, then he would accept that he loved her. If he did not, more unlikely, he would retain their friendship and visit her when he was not sailing. However, if he longed for her in Barbados as much as he did standing in Bentley’s ballroom, then his sailing days were over.
Harrison pinched the bridge of his nose and strode to the refreshment table for a glass of wine. When he had decided to consider his future the day he had docked not so long ago, he never dreamed that it would be made all the more difficult by a beautiful blonde miss with sparkling blue eyes and a joyful smile who was tonight wearing a lavender gown that hugged her in a way that made his mouth water.
Bloody hell!
Lust, love, infatuation, friendship and desire. He suffered from them all because of Miss Perdita Valentine.
Harrison certainly looked handsome tonight with his black suitcoat and red waistcoat and she was thrilled to see him again, except after he had claimed the supper dance he disappeared, and stood on the far side of the ballroom glowering and brooding.
Had something happened to put him in a foul mood? Were the concerns he discussed with her the night before weighing heavier on him today?
Such were the thoughts that accompanied her through the evening and with each dance partner until it came time for Harrison to claim the supper waltz.
“Is all well?”
she asked as soon as they took the first step.
“Yes. Why do you ask?”
“You do not seem happy, but angry.”
Harrison drew in a deep breath then released it. “I fear that I let what we discussed last evening affect my mood tonight.”
“I know that it might not be easy to set such concerns aside, but did you not already decide to wait until you returned from your last voyage?”
“I did,”
he admitted.
“Then worrying now about a decision that will not be made for months disturbs what happiness you can enjoy now.”
Harrison chuckled and swept her into a turn.
“Philosopher,”
he whispered.
“I am not,”
she returned.
“Perhaps not, but you are far wiser than I am Perdita. I am truly glad that you are my friend.”
Her heart both warmed and ached at his words. She was glad to be his friend but wished he would at least find her kissable even if he did not plan to ever wed.
Thankfully he did relax during the waltz and no longer scowled. She was grateful for that and happily placed her hand on his sleeve so that he could escort her into supper.
As much as she loved her life and being at Westbrook House, a part of her could not help but hope that when he returned to England, Harrison had a change of heart and would give up sailing, or at least not travel so often, so that they could spend more time together.
Yes, she would always be a friend, and likely nothing more, but for him, if he came to care for her as she did for him, could she consider leaving Westbrook House?
Goodness! No wonder he was having such difficulty with his decision. As a woman, she either lived with relatives or found a position, if brave enough to become independent, but her options were very limited, unless some man decided that he wished to marry her. If she had to make the decision to leave Westbrook House for another unknown path, she was not certain that she could.
As they crossed the ballroom, Rosalind and Felding approached.
“I hope you do not mind if we join you,”
her sister advised because she certainly was not asking permission.
“Of course not,”
Perdita answered, though she was not certain if Harrison minded, but she couldn’t reject her sister without being asked why later.
After Felding maneuvered them to a table where the four could sit without being disturbed, the men went to secure plates of food.
“I do not understand him,”
Rosalind stated after they were far enough away.
“Felding? You married him what, three years ago, I assumed you would by now.”
“Not my husband, but Captain Trent.”
“There is little to understand, I am certain. Nor should we spend much effort in trying to do so. He is simply a friend whom I enjoy conversing with until he sails in a few weeks.”
“Yes, but if he is not going to pursue you, then he should not be by your side so often.”
“Why not?”
“It discourages other suitors. They will believe that he has found favor with you.”
Perdita nearly snorted. “As there were no suitors before I met Captain Trent, I find it difficult to believe that his dancing with me has discouraged anyone.”
“Yes, but you never know.”
“Please, Rosalind. As neither one of us wishes to wed, please let it be.”
Unfortunately, even as she said the words, Perdita knew that she had come to her own crossroads. If Harrison were to ask, she might just very well become a bride.
Goodness!
She had become far more attached to him than she realized. This could not be good, especially for having known him for such a short time.
However, was there truly a timeline on love? It was just a shame he would likely never return her affection.