Page 41 of Taming a Menace

Eighteen

K eywan

I had never been to Heaven. With the way I lived, I was pretty sure if it did exist, I would never get to see it.

The closest I could hope to get was in the presence of one of the best creations known to man.

All night long, I nestled into Iyla’s warm body, pulling her closer to me if that was humanly possible.

Now I felt like a new man after sleeping on those soft ass titties for the past two nights.

I had been able to persuade her to spend the weekend with me for the second weekend in a row. Now she was going to church with me. I wanted her to get a feel for how us living together would be. I wanted more than that, but I was trying to be patient.

Patience wasn’t one of my virtues, and I was fine with that. Time was of the essence. I only had two weeks of court mandated therapy left, and I was set to meet my new therapist Monday morning. Church with the two most important women in my life was right on time.

“You think this dress is too tight?” Iyla asked me.

“It looks good to me, but you’re probably asking the wrong person. My dick swells up just from looking in your eyes. Everything you wear is sexy to me.”

“Whatever, silly,” she said, giggling and shaking her head.

Iyla thought every damn thing I said was funny. For some reason I loved that shit. I loved making her laugh and smile. I had never considered myself a comedian, but for my baby I would perform all night long.

Somehow I had convinced Iyla to come to church with me and my mom. Actually it didn’t take any convincing at all. All I had to do was ask.

“The bible says come as you are,” I reminded her.

“You’re right. It’s been so long since I’ve been to church though. I don’t want to go in there looking a trashy mess.”

“You look classy, baby. There’s nothing trashy about you.”

“Your mom might not think that.”

“You nervous about meeting her?” I wondered.

“A little. What is she going to think when she finds out that I’m supposed to be your therapist?”

“That her baby boy found a good catch.” I laughed, but Iyla didn’t find that amusing.

Standing from the edge of my bed, I walked over to the mirror where Iyla stood. I put my hands on her waist and rested my chin on her shoulder.

“Maybe I should just let you two go without me.” She pouted.

“My mom is going to love you, baby. Even if she doesn’t, you’re not for her. You’re for me. I’m old enough to make my own decisions.”

“I know that. I just want her to like me,” she whined.

“And she will. She’ll think you’re an angel for putting up with me.”

“She might be right about that one,” Iyla said, finally showing me a glimpse of a smile.

“Are you ready? You look perfect. I promise.”

“Thank you, babe. You look as handsome as ever,” she said, turning to face me.

“Hmph, thank you.”

I leaned down and kissed her lips before backing up to sit back on the edge of my bed.

I wasn’t as caught up on how I looked as Iyla was.

I was dressed in my typical wardrobe of black pants and a black button down.

I could literally leave the church and go straight to a catering gig.

I didn’t get into all that dressing up shit unless I was going somewhere special. That didn’t happen too often.

“I guess I’m ready when you are. I’ll probably drive my car so I can go home from there.”

“You are home,” I reminded her.

“I’m at your home. I was referring to my own.”

“What’s the difference?”

She shrugged. “I’m a visitor here.”

“I asked which one you preferred.”

“I recall.”

“You never answered though. I don’t have a preference. I just want to be with you.”

Iyla sighed before responding to what I’d said. “Keywan, should I take you serious?”

“Hell yes! What kind of question is that?”

“And you wouldn’t mind moving into a house that I already have? Some men have a problem with that.”

“As long as you’re there, I don’t care. I told you that. Just let me know what the mortgage is so I can start paying it.”

“I don’t need you to do that.” She shook her head.

“I know you don’t need me to, but I wasn’t asking for permission. I need to know what kind of bills I’m going to have,” I explained.

“We can talk about that later,” she said.

I reached over and grabbed her, pulling her into my lap. I kissed her shoulder that was partially exposed due to the tank top sleeves on the dress she wore. Iyla needed to understand how serious I was.

“There’s nothing to talk about aside from how much the mortgage is and when you want daddy to come home. I knew you were my wife the first time that sweet pussy gushed all over me. I knew my wife was a gusher.”

“Shut up!” She cackled, making me smile. “I do love spending time with you. I feel like things are moving so fast.”

