Page 59 of The Boathouse by the Loch (The Scottish Highlands #4)

‘Bonnie?’ Marnie looked at her in surprise. This had never happened in their previous sessions. She cast her glance around the room and held her finger to her lips. Everyone realised the enormity of what had just happened – she was remembering.

‘Yes?’ Bonnie replied.

‘Now, let’s journey into your past, all the way back to last Christmas. Can you do that?’

‘I’ll try.’

‘Good. It’s Christmas Day. Can you tell me where you are, Robyn?’

‘Quit calling me Robyn. I told you my name!’

Marnie apologised. ‘Of course. I’m sorry.

’ She’d made a genuine mistake after the previous sessions, where she’d obviously grown accustomed to calling her client Robyn.

Although Marnie had been aware the young woman had lost her memories, she, like everyone else in that room, had had no clue before that day that her client’s name wasn’t really Robyn.

There was still a collective gasp and murmurings from her friends upon hearing her say, quit calling me Robyn . Marnie shot them a warning look and pointed at the door. Absolutely nobody moved a muscle. Everybody wanted to stay to hear this. She’d have to physically throw them out now.

Marnie turned back to her patient. ‘It’s Christmas morning. Where are you?’

‘Where do you think I am?’ came the retort. ‘Same place as yesterday, same place as every day.’

‘And where is that, Bonnie?’

‘I try and make it pretty, you know. We’ve got no money, so I made curtains and cushions from fabric I bought cheap at a charity shop,’ she paused. ‘I like things to look pretty. Sometimes I see the magazines in the newsagent with big pictures of celebrity houses, you know, with everything!’

Marnie said softly, ‘Have you got a house, Bonnie?’

‘I wish!’ She didn’t give Marnie time to ask a further question.

‘ I keep saying to him, one day I’m going to live in a real house instead of a caravan.

’ Bonnie smiled to herself, as though imagining just what her dream house would be.

Then her expression changed, and she pointed, lowering her voice, ‘Don’t be stupid, woman!

’ as though she was impersonating someone.

She smiled again. ‘So I don’t say it anymore, but I think it all the same. ’

‘What did you do on Christmas Day? Were you in the caravan?’ Marnie probed.

‘Yes. I remember I was feeling ill, like a really bad hangover, except I don’t drink.’ She let out a laugh.

‘Did you go see a doctor?’

‘No doctor. Logan says I’ll be fine.’

‘Who’s Logan?’ Marnie asked.

‘My boyfriend.’

Marnie lifted her eyes and looked across the room at David. His eyes were riveted on Bonnie, his expression pained. She wasn’t the only one who had turned to look at him. His friends and family had too. They were looking worried.

‘Logan wants to go out, to the pub to see his mates, and get drunk no doubt, but I don’t want to. I just want to stay home. That’s what ordinary people do. They stay home and unwrap presents, and watch the King’s speech.’

She touched her face. ‘Funny thing …’ She started to laugh, but caught herself, putting her hand to her mouth.

‘What’s funny Ro … Bonnie?’

‘Well it’s not funny, it’s kinda weird, because I’m always saying to Logan not my face , because I don’t want him to get into trouble, but now I’m saying my face, my face. ’

Marnie frowned. ‘Bonnie, I don’t understand.’

‘What d’ya mean – you don’t understand? Just look at me, look at my face.’ She touched her face gently and flinched at her own touch . ‘I knew I shouldn’t have fussed, and just gone out with him straight away.’

‘Does he physically harm you, Bonnie?’

‘Isn’t it obvious?’

There was a sudden scrape of a chair as someone in the room abruptly stood up. Everyone looked a David, standing there, fists clenched as though he wanted to punch someone – punch Logan.

Gayle reached for his hand and slowly coaxed him to sit back down.

Marnie waited to be sure there wouldn’t be another interruption. ‘Is that why you say to him not to harm your face?’

‘Uh-huh.’ Her voice sounded so sweet, so innocent, so young yet so vulnerable.

‘So what’s changed? Do you want him to get caught now? ’

She shook her head.

‘Why not?’ David’s voice suddenly rang out.

She seemed not to notice the change in questioner and answered the question anyway. ‘What would I do? Where would I go?’

Marnie jumped in quickly before any of the others got the idea that they could interrupt the session, and ask their own questions, ‘Haven’t you got some family you could confide in – a mother, a sister, or an aunt maybe?’

Bonnie let out a hysterical laugh. ‘I’ve been kicked around worse by that lot. Logan was my ticket out.’

