Page 2 of The Biker’s Second Chance (Chrome Creed MC #2)
THEN AGAIN MAYBE NOT
JAYNE
I can feel the eyes of every last person burning into my back as I watch Spike walk out the door.
I knew he was mad. Hell, I knew the man probably hated me for what I'd done to him, but I never thought he'd just not give a fuck.
I've never seen him this cold. Not even when I was leaving him did he act like this.
I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do.
True, it was a fucked-up choice to make, choosing to come to Leo first before I let Spike know I was here, but I'd hoped that he'd be kept out of this. That he'd never even know I was here. Unfortunately, shit is going bad way too fast for me to keep hiding out.
"What part of stay at the hotel do you not understand? This is the shit I didn't want to happen," Leo growls, and I only now realize that he's walked up behind me.
"I'm sorry. I didn't have a choice. This wasn't supposed to go down like this." My eyes search the large main room of the clubhouse, my mind settling on certain spots.
Places here that are going to be forever ingrained in my memory.
The corner near the bar where Spike bent me over the barstool and fucked me so hard I blurted out that I loved him.
The overstuffed chair where I sat on Spike's lap and he told me about his dream to open an orphanage.
The window I used to look out of when I was waiting for him to come back from a run.
This whole clubhouse is nothing but memories for me. Memories that are all rushing back at once.
I'm a piece of shit.
It's my fault that Spike is being a dick to me. If I hadn't broken his heart, he'd be the first one to help me. Now I'm basically force-feeding pain down his throat. Just the thought of hurting him is making my stomach turn.
"Prez, you want me to go after Spike?" Tella calls out from the side, and it draws my attention back to the present.
"No, let him cool off. I'm sure he's going to have more than enough to say when he gets back."
"He's going to be furious," I whisper, and Leo scoffs as if I'm telling him something he already knows.
I can't do this to Spike. Not again.
"I need to get out of here." I shake my head and try to backtrack out of the clubhouse. When I stormed in, I was determined to get Leo's help. I told myself that this had nothing to do with Spike and I could keep him out of it.
How fucking stupid can I be.
It's just not possible.
"Get out of here? I thought you didn’t have anywhere else to go?" Leo narrows his eyes at me.
"I don’t... I mean... Look, it’s not like I’m wanted here, am I?" I squint at him and turn to go to the door.
"Jayne, hold up. Just wait a second." Leo rushes to catch me before I get out the door.
"What, Leo? What?" I am moments away from breaking down. I don’t want to do that here. I don’t want anyone to see the torrent of tears that are about to pour down my face.
"Just give him a little while. You know how Spike is. He’s going to need some time to deal with this."
I understand everything that Leo is saying to me.
He’s right. Spike has always been the type to take a few minutes to get through his big feelings, but usually he comes to his senses.
The issue is that right now I’m not sure good common sense would have him coming back to me.
In fact, I’m sure if he knew what was best for him, he’d stay as far away from me as possible.
"Yeah, I’m not going to hold my breath." I scoff at Leo and turn to the door.
I’m not going to get the help I need here.
In fact, I’m not sure I’ll be able to find the help I need anywhere.
The night air is colder now that the heat of my frustration has receded. I lift my chin up to the sky and let the wetness in the air wash against my face. How I wish it would rain right now. At least the water would wash away some of the dread I was feeling.
Just take one step and then another one.
Repeating that mantra in my mind is the only way I make it back to my car.
I don’t know where to go, or even what I’m going to do for that matter. All I know is I need to get away from Spike and the rest of the Chrome Creed. Just being in that clubhouse reminds me of exactly what I missed out on when I decided to walk out of Spike’s life.
With the darkness getting heavier and heavier the longer I am outside, I make the decision to simply go back where I came from. Leo set me up with a hotel room. I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to stay here, but at least I know I can stay here for the night.
I park my car in the lot. There are a few cars in the area. Some that I can only assume are abandoned, and others that I’m sure will only be here for an hour or so.
It seems the night walkers and prostitutes use this place to turn their tricks. It’s none of my business. I don’t want anything to do with that.
Slowly, I walk away from my car, making sure to lock the doors as I step out. My attention snaps to the side when I hear a woman’s laughter.
She tosses her head back, and just from the bit of streetlight shining on her face, I can see the garish red lipstick on her lips and the bright blue shadow on her slightly hooded eyes. Her eyes flick in my direction for a second before she continues pawing and laughing with her john.
In that instant, I can tell this was all just work for her. The laughter, pretending to be enjoying herself, all of it was just a job. Staying safe was part of it. The minute she realized I wasn’t going to be a threat was the minute she put me out of her mind.
Is that really how I’m perceived? As a non-threat?
It’s sad. How someone as simple as me, a non-threat, could be so deep into the shit that not even an excavator would be big enough to dig me out.
The weight of everything that didn’t happen today felt like a five-ton slab across my chest. When I put my key in the lock, in that moment, my world flipped upside down once again.
Every last piece of my property was thrown around the room. The sheets were ripped up, mattresses flipped, and on the wall, one statement that will stay plastered in my mind for the rest of my life.