Page 18 of The Calendar of New Beginnings (Dare Valley #9)

CHAPTER NINE

A fter a quick run through the park after work, Andy showered and headed over to his mother’s house. He hadn’t called to tell her he was dropping by, but he knew she’d be there alone. Moira had agreed to help arrange it.

His sister was free and clear of her old job, having cleared out her office on Friday.

They’d celebrated with drinks afterward.

His sister hadn’t asked him about his protectiveness toward Lucy at Hairy’s the other night, thank heavens.

Then again, she knew him well enough to deduce he had his reasons.

When his mom opened the door and saw him, she immediately tightened up. It wasn’t like him to stop by without warning, let alone at five thirty on a Monday.

“What’s the matter?” she asked, looking over his shoulder. “Is something wrong with Danny?”

His heart sank, and he knew he had been right to come here.

It was past time for him—for them—to face their demons.

“No, he’s with Jane and Moira. Jane agreed to give Danny and Rufus some dog training after I begged.

And Mo’s soaking up all the auntie time she can get during her break from the day job. ”

“Moira told me she was heading to Jane’s, but she didn’t mention seeing Danny.” Her shoulders sagged with relief, and a slow smile flickered across her round face. “You were a good daddy to let Danny have a dog. I know Rufus isn’t easy, but he makes him so happy.”

“I tell myself that daily,” Andy said with a laugh, pulling her into a hug.

“Lucy told you about our calendar,” his mom said against his chest.

He nodded. “Yeah. How about we sit and have a drink?”

She fussed with the hem of her cream blouse before turning and striding off to the kitchen. He followed her, aware of the tension locking her shoulders in place once again.

“Mom,” he said as he entered her bright apple-green kitchen, “I’m not upset about the calendar. I was just…bothered you were afraid to tell me about it.”

After handing him his favorite beer, she busied herself with pouring a glass of Cabernet. Giving her a moment to stew, he retrieved the shamrock bottle opener, popped the top off his beer, and took a deep draw. The IPA wet his whistle, but it didn’t soothe his dry throat.

“Mom, we need to talk about it,” he said, and she turned around so quickly, the wine sloshed a little in her glass.

He took it from her and led the way to the kitchen table.

She kept an array of bright tablecloths on it now, but when they were growing up, the bare surface had played host to a record number of ketchup stains and spilled milk.

He and his siblings used to finish their homework at this table after their afternoon snack.

Once complete, they’d packed up their individual book bags and gone outside to play.

Usually, Lucy was waiting for him in the yard because she always finished her homework faster than anyone alive.

“Lucy said you were afraid you’d stir me up with this calendar,” he said after they both sat down. Reaching for the clenched hand in her lap, he said, “Mom, it’s not the calendar. We…never talked about how I reacted when you told me about the lump in your breast.”

She looked down, not meeting his gaze.

“Hearing you had a lump—even a benign one…” For a man who said and read the word benign more than the average citizen, it stuck in his throat like a wishbone.

“It scared the shit out of me, Mom.”

She didn’t rebuke him for his language. She only gripped his hand tighter.

“I can’t imagine how scared you must have been too. And I know why you kept it from me at first. From all of us. I’m so glad Natalie found out like she did, because I’m not sure you would have told us otherwise.”

Her lips formed a tight line before she said, “No, I wouldn’t have.”

He scooted his chair closer until their knees met. “That’s why I’m here. Mom, what happened to Kim was horrible. There are no words to describe what her loss meant to me and what it still means to me. But you’re my mom …”

Crap. He swiped at the tears gathering in his eyes with his free hand. She sniffed, but didn’t let her tears fall.

“You’re my mom,” he continued, trying to breathe. “We’re supposed to support each other. And I’m a freaking doctor. If I can’t help my own mom when she gets a call from her doctor saying they found a lump in her breast, what good am I?”

She cupped his cheek like he was a little boy again, and his heart broke clean in half.

“What good are you?” she asked with a soft smile.

“You’re the most amazing man I could ever imagine, and the bonus is you’re my son.

You were dealt a blow that would turn most people bitter, and yet you continue to be a bright, shining light.

Not just for this family, but for your beautiful son and everyone else in this town, including your patients. ”

“Ah…Mom,” he said hoarsely, totally at sea with his emotions.

“Andy Michael Hale, from the time Dr. Getties put you in my arms, you have been a miracle to me and everyone around you. But my health is my health. I dismissed telling you all about the lump initially since I had Ellen to lean on. A mother doesn’t want to worry her children needlessly.”

Needlessly? “But Mom?—”

“Andy, I know you are still grieving over Kim. That you’re doing the best you can.

I admire the hell out of you for it. But if you think I would add one more worry or hurt to all the ones you already carry…

” This time her voice broke. “I’m not sure I would have told any of you about the scare even if Kim hadn’t passed away. ”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “That’s just crap.”

“I mean it, mister,” she said, narrowing hers back in return. “You’re a parent. There are things you don’t share with Danny.”

“He’s a kid,” he protested, reaching for his beer and taking a fortifying drink.

“And you’re my kid,” she said, her face filled with love. “That never changes. No matter how old you get.”

He sat back, drinking his beer. She didn’t let go of his hand, but took a sip of her wine as well.

“I hear you,” he finally said. “But I don’t want you to ever think you can’t come to us for support. You’re our mom, and we love you more than anything. Promise me you won’t keep something this serious from us again.”

He didn’t want to say so out loud, but she’d done the same thing about her marital problems with their father. One day, after nearly forty years of marriage, she’d up and walked out, saying their father wasn’t interested in being married anymore. Unfortunately, she’d been right.

