Page 10

SARA

I walk to the private dining room at Halcyon Bistro wearing the perfume Trent loves, four-inch fuck-me heels, and a casual air that’s completely fictitious.

On the inside, I’m shaking like a leaf.

But I straighten my shoulders as he watches me walk through the door.

He’s already waiting at the table and his eyes scan my body like he’s hungry for it.

Slowing my stride, I give him a chance to admire what he lost. My legs look good in this sheath dress the hue of warm honey, which I bought to bring out the color in my eyes.

Logan’s words ring in my ears as I make my way over to Trent.

“You’ve got this beautiful, warm ring of honey right around your pupils, and it flows into ribbons of amber and coffee. Really striking.”

Dammit. I shouldn’t be thinking of Logan.

But I guess it’s only fair that I’m thinking of him when I’m with Trent, since Trent filled my head while Logan filled me with his fingers and tongue and?—

“Hello, Sara.” Trent stands and smooths down the front of his shirt. His throat bobs as he swallows. “You look incredible. ”

“Thank you.” I do, don’t I? Like a sexy grownup instead of a na?ve little virgin.

Trent pulls my chair out and waits to sit down until I’m seated first. At least he’s a gentleman about some things.

“Tell him what you want.”

Camille’s words ring in my ears, which feels better than hearing Logan’s voice right now. Crossing my legs, I look into Trent’s golden eyes.

“Here’s what I want from you, Trent.” There’s hardly a tremble in my voice, so maybe I’m pulling this off. “I want to know how you could spend nearly a decade loving me, planning a life with me, and then cut and run without even a basic explanation just four weeks before our wedding.”

To his credit, the man doesn’t blink.

“Okay,” he says softly. “That’s fair. First, will you let me apologize?”

“Apologies are meaningless without a change in behavior.” I read that in a relationship book co-written by Camille’s shrink brother. “If you’re not planning to explain what happened and tell me how you’ll make sure you never hurt me that way again, I’m not interested in your apologies.”

Pride bubbles up in my chest. I’m normally not this straightforward with him. Even Trent looks taken aback.

“That’s fair.” He clears his throat. “Look, I’m sorry, Sara. That night you came over and started talking about secrets, it triggered something in me. Something we agreed a long time ago not to discuss.”

I stare at the man I always expected to marry. “So rather than discussing it, you ran away?”

He clenches his jaw like he does anytime we’re caught up in conflict. But this is no squabble over whose family we’re seeing for Easter. This is my life we’re talking about. Our life together.

The life I thought we both wanted.

He’s not saying anything, which probably means he’s searching for just the right words. He can search and listen at the same time, because I suddenly have more to say.

“You and I talked about getting married from the time we were kids, but you waited until last year to propose. I understood why, Trent. Your parents have a terrible marriage, and you wanted to be sure we shared the same vision for our future.” I pause in case he wants to dispute that, but he’s watching my face like he’s hearing me clearly for the first time.

Good. Because I’m not done. “I was willing to wait for you because I’ve loved you from the moment I first understood what love was.

My love for you felt big enough to bridge all the gaps in our dreams for a future.

We might not have agreed on where we would live or how our careers might unfold or which church we’d go to or—” I stop because it feels kinda crummy to focus on where we didn’t agree.

We’re human; of course we had differences.

“But at the end of the day,” I continue, “we believed in the same exact things. A future for the two of us. A future of reading bedtime stories to our children and raising them with love like my parents did. A future of candlelit dinners for two and sweet little Mom and Dad getaways once the kids got older.” Tears fill my eyes and I blink them back hard.

“A future where we’d grow old together, sitting side by side in that twin rocking chair my grandfather built with his own two hands.

” Drawing a breath, I wrap up my passionate plea.

“For as long as I’ve known you, you told me you wanted the same things.

And if you changed your mind, then you owed it to me to explain, rather than leaving me high and dry with no answers. ”

There. I’ve said my piece. I’m shaking and sick to my stomach, but I said what I was too fucking shellshocked to say the day he walked out.

Trent takes a deep breath and nods. “You’re right,” he says softly. “I’m sorry I handled things the way I did. I’ll get right to the point, but I need you to grant me one thing first. ”

“What’s that?” I whisper.

“Allow me to speak freely about what happened while we were apart. Those early months during BUD/S training and then during our other breaks?—”

“Speak freely,” I snap, waving a hand so he’ll get on with it. “Isn’t that better than not speaking at all?”