‘Some ticket,’ someone murmured.

Marnie ignored the comment, although she silently agreed with it, and continued with her line of questioning. ‘So, why … would you rather the bruising on your face?’

She said quietly, ‘I don’t want him to harm the baby.’

Everyone took a sharp intake of breath at that revelation, except Marnie and Gayle, who’d known the young woman who had thought her name was Robyn had been pregnant before the accident.

When Marnie had first started the sessions, it had agreed that Dr Jamieson could discuss her patient’s medical history, such as it was – stemming from her stay in hospital on Christmas Day after the car accident.

After a minute’s silence, while everyone, especially David, digested this news, she began again. ‘So Logan persuaded ,’ she emphasised the word, ‘you to go with him.’ It wasn’t a question.

‘Oh, yeah. He’s good at persuading.’

Marnie frowned. ‘I can imagine.’ And she could well imagine that there were a few murderous thoughts swinging around that room to do with Logan at that very moment. She avoided the temptation to look at anyone .

‘Can you tell me what happened when you went out in the car on Christmas Day? Remember, you’re witnessing these events like a movie, except you’re the star of this movie. All you need to do is tell me what you see – can you do that?’

‘I wish it was set in England. I do so love those old black-and-white movies. You know, those Edgeware movies.’

‘I think you mean Ealing. And no, this one is set in Scotland. So, where are you now?’ Marnie prompted.

‘In a lovely little town where I’ve never been before. It’s dark, but there’s twinkly lights, and Christmas decorations in shop windows, and … and there’s an old-fashioned train station.’

‘Sounds like Aviemore,’ said Marnie.

‘It’s sooo cold. How could I be so silly, leaving my coat in the car? I know why. I’m in a hurry to escape …’

‘Escape?’ repeated Marnie. ‘Are you running away from Logan?’

Suddenly Bonnie stood up. She flung her arms around herself frantically rubbing her arms up and down, and stamping her feet.

Everyone’s eyes were on Bonnie. Something wasn’t quite right.

‘What’s happening?’ David whispered. ‘Is she … sleepwalking?’

Marnie stood up slowly. She spoke quietly, glancing at her patient.

‘Sometimes this happens. I have tried to access her memories as though she is just an observer, but this time she is in deep. Obviously I have taken her back to that day. She’s re-living those events in real time, like they are actually happening. ’

‘Pull her out. Now.’ David’s voice was insistent.

‘Wait.’ Jake intervened. ‘She’s still OK, right? I mean, if we let it go on a little further, you can pull her out any time?’ he asked in a hushed voice .

Marnie thought about this. ‘I see no reason not to continue a little further. However, as you’ve seen, she is no longer answering my questions, so it is up to her now to see what she reveals about that Christmas Day.’

Marnie resumed her seat.

Everyone waited and watched as she cast a furtive glance behind her, as though she was checking she wasn’t being followed.

‘Can you tell me what you see?’ Marnie asked.

‘It’s so dark. There’s no shops open. Everyone’s gone home for Christmas.’ She cupped her hands and blew into them as though trying to warm them up. ‘Now I’m free I don’t know what to do, where to go.’

‘Are you no longer in Logan’s car?’

‘I … I tried to start the car and drive off when he got out, but the car wouldn’t start.’

She suddenly raised her eyebrows, as though something had caught her attention. ‘Oh, my god.’

‘What is it?’ Marnie asked.

‘I see a light on in a shop.’

‘On Christmas Day?’

She didn’t reply, but glanced over her shoulder, eyes darting around the room as though looking for someone.

‘It must be a security light they leave on to deter people from breaking in. Not that it would deter Logan. ’ She stopped abruptly and put her hand to her mouth.

‘I shouldn’t have said that.’ She spoke so quietly the others could barely hear.

‘You won’t tell anyone I said that, will you? ’ she whispered.

‘It’s just you and me, Bonnie,’ Marnie whispered back, suppressing a smile at the absurdity of that statement. Just you, me, and a bunch of people who want to know who you really are .

Bonnie said, ‘But it can’t be just a security light because I see, I see …’

‘What do you see?’

‘There’s a woman sitting at a table in the window of Wilbur’s Bookstore.

’ She craned her neck. ‘She’s looking right at me and she’s pointing.

No, wait … she’s not looking at me. She can’t even see me because it’s pitch black out here.

