Page 28 of Taming a Menace

Ten

K eywan

The warm comfort of Iyla’s lap damn near put me to sleep. I was six two, two hundred and something pounds. I hadn’t gotten an ass whupping since I was in middle school. Everybody knew I was nothing to play with. If they didn’t, they quickly learned.

No one fucked with me, even when I was in prison. My brothers were the only ones crazy enough to try it. I didn’t get scared. It just didn’t happen. Yet I had never felt as safe and secure as I did lying in Iyla’s lap. I was sleepy as hell, but I didn’t want to miss a second of her.

I fought the lull of sleep as she gently stroked the top of my head. The way her tiny hands rubbed my head made me realize why cats purred when somebody rubbed them. My big ass felt like purring. Instead, I talked.

“You think men can be sexually assaulted?” I asked her.

“Of course.”

The hint of disinterest and the way she barely reacted to my question made me comfortable enough to elaborate. Anytime I was around Iyla, it felt like I was in a judgment free zone. This time felt no different.

“I used to think we couldn’t. You know? Like we’re men.

We love sex. We love anything remotely related to sex.

Even after what I went through, I always said part of me must have liked it.

I mean there was always a small part of me that did.

If I liked it even a little bit that meant it couldn’t have been wrong. I’m a man.”

“Something happened in prison?” she questioned.

“Naw.”

I didn’t expound on her question as I turned it over in my head. I knew going into detail meant that there was no turning back. I had never shared what I was about to tell her with anyone else, not even my brothers, and I trusted them with my life.

Iyla was patient. She continued to rake her fingertips across my waves in slow steady passes as I thought about where to start.

Maybe I should save this shit for our next session.

Now, though, the air was thick with anticipation.

I wanted to get this shit off my chest once and for all, and maybe I wouldn’t have to ever speak on it again.

“I’ve always loved to cook. When I was little, I used to help my mom in the kitchen.

I think I told you that. After my dad died, things changed.

Not only was he gone, but my mom had to work a little more to pick up the slack.

My brothers were into activities like sports and shit, but I hated them.

I didn’t like team sports. I was fairly good at football, but it wasn’t my thing.

My mom wanted to use our after-school activities as a babysitter, but I wasn’t going for it. I wanted to be home.

“I missed my dad picking us up from school and doing shit with us.

I hated the change. Eventually my mom gave up on making me participate.

She let me stay home but got the girl from a couple of houses down to stay with me until she got off.

Leela was my babysitter from the time I was about nine until I was thirteen.

“I haven’t seen her in years, but I don’t think I will ever forget her.

My mom didn’t like the idea of me staying home alone, so when the guys were at practice, she was there.

She spent most of the day at our house during the summer.

Things between us started gradually. She would ask about my brothers and give me little messages for them.

Neither of them wanted her. She wasn’t an ugly girl.

I think she was just too thirsty for them.

Anyway, since she couldn’t get to either of them, she settled for the next best thing. ”

“You.”

“Hmph, my little inexperienced ass. I didn’t even like girls like that yet besides the ones on TV.

My brothers were going through the whole neighborhood messing with all the girls at that point, but I just liked my games and cartoons.

I was still learning to cook at that point, so Leela was supposed to make sure I had something to eat.

She started withholding food unless I would do things to her. Her requests started out small.

“She made me suck her titties a few times before she made me do more. Either I did it, or I didn’t eat.

Some days I went hungry. I didn’t mind doing what she wanted me to do as much as I hated being forced to do it.

I wanted to beat her ass, but she was big as hell.

Plus, my mom had already drilled in my head how I wasn’t supposed to hit girls. ” I scoffed.

“I can understand how that was a dilemma,” Iyla commented.

“Yeah. I’m sure you’re wondering why I didn’t just tell my mom what was happening.”

“I’m sure deep down you were too embarrassed.”

“More than anything.” I nodded. “Like why would I tell my mom that a girl liked me and was letting me do all these things that my brothers bragged about doing with girls? It was humiliating. I threatened to tell somebody early on. I didn’t care.

I just didn’t like it. She told me that she knew I was gay, and she couldn’t wait to tell everybody in the neighborhood that I didn’t like girls.

