Page 4

I stare at the screen and wonder if he’s someone Eve or Camille recommended. Did one of them have sex with Logan, or did the system assign him to Sara?

As I scroll down the page, I notice a section for “interests.” These are things she’d consider but hasn’t committed to trying.

Threesome

And under that, her specified preference.

Two men, one woman.

I stare at the glowing green words. According to Sara, both of her friends tried the group stuff. It’s another detail she shared about how Eve and Camille spent their time there.

“It’s crazy,” she said in hushed tones. “Like, here’s Camille, she’s already committed to Ashton. He’s told her he loves her, and she’s said it to him, and then bang !”

“Bang?” I brushed a dark curl off her face. “What’s bang?”

“Gang bang, I guess.” She giggled as her cheeks turned bright pink. “Is that the right word for it?”

“You’re asking me?” I chuckled and let my hand roll down her side. The scent of her lilac shampoo filled my senses as I blurted the question I had no right to ask. “What configuration are we talking?”

“You mean, like—positions?”

“Do you know that?”

Sara bit her lip. “I know there were three guys. Three of them , Trent—Ashton and two others."

I didn’t know how to pose my next question. I tried to sound casual when I asked what I wanted to know. “Did the guys touch each other, or just Camille?”

Her cheeks went from pinkish to scarlet. Sara’s lips parted like it hadn’t occurred to her to ask. “I assume they didn’t touch each other.” She chuckled, and I laughed along with her. “Ash isn’t gay. He loves Camille .”

That’s when I dropped it. I don’t recall how I changed the subject, but I probably asked her if she wanted to go get a pizza. Or maybe I suggested an episode of one of those TV shows she loves, the ones where couples search for a lakefront home where their two precious children can frolic.

That’s the fantasy, right? Mom, Dad, a couple of kids. The nuclear family. That’s what Sara’s described for as long as I’ve known her. The dream we’ve chased since that very first day we built our marshmallow home out of toothpicks and squishy white cubes.

Drawing a breath, I click off the page. I shouldn’t be spying on Sara. I gave up the right to know all her fantasies as soon as I walked out the door.

Closing my eyes, I feel my mind wander. A scene starts to flicker on the backs of my eyelids.

Sara on rumpled sheets with her back to me.

Sara with her dark hair tousled, her perfect ass flawless and bare.

Her lush thighs spread open over the face of a muscular man on the bed.

She’s moaning and gasping, riding his tongue as his hands grip her ass.

“That’s it, Sara.” His imaginary voice fills the cavern of her thighs. “Come on my face.”

I picture his tongue in her folds, his giant hands holding her there. His swollen cock twitching with need, aching for hands or a mouth or the touch of someone just outside my view.

“Fuck it.” Before I can think through my options, I’m booking a flight to the airport that’s closest to Crystal Bliss Retreat.

The island is accessed by a private boat shuttle, but I’ll figure it out when I get there. Maybe bribing the captain or greasing the palm of a local fisherman. I’ll fucking swim there if I have to.

With my airfare booked, there’s only one thing left to do.

I pick up the phone and call Mom.

“Hey.” It’s a struggle to keep my voice even. “You alone? ”

She knows what I’m asking. “He’s on a four-month assignment near Japan.”

Thank God. “Cool.”

It’s my father we’re dancing around. The man in the shadows of all my dark thoughts. For most of my childhood, Dad wasn’t very involved. As a missile technician on a Navy sub, he’s overseas more than he’s home.

“It’s better that way,” Mom always said, and I knew it was true from the time I was small.

Clearing my throat, I tell Mom the truth now. “I’m not getting married.”

“What?” Her voice fills with tears. “Did you have a fight? Did Sara get cold feet or?—”

“I made the decision.” God, this is hard. “Look, I don’t want to get into it. I just know I can’t make her happy.”

“Trent Montgomery James.” She sounds like she’s crying. “That’s impossible. That girl has loved you since you were kids, and I know you love her. You deserve to be married and happy.”

Married and happy.

Like Mom has a clue what that looks like.

My brain bounces back to my sixteenth birthday. My father was home then, which meant he was yelling. At my mother, at Beck, at the neighbor, who knows?

But that time he turned on my mom. Backing her up with his hand on her throat, I knew he was seconds from hitting her. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen it, but it was the first time I felt big enough to stop it.

“Leave her alone.” I gave him a shove, releasing a torrent of expletives.

“Fucking pansy-ass prick,” he snarled, whirling to face me. “You think you can tell me what to do in my own home?”

I was shaking inside, but I didn’t back down. “Touch her again and I’ll kill you.”

I’m not sure what Dad saw in my eyes. Whatever it was, it’s likely the trait that makes me a fucking good SEAL. To the best of my knowledge, he hasn’t touched Mom since that day.

Which still doesn’t mean their marriage is much to celebrate.

“Divorce is a sin,” she sobs through the phone now. “You and Sara were practically married. Isn’t there some way to work this out?”

“I don’t think so.” There’s no way I can tell her the truth. The real reasons I called it all off. “We want different things.”

“What does that mean?” She sniffles. “I don’t understand. You love each other. You do .” She isn’t wrong there. “You just need to go back to church and get your heads on straight. Go talk to her.”

“I plan to.”

“You do?” She brightens at that, but I can’t let Mom get her hopes up.

“I owe her a proper goodbye,” I say softly. “The least I can do is give Sara the one thing she asked for.”

“Which is what?”

Sex , I think sadly, but there’s no way I’ll say that.

“Closure,” I say, and that’s true as well. “A full explanation.” Maybe not full , but the best I can do. “I need to tell Sara goodbye.”

As I swallow the lump in my throat, I hate myself more than I ever thought possible.

So I’m ready for Sara to hate me as well.