She’s drawing on the window … yes, in the misted-up window she’s drawing something. ’

The same thought was going through everyone’s mind; the person sitting in Wilbur’s Bookstore on Christmas Day must have been Robyn – the real Robyn.

And what everyone wanted to know was: if the person sitting in front of them was not Robyn Parker, which she obviously wasn’t, what had happened to the real Robyn?

‘Can you describe her?’ Jake broke ranks and spoke out of turn.

Marnie was about to admonish him, but to everyone’s surprise, she answered his question. ‘She’s a young woman, but the window is too misted-up for me to see her clearly.’ Her eyes moved to her left. ‘I’m going to try the door. It says it’s closed, but I’m going to try it anyway.’

‘What’s happening?’ Jake whispered to the shrink.

Marnie whispered, ‘She’s going into the shop.’

Everybody leaned forward in their seats as she held out her hand and tried the door in her memory. ‘It’s locked!’ She held up her hand, appearing to knock on an imaginary door. She suddenly stopped, lowering her hand.

Then she looked down and seemed to be studying what she was wearing. ‘What will they think?’

They? Jake mouthed, looking around the room at the others, who were exchanging confused glances .

Marnie said, ‘Is there someone else in the shop with the young woman?’

She didn’t seem to hear the question; she was too busy looking down at what she was wearing.

‘I’m standing here in a flimsy dress with no coat,’ she touched her face, ‘and a face like a punch bag. I don’t know what I’m going to say if someone answers the door.

I’m not here to buy a book. I’m trying to hide from Logan.

Oh, the girl, the one I saw in the window, is coming over.

I’m scared she’s going to tell me to leave, but she surprises me when she says, Hi, we’re having tea, want to join us?

Like I’m just an ordinary person who’s strolled in to look for a book on Christmas Day.

I know the shop said Closed in the window.

And she doesn’t ask me questions that are going to make me embarrassed, like why I haven’t got proper winter clothes on, or a coat, and what I’m doing here all alone on Christmas Day.

Somehow I feel I’m good company. Like they understand. ’

Bonnie smiled before she continued her story …

‘The lady speaks with an accent. I know straight off that’s she’s from England.

She speaks with this posh English accent that I recognise from all those wonderful old black-and-white movies that I love.

And suddenly I’m feeling so sick of my life, like I’ve completely had it, you know?

I always wanted just to be able to step into one of those old movies, just step out of my old life and into some place different, be somebody different. ’

She paused. ‘Is that so very bad? To want something more out of life?’

She didn’t wait for an answer, although given the chance, every person in the room would have answered no in unison .

‘It was kind of like a dream, finding that old bookstore on Christmas Day. ’

Marnie said, ‘Can you tell me what you mean by that, Bonnie?’

She nodded. ‘I felt like I’d just stepped into a movie, having tea with a girl with an English accent, not questioning what I was doing there, and the other girl, who’d been sitting with her, letting me take her seat, and serving us drinks.

Suddenly I didn’t want to be me anymore.

When I was alone in the caravan, I’d stand in front of the mirror and talk to myself as though I was one of those English ladies with a proper education from university.

It’s silly, I know, but it kept me going when Logan . .. when things got bad.’

‘Not at all,’ said Marnie.

There were whispers of agreement around the room.

‘I was making plans. I didn’t know how I was going to do it or where I would go, but I sat in that bookshop, and I thought, no way am I going back to Logan. No way. ’ She hesitated. ‘It was my chance.’

‘Your chance?’ Marnie said.

‘Yes. I just wanted to be like her, be like the girl in the window, be educated and know about books and not be me. We felt like kindred spirits, us three girls, all there on Christmas Day to get away from the people in our lives, although nobody spoke of them.’

‘What happened next?’

‘Tell me what the English woman looked like,’ Jake interrupted.

‘Logan? I thought you said we were alone. Did you tell Logan where I am?’

Jake raised his eyebrows and his hands in a conciliatory gesture.

‘There’s … um, nobody here. Just you and me, and your memory of that day,’ said Marnie.

‘But I heard a man’s voice. I thought it was in my imagination before, but now I’m sure …’

Everyone in the room, including Marnie, saw her getting increasingly agitated. Marnie took her hands. ‘It’s just you and me, Bonnie.’

She pulled free. ‘I don’t believe you!’

Jake said, ‘Please, at least tell me her name? Do you know her name?’

Marnie swung round to Jake. ‘Quiet!’

David said, ‘I think we need to bring her out of it – right now!’

Marnie agreed. ‘Bonnie, it’s time to return to from your journey into the past …’