“I won’t make a promise like that, Andy,” she said quietly.

Her eyes entreated him to understand. But he’d also learned a thing or two at her feet. “Mom, I need to be there for you.”

“You are , honey,” she said, setting her wine glass aside and cupping his cheek again.

“But I’m not your responsibility. You only feel that way because of all the pressure your father and I put on you as the eldest child in the family.

I don’t want to repeat past mistakes. You’re a man with his own family. I can take care of myself.”

“No one doubts your ability to take care of yourself, Mom. That’s not what this is about.”

“Then?” she asked, searching his face. “You’re afraid to fail me like you feel you failed Kim.”

He hung his head. “You sound like Lucy.”

A soft chuckle reached his ears. “She’s always been a smart one. You might be a doctor, Andy, but you’re not God.”

“More’s the pity,” he mumbled. And because he was sure she was going to sock him for being irreverent, he added, “Think of all the people I could help on a daily basis if I were.”

“Oh, honey,” she said in that aggrieved tone he recognized from his childhood. “What do you think you do every day at the hospital?”

He didn’t have a response to that. Since Kim’s death, he’d questioned everything, including his purpose as a doctor.

His mother and Lucy were right about him.

In one very dark moment in the middle of a long, sleepless night, he’d asked himself: What kind of doctor couldn’t save his own wife from dying of cancer?

Fortunately, between his hours at the hospital and his responsibilities as a single father, he’d had little time to sit with that question. But this business with his mom’s health scare and Lucy’s eye… He was being faced with his own helplessness all over again.

“I’m glad you’re doing the calendar, Mom,” he said, reaching for his beer. “I’m all for anything that’s going to help raise money and awareness for breast cancer.”

“Would you be willing to be featured as one of the twelve?” she asked.

He gasped in horror. “Good God, no.”

“I was only teasing.” She laughed with gusto. “We needed to lighten up. I’m looking forward to being Miss April, by the way.”

“Not April,” he said, groaning. “Even I know you were called Miss April in high school.”

“College too, dear,” she added. “I was quite a beauty in my day.”

“You still are,” he said, leaning over and kissing her cheek. “Don’t let Dad spoil that.”

“I won’t. That I can promise you.”

They both reached for their drinks again and sipped in silence. Through the curtains in the kitchen, Andy took in the orange and pink hues of sunset. Fall was creeping into Dare Valley. Soon the snow would come, but for now, the leaves were starting to turn, resembling the sunset outside.

“I’m glad we both moved back to Dare Valley,” he said.

“Me too.” She let go of his hand, and he realized his chest wasn’t as tight.

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, honey,” she answered, draining her wine.

“Since we’re on the subject of things I’m willing to share, would you kindly let your siblings know that I plan to start dating again?

I feel a sufficient amount of time has passed since the divorce was finalized, and I’ve sorted out who I am and who I want to be. ”

His mother was planning on dating again? He supposed he should have expected it. She was still young and beautiful and had a lot to give.

“Maybe I’ll see you out there,” she added, jostling his shoulder.

It took him a moment to realize what she meant. “Mom. Really. I’m still easing my way into it. I don’t?—”

“I know you don’t,” she finished for him. “But Kim would want you to.”

That meant his mom didn’t know about the letter Kim had sent him. He’d assumed Natalie wouldn’t share the information with anyone but Blake, but he’d never had the guts to ask her outright.

“I know Kim would, but I have to be the one who wants to date again. Despite the agreement I made with Natalie.”

“That was smart of you,” she said with a slow shake of her head.

“Those two belong together.” A pause hung between them, and then his mother said, “Speaking of the calendar, Lucy’s mother and I are worried about her.

Has she told you the real reason why she’s back?

She told her dad a few vague things about healing from an attack on a village, but that’s all we know. ”

So Lucy had opted for a highly censored version of the real story. He considered his options for a couple moments. “You know I would never keep anything from you, but out of respect for Lucy, anything she might have said to me will remain between us. She’s my best friend, Mom.”

“But she’s Ellen’s daughter and as hard-headed as her father,” his mom said, her mouth suddenly grim.

Personally, Andy didn’t think Lucy had inherited her hard head from Harry, but he wasn’t going to say that to his mother. “I’m not getting into the middle of things.”

“Andy, it’s for her own?—”

“Good,” he finished. “I know. But trust me. Lucy feels like you do about your life and your health.” Funny how he hadn’t realized how similar their stances were until now. “You independent women.”

She shook her fist playfully. “Don’t say that again, buster, or I’ll box your ears. If you ever have a daughter, you’ll be happy if she’s independent. Like me and your sisters.”

But they took it too far sometimes, he personally thought, though he would only admit it under duress or bone-deep worry. “You’re all rock stars,” he said to be agreeable.

“And you’re full of hog manure sometimes,” she said, standing up and taking his empty beer bottle over to the blue recycling container. “Since you asked me for a promise earlier…”

“Which you didn’t grant,” he pointed out.

“I bet you’re the only one who knows the real story about why Lucy’s back in Dare Valley, so promise me you’ll look out for her,” she continued, bold as the blue jay squawking in her backyard.

“Mom.”

“Andy.”

They faced each other down in the kitchen. “I’ll look out for her.”

“Good,” she said simply, giving him a warm smile.

But when he left a half hour later, he realized he hadn’t made that promise just because his mother had asked it of him.

Andy was used to doing things for other people—so much so that he sometimes forgot to ask himself what he wanted. This was something he wanted. He wanted to look out for Lucy for himself.