Page 33 of The Calendar of New Beginnings (Dare Valley #9)

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

A ndy stared into her beloved face, feeling the soft texture of Lucy’s auburn hair between his fingers. His heartbeat was pounding in his chest. Please don’t say no. Not when I’ve put everything out there.

Her thumb slid over his hand in an unmistakable caress. “Let’s try this again,” she said, and this time, she leaned forward and tentatively touched her lips to his.

It was still a shock feeling her mouth on his, but somehow it helped that she was as tense as he was.

He ran his hand down her arm, hoping it would help them both relax.

Her lips brushed his once, twice, filled with heat, and when that sweet connection ended, he pressed forward again, fitting their mouths together more completely.

Her breath rushed out, and the urgent warmth of it inflamed his senses.

She was sweet and lush and tentative, but she was here.

This was a kiss he wanted them both to remember.

He tilted his head to the side, experimenting with the angle, flirting with the fit of their mouths. Her bottom lip was too lush to ignore so he kissed it. Then her upper lip had to receive its fair share as well. And soon they were kissing as if they’d been kissing forever.

The gasp she made was unfamiliar but welcome when he ran his tongue along the seam of her lips. And when she ran her tongue sensuously over his, he was surprised to hear himself groan. He needed to be closer to her. He tugged her off her chair and onto his lap.

Sliding his hands into her hair, he continued to kiss her in slow, sensual passes.

She traced his collarbone and then cupped the back of his neck.

That one simple touch made him feel edgy, out of control.

He kissed her one last time, drawing things out, then forced himself to inch back, mostly because he didn’t want to stop.

She was breathing as hard as he was. The light shining in her eyes touched the soft spot he’d carried in his heart for her all these years. But the flush on her cheeks and the redness of her lips tantalized him.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said, sliding his finger along her cheek. “I’ve never told you before.”

Her brow furrowed, and then she cuddled closer.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, wrapping his arms around her.

“The earth just shook,” she said matter-of-factly. “Didn’t you feel it?”

“It was a great kiss,” he said, happy to feel a smile cross his face after so much turmoil. “But the earth shaking? You flatter me.”

She sat up straighter on his lap. “That’s not what I meant. It shook because it was a big decision—for both of us. Andy, I already love you, and this just strengthens everything. It scares me. I don’t want…”

His heart clutched, as much from her profession of love—he knew how she felt, but after kissing her, it struck a different chord in him—as from the regret lacing her voice. “What?”

“I don’t want to need you,” she whispered, “and feeling like this when I already care about you so much and respect you and enjoy spending time with you…”

Being with Kim had taught Andy that needing someone didn’t have to be a bad thing. “You’re looking at it differently than I do. It’s not needing. It’s only enjoying someone more than you enjoy other people.”

She took a moment. “I like that. Andy, so much in my life has changed recently, and here we are in my new kitchen in Dare Valley. We’ve known each other our whole lives, but I’m sitting on your lap, and we just kissed for the first time. I feel like everything I thought I knew is falling away.”

“Our bond might be changing,” he said, his voice deep, “but it isn’t falling away.”

“I know it was only our first kiss—I’m not counting the earlier one, by the way—but it was a big moment for both of us.”

He was glad she understood. “The biggest. I need you to read something.” He carefully pulled a letter out of his pocket and handed it to her, his gut gripping with tension.

“Natalie is the only other person who’s read this.

I showed it to her to encourage her to be with Blake.

But after what just happened between us, I… want you…to read it.”

“Okay,” she said quietly, opening the letter slowly. “Oh…my. It’s from Kim.” Her gaze shot to him, searching his face.

He swallowed thickly. “Yeah…it’s from Kim.”

She bit her lip, and he knew why. Kim’s words did that to him every time he had the courage to read them. Of course, he knew them all by heart now .

Dear Andy,

I asked you to open this letter today because it’s now been a year since my death.

I can’t imagine what you’ve been through.

After I learned I was sick, I would lie in our bed at night listening to you breathe and try and imagine how I would feel if you were the one who had cancer and died, leaving me alone with Danny.