“You can’t put limits on love. I’m crazy about you, Iyla, and I know you’re crazy about me.”

“How do you know that?” she asked, turning slightly to try to look at me.

“Because you’re here.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means everything. You don’t have to be here, but you are. You’re taking all kinds of risks just to be with me. I know how you feel about me. I feel the same way. Tell daddy you love him.”

She bit back a smile, but it was obvious that she was blushing.

“You’re all right,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“That’s not what I asked you.”

“You didn’t ask me anything,” she countered.

“Do you love me, Iyla? Because I damn sure love your ass. You can be honest with me. I can handle the truth. I just want to know.”

“Shut up, Mr. Glover. Yes, I love you, baby.”

A million tiny explosions went off in my chest. My lungs felt so tight that I could barely breathe. That didn’t stop me from kissing her. I held Iyla’s face and repositioned our bodies until I was laying her on her back.

“I’m never going to get tired of you, Moonie.

I’m never going to let you down. You’re everything to me.

Every single thing I’ve ever wanted or searched for, I feel like I found it as soon as I met you.

Hell, you have things I wasn’t even looking for.

Who ever knew that I would fall in love with hearing someone laugh?

Who loves to watch somebody eat or even think?

I love everything about you. You make me feel like I might just be as crazy as people say I am,” I confessed.

“You’re not crazy, Keywan. You’re passionate, and I love that about you.”

“I didn’t tell you, but I have an appointment with a new therapist,” I mentioned.

“When is it? Why didn’t you tell me?” she quizzed.

A low chuckle passed my lips before I responded. “Because I feel like I’m cheating on you. It’s tomorrow,” I said.

“It’s not cheating, Key. It’s investing in yourself. We both knew that I couldn’t effectively give you the treatment that you needed, not that I didn’t try.”

“Because you love daddy, and you didn’t want him to go back to jail.”

She smiled and rolled her eyes. Why did that shit make me weak every single time? It was crazy.

“Come on. I don’t want to be late for church. Your mom probably already thinks I’m a jezebel,” Iyla said before strutting out of the room.

“Call my phone, baby. I don’t know what I did with it after you called to say you were here.”

Once my baby made it home to me, I didn’t care about anything else. I remember answering to tell her I was coming to the door and that was it.

“Got it!” Iyla yelled from somewhere in the house.

I walked out of my bedroom and found her standing in the living room holding my phone. Her face was scrunched in confusion as she looked at my phone and then to me.

“Why do you have my number saved under Future?” she quizzed.

“Because you’re the first person who made me consider having one.”

“A future?”

I raised my shoulders. What I said was clear enough, but I could answer her.

“Yeah. Come on. I don’t want to hear your mouth if we’re late.”

“So you’re the psychiatrist?”

That was the first direct question my mom asked Iyla after church. You never knew how either of my girls were coming so I braced for impact. We were sitting at the table at my mom’s house eating the meal she prepared. I loved my own cooking, but it felt good to eat somebody else’s food sometimes.

“Yes, ma’am. I’m the therapist. It’s nice to finally meet you,” Iyla answered.

“You know everything that’s wrong with my baby, and you’re still with him?” my mom asked.

“It appears that way.”

“And you saw all of his files and paperwork? You’ve been talking to him about what’s going on in that big head of his?”

“Damn, Mama. What you trying to say?” I interrupted her interrogation.

“I’m trying to ask my daughter-in-law a few questions to make sure she knows what she’s getting into. If this saint of a woman knows you’re a stone-cold fool and tolerates you anyway, then I like her already. You’re not here under any kind of duress are you, baby?”

Iyla laughed. “No, ma’am.”

“I got to get you on the prayer list, honey. What’s your name again? Ida?”

“Iyla.”

My mom turned her attention to me. I knew I was in for it when she started wagging her finger before she even spoke.

“Keywan, let me tell you something right now. This is not one of those little floozies you used to sneak in and out of my house back in the day. This woman has a lot going on for herself. She’s beautiful, articulate, and she’s not afraid to answer questions straight.

She is way too good for you. You know it, and I know it.