“Somehow that felt like a worse fate than exposing her perverted ass. At the same time, I figured no one would even believe that an older girl was forcing me to do all that shit. Like I said, it wasn’t that I hated it.

I just knew it was wrong. I didn’t like her like that.

Hmph. Sometimes I think about it, and I feel sorry for her.

What the hell was going on with a girl who was fourteen or fifteen years old that she wanted to have sex with me ? ”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if something was going on at home.”

“Well I started fighting and getting in trouble at school. At first I was trying to get after school detention. It worked a few times, but then I got in bigger trouble. I was getting suspended from school and sent to juvenile detention and shit. I just wanted to get away from her without having to tell somebody why I wanted to so bad. My mom loved Leela. She knew how to play the innocent girl next door role to a T. Every time I put my hands on somebody, I was thinking about what I wanted to do to her but couldn’t.

I think my mom chalked it up to me being angry and hurt about losing my dad since everything happened around the same time.

She didn’t even know I was sexually active until that heifer gave me an STD. By then, I was almost fourteen.”

“Damn.”

“I know, right?”

“What did your mom say?”

“At that point I was the bad guy. She felt like it was just me acting out and being reckless again. She never even pressed to find out who gave it to me I don’t think.

Leela went off to college, and my mom put me in some after school cooking classes and counseling once a week.

I never even talked to the guy. Hell, they all thought I was a sexual deviant with anger issues.

I didn’t have a problem letting them think whatever they wanted to think.

I never stopped fighting and getting into shit.

I said I was never going to let anybody push me around again, and I never have. ”

“So nobody knows you were abused?”

“You’re the first person I’ve ever told,” I said as I finally let my eyes drift closed. “I know part of you is still afraid of me, Moonie. I’m going to do everything in my power to make you feel as safe with me as I feel with you right now.”

“OK,” she mumbled.

“But understand that nobody is ever going to hurt or disrespect you on my watch. I need you to accept that.”

“Mm hm.”

I sat up straight from a dead sleep, looking around my living room like I had lost my mind. Her scent brought be back to reality before I knew what was going on. My baby was here. It wasn’t a dream.

“Iyla.”

My voice was like gravel. I had only meant to keep her for a little while, but a little while felt too good. Now I wanted her to stay forever. She couldn’t stay like this though. She didn’t have a change of clothes, and her car was still parked at that Japanese spot.

I’d been sleep for an hour. I wasn’t sure when Iyla dozed off, but she must have been comfortable because she didn’t wake my black ass up and make me take her back to her car.

“Wake up, love,” I said, shaking her gently.

“Hm?”

“Wake up, baby. I need to take you to your car. You can spend the night with me if you want, but I promised to take you back to your car.”

She stretched her arms over her head and looked around my living room wild-eyed. It seemed to take a minute for her to get her bearings but eventually she started to nod her head.

“Are you good to drive home? You can stay here until morning if you want to. You know I want you to.”

“I’m good. What time is it?” she asked.

“After one.”

“Damn. How long was I asleep?”

“I don’t know. I knocked out before you did.”

“Your ass was snoring too.” She grinned.

“My snoring must have put you to sleep because you were gone. I had to call your name like ten times to wake you up.”

“I’m exhausted.”

“That’s why I asked if you’re good to drive. You can shower and sleep in one of my T-shirts. I promise to keep my hands to myself. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“That’s sweet, but I’m fine.”

“You sure?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she assured me.

My heart sank, but I knew she needed to go home.

As much as I hated to see her go, I couldn’t deny the progress we had made in more ways than one.

I felt weird about the things I’d told her tonight, but something told me that anything I told her wouldn’t go any further even if we weren’t in her office.

“Hey, I appreciate you for chilling with me tonight,” I told her.

“I think I should be the one thanking you for rescuing me from my ex.”

“Let me know if you have any more problems out of him. I don’t think that’s the last you’ll hear of him. I know how a weak ass nigga moves.”

“I can handle Wyatt.”

“Another man is not something you need to worry about handling. Let me take care of him.”

She shook her head. “Key, I don’t need saving.”