Even though imagining it created the most incredible agony inside me, the reality is probably much worse.

I knew it would hurt you too much if I tried to talk to you about finding someone else to love after losing me, so that’s why I wrote this letter.

A part of you probably still feels bound by the vows we made even though I’m not there anymore.

While you may not want to hear it, and honestly I don’t want to say it, I want you to find someone else to love.

You won’t rush. That much I know. Heck, you didn’t even rush when we first started dating and were so hot for each other.

You always take your time. That’s why you were meant to be a doctor.

With every relationship, it’s like you are always monitoring the vitals, the progress, looking for a change in the status.

I won’t tell you to choose a good mother for Danny because I know you will.

I won’t even tell you to choose someone who makes you laugh because you’ll find the right person for you.

And why do I believe that? Because I believe in angels, and when I get to heaven and it’s the right time, I’m going to ask God to let me come back and help you find the next woman of your heart.

I only ask that you let me.

This is hard to write, and I’m crying, partly because I know you’re probably crying as you read this. But you’ll know when you’re ready to start being open again, putting yourself out there. As someone who had the privilege of being loved by you, no one knows better how much love you have to give.

Give it, my love, when the time comes.

I’ll be there, rooting you on, wishing you every happiness always.

I love you,

Kim

“Do you go to pieces every time you read this?” Lucy asked, handing him the letter and wiping at the tears swimming down his face.

He slipped the letter back into his jacket, feeling the love in it against his rapidly beating heart. “Yeah, but I needed you to know…oh God…that you helped me open my heart again. And that Kim is rooting for you and me. Things will only get easier from here.”

“Will they?” she asked, searching his face. “I just read one of the most heartbreaking and brave letters imaginable after hearing you say you love me.”

He had to grip his knees to control the trembling of his hands .

“Andy, what I feel for you is stronger than anything I’ve ever felt for another person. It’s just… I love you so much, and you’ve already been through so much with Kim. I…”

When she paused, he couldn’t draw in a solid breath.

“I don’t want you to get hurt again. I…want to be with you, but there’s so much we don’t know. What happens when I leave? I mean, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to take photos up to my standards again, but I want to keep working. To keep traveling. I don’t know?—”

He pressed his finger to her mouth. “I know it’s hard to live with all those questions. All I can promise is that I’m here and that I love you. Don’t worry about hurting me. That’s the wrong perspective. Focus on loving me—for as long as you want to.”

Her hands cupped his face. “Even though we just kissed for the first time, I can’t imagine ever wanting to stop loving you.”

As far as he was concerned, that was the only thing that mattered. “So when the questions come up—for both of us—let me hold you and kiss you and tell you that. We’ll face things together.”

She looked down and fiddled with the edge of his T-shirt. “And what about sex? At some point, we’ll want to do that too, right? Of course we will. We love each other. Doesn’t that scare you?”

This time he gulped. “It does a little. It would be another big enough step for both of us. When we end up making love, we’ll talk things through. There’s no need to rush anything.”

The healthy adult male inside him knew what he wanted.

Hot sex. Meaningful sex. It had been a long time, and yes, it would mean severing yet another connection with Kim, but it would also be a happy step forward if it was where he and Lucy decided to go.

And after kissing her just now, he wanted to go there.

But he was also older and wiser. A lot was changing—in her life and between them. He wanted them both to feel comfortable and to take care with each other.

“So are we dating now?” she blurted out. “I mean, showing me Kim’s letter seems to imply that and more. I mean, neither one of us is the booty-call type unless you have some really dark secrets I can’t imagine, and I think I just said ‘I mean’ twice. I’m babbling.”

“You did repeat that.” He couldn’t help the slow smile he gave her.

“I like ‘booty’ as much as any guy, but that’s not my thing.

And please don’t ever sext me while I’m at work.

When Kim and I were first married, she did it as a joke, and I just happened to have my phone lying on my desk.

The nurse I was talking to saw the message when my screen lit up, and she dropped a patient’s file. ”

Holy crap. Why had he told her that?

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be telling you stories like that.”