On top of that, she got you to come to church without me having to beg or guilt trip you into coming.

She must be really putting something on you.

Don’t fuck this up. I want another daughter-in-law.

You have to meet Janelle, baby. That’s my oldest son’s wife. You’re going to love her.”

“I’m sure I will,” Iyla agreed.

“How do you feel about having children?” my mom asked.

“Ma, come on!” I grumbled.

“It’s OK, Keywan.” Iyla laughed before answering. “I want kids, but if I don’t have them I think I’ll be OK with that. Keywan wants kids too. If it’s the Lord’s will, we will have some once we get married,” Iyla responded.

That made my chest hurt. I couldn’t wait to marry Iyla and start a family with her. If it were up to me, we would have started on that project weeks ago. I was on her time for now though.

“You don’t know how happy that just made me. Keep my baby in line for me, darling. Lord knows I’ve tried.”

“He’s doing the work. It’s not about me keeping him in line. It’s about his own desire to change.”

“Whatever it takes,” my mom stated.

“I brought Iyla with me today for moral support, Ma,” I said, interjecting on their exchange.

“Why do you need moral support?” My mom frowned.

“You remember that girl Leela who used to babysit me?” I asked, knowing that she remembered our old neighbor. I just needed to buy a little time.

“Yeah. I saw her a few months ago actually. She asked about y’all. I forgot to tell you.”

“She used to mess with me, Ma. Like she made me do all kinds of things to her whether I wanted to or not.”

“Things like what?” my mom asked, putting her fork down to give me her undivided attention.

It was times like this that made me hate undivided attention. Split my attention with something else like eating or watching TV. Someone completely tuning in to what I had to say made me tense.

“Sexual things. You name it really. I don’t know what was going on in her head, but I knew what was going on in mine. She told me nobody would believe me if I told on her. She even told me that people would call me gay and say I was a punk for not liking girls. I was maybe ten when it started.”

“I’m going to kill that evil bitch!” my mom shouted, grabbing a steak knife from the table and jumping to her feet.

“Ma!” I called, springing from my chair.

I grabbed my mom and hugged her body to me.

“Even if I thought you knew where to find her right now, I didn’t tell you for that.

I told you because I’ve been carrying the pain from her making me do all that shit and being scared to tell anybody.

I’ve been fighting because I refused to ever let anybody take advantage of me again.

Somewhere along the way, I forgot the object of the game and just kept fighting anyway. ”

Warm tears seeped from my eyes, and I didn’t bother to wipe them away. Telling my mom about what happened to me all those years ago felt cleansing. My mom stood there crying with me as if she was the one who had been assaulted. I could feel her pain. She held me tighter than she ever had.

“I just remember you being so angry, Keywan. I used to ask you to just tell me what’s wrong, baby.

I kept asking why you were so mad. I prayed night after night for the wisdom to guide you in the right direction.

I just didn’t know what to do. I took you to all those doctors and appointments and they all said the same thing.

They made me feel like the worst mother in the world because I couldn’t fix my baby. ”

“For a long time I was mad at the world.

I was mad at everyone. I was mad at the boys for having to practice and leaving me home alone.

I was mad at you for not realizing that something was happening to me.

I was mad at myself for not being able to stand up to her.

I was humiliated for letting a girl hurt me in the first place.

“I thought I should have been stronger. I thought that if I didn’t like what we were doing then something had to be wrong with me.

I just want you to know that you did a great job of raising us.

You didn’t fail me. I didn’t allow you to take care of me in the way I needed you to because I never told you what was wrong.

You didn’t fail me. I was just in pain. I had no idea how to express it or even tell you that I was hurting. ”

“My poor baby. I’m so sorry,” my mom sobbed.

It seemed like we stood in the middle of my mom’s kitchen holding each other forever. I would stand there as long as I had to. It took years for me to come to terms with what happened. I knew my mom needed time to process everything just as I had.

It was freeing to get the weight of my secret off my chest. If Iyla had never suggested I tell her, I would have never told my mom about my abuse. I would never be able to articulate how grateful I was for her. I just hoped that I could show her over time.