Trent’s jaw clenches. “I’m not sure you’ll say that in a few minutes.”

The bottom drops out of my stomach. Whatever he’s going to tell me, it’s bigger than I’ve been assuming.

“Just say it.” When he doesn’t respond, I give him the grace of my guess. “You slept with someone else.”

He nods and my throat pinches tight.

Closing his eyes, he speaks in a voice that sounds haunted.

“Not just one someone else, Sara. I had sex with—well, more people than I can count. Dozens. Way more than that. I just—” He opens his eyes and my heart stops.

“There are things I’ve done that make stories you’ve shared about Eve and Camille sound like Sunday School lessons. ”

I stare at the man who taught me to roller-skate. At the boy who sweetly delivered my first kiss. The brave Navy SEAL who gets sniffly each year watching It’s a Wonderful Life .

The man who built me a marshmallow house.

“I see.” My hands start to shake, so I squeeze them together between my knees. I always suspected he’d sown some wild oats in our time apart. I even encouraged him to do it.

But what he’s describing sounds way beyond that. “How many—” No. That’s not what I most want to know. “What did you?—”

“Sara.” His eyes cloud with pity as he looks at me. “I love you so much, so I’ll just say it clearly. I’m insanely attracted to you, and I respect the hell out of you, but I’m simply not wired for the happily-ever-after you need.”

“Okay.” I’m still trying to wrap my head around this. “Give me an example. ”

Trent blinks. “Of what?”

“Your kinks.”

I see the hesitation in his eyes. The desperation as he searches for something to tell me that won’t break my heart.

“Rough sex.” He says it so softly I almost don’t hear him. “ Really rough.”

What?

“You heard me,” he says, clenching his jaw as he speaks a bit louder. “Spanking and handcuffs and ropes and fucking hand necklaces.”

My jaw hinges open. I clamp it shut quickly, but not before Trent sees.

“That’s right, you’re shocked.” He glances away, probably wondering if the guards Ashton Holyfield posted outside are hearing this.

“It’s not just that.” There’s steel in his voice as his confessions keep coming. “When I walked in on that jarhead going down on you, do you want to know the first thing I thought?”

I can’t find my voice. I can’t find my place in this conversation. “What?”

“I thought, ‘I want to stand here and watch this. I want to stare like a fucking pervert as the sweet, perfect love of my life comes all over this stranger’s face.’ Not only that, but I wanted to watch him whip out his cock and shove it inside you.

Or maybe I’d make him watch.” He leans across the table, a gleam in his eye I’ve never seen before.

I don’t lean back.

I’m shocked and I’m reeling, but I don’t move away.

A growl rumbles out of him as Trent keeps going. “That’s right,” he says, his golden eyes flashing. “Maybe I’d like to have three or four men hold you down, touching those pure, flawless tits while I take you hard and rough on a table. Would you like that, Sara? Would you?”

I can’t find the words to respond, which is fine since he’s not quite done. “You don’t deserve to be used like that, but my God —I can’t even look at you without wanting to fuck you so hard you scream out my name.”

My mouth goes dry as Trent keeps talking.

“I swear to God I never cheated. I never fucked anyone when we weren’t on a break.

But Jesus, Sara, the things I’ve done. The things I’ve wanted to do to you .

” He drags his big hands through his hair, making it stand up in spikes.

“It’s so goddamn wrong because you’re the one pure, perfect thing in my life.

The best fucking thing that ever happened to me, and I can’t stop thinking about shoving my cock down your throat until you choke and beg me to stop.

And I would stop, I’m not a fucking animal and I’d never, ever hurt you.

Ever . But what kind of man even thinks that? ”

He’s searching my eyes, breathless and wild with a strange sort of rage I’ve never seen in this man. I thought I knew Trent inside and out. Sure, he had secrets. What Navy SEAL doesn’t?

But I never imagined his secrets extended to this.

“I—”

“We want different things.” Trent sits back in his chair, defeated and smug at the same time.

“I’ve fought this forever, but it’s just who I am and you deserve better.

You deserve that goddamn marshmallow house.

The kids and the candlelit dinners and that rocking chair for two.

You deserve to have everything you want, but I can’t be the man who gives it to you, Sara.

I tried and I failed, and I walked away because one of us had to, okay? ”