Page 27

Quaking in My Boots

Charlie

It’s been three weeks since Olivia dropped a nuclear bomb on my life. Three weeks since she and Daniel broke up over her incredulous assumption that we’re in love with each other. I’ve been stewing over it nonstop, driving myself insane.

I have to talk to someone, so here I am, FaceTiming Roy at five in the morning because I’m an awesome brother like that.

His face quickly appears on the screen, albeit looking rough. He squints at me, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. “Charlie. Do you know what time it is?”

“Hey, big bro! How’s it going?” I’m all smiles and cheerfulness with my fingers and toes crossed, hoping he won’t hang up on me.

His eyes flit off camera. “It’s still dark outside.”

“I need advice,” I blurt out before he can say anything else.

He raises an eyebrow, then sighs heavily. Sitting up in his bed, he says, “This better be good.”

“Remember when I texted you about Olivia and Daniel fighting?”

“Vaguely.” He yawns, closing one eye. A way for him to half sleep, I guess.

“Well, they broke up.” Roy’s closed eye pops open. “Turns out Liv believes Daniel and I are in love with each other.”

He doesn’t respond right away. He stares at me through the screen, probably regretting answering the call.

“Wow,” he finally says. “That must have been awkward for you.”

“It was!” I say too loudly for five in the morning. “And now it’s even more awkward because Daniel doesn’t know that I know.”

“So, what exactly do you want from me?” Roy asks.

I pause, trying to figure that out myself. “I don’t know! Tell me what to do?”

He chuckles dryly. “Talk to Daniel.”

“That’s your expert advice? Talk to him?”

“You’re not going to sort any of this out by talking to me at the ass crack of dawn.”

He has a point there, but I’m not ready to admit defeat yet. “Can’t you tell me something deep and wise first?”

Roy smirks, now more awake than he was a minute ago. “You mean do your thinking for you?”

“Please?” I give him my best puppy dog eyes.

He scrubs his hand down his face. “You’re gonna have to figure this one out yourself, little brother.”

I sigh dramatically but feel slightly better now. Maybe talking about it—okay, whining about it—does help somehow.

“Thanks for nothing,” I say with mock bitterness.

“You’re welcome,” Roy replies evenly before hanging up on me.

I stare at the blank screen for a moment. Talk to Daniel. Yeah, that’s easier said than done.

Three hours later, I’m at it again. I can’t help myself. This time, when Roy answers, he has a towel wrapped around his waist, and water drips from his hair. I must have caught him fresh out of the shower.

“Charlie, what the hell?” He doesn’t even try to hide his annoyance this time.

“I still haven’t talked to Daniel,” I blurt out. “He woke up an hour after I called you. And…I’ve been hiding in my room ever since.”

Roy stares at me, his expression unreadable. “And you’re calling me again because…”

I fidget, picking at a loose thread on my comforter. “I don’t know, man. I just—how do you know if you’re into another guy?”

There’s a long pause as Roy freezes. For a second, I think the call dropped. I tap the phone to be sure, and it snaps him out of whatever trance he was in.

“Do you think that you are? Into another guy?” he asks.

I shrug miserably. Roy’s brow furrows even deeper as he studies me through the phone.

“Have you ever looked at Daniel as more than a friend? Like, have you checked him out before? Or thought about him romantically?” He closes his eyes and lightly shudders. “Or… sexually?”

My face burns hot, and I avert my gaze, suddenly finding the pattern on my bedspread utterly fascinating. Jeez, trust Roy to cut right to the heart of it with his blunt questions.

Do I lie? Pretend I’ve never entertained a single impure thought about my best friend?

No. I can’t do that. Not to Roy. He’s always been straight with me—as much as he’s willing to be. I owe him that same honesty.

I owe it to myself, too, for that matter.

Taking a deep breath, I meet his eyes again. “Maybe? On New Year’s Eve, we were wearing these ridiculous pink mankinis, got arrested, and…I may have checked his ass out a time or two.”

“I’m sorry. Did you say…mankinis?” Roy’s eyebrows, always so bushy and noticeable, have now disappeared into his hairline. “And… arrested? ”

My eyes pop out, realizing I neglected to fill him in on that little adventure. “Long story involving too much beer, Olivia, and a dare. The point is, yeah, I guess I have thought about Daniel in ways I probably shouldn’t have.”

Roy nods slowly, water dripping from his hair still, as he processes this information.

“Okay, first off, we’re definitely circling back to the mankini thing later.

But for now, here’s what you need to do.

Spend some time with Daniel, just the two of you.

Clothed, might I add? Pay attention to how you feel when you’re around him.

Do you get butterflies? Does your heart race?

Do you find your fingers itching to want to touch him? ”

I squirm uncomfortably at the thought of analyzing my emotions and physical reactions to Daniel’s presence. It all seems so…revealing. Like admitting to myself that there may be something there that wasn’t there before. Something more than friendship.

“Okay,” I say, my voice suddenly small. “I’ll do it. I’ll hang out with him and…and pay attention.”

Roy nods approvingly. “Good. That’s the only way you’re going to get any clarity on the situation.”

Hanging up with Roy, I lay my head on my pillow and stare up at the ceiling. Spending time with Daniel is usually the highlight of my day. But now? It feels like every interaction will be the perfect opportunity for me to make a complete fool of myself.

“This was an amazing idea, bro!” Daniel beams at me from behind a gigantic stick of cotton candy that he devours in seconds.

We’re at Coney Island, a suggestion I made this morning when I finally left my room and sat down next to him on the couch where he’d been channel surfing.

The place is bustling. It’s a beautiful day, and I have a war going on inside my head. Daniel has no idea that there’s an ulterior motive for why we’re here, and for that, I feel shitty.

Daniel chatters incessantly, which does nothing to quell my anxiety. He points out every single ride he wants us to go on as if he’s a kid at Disney World. His eyes are wide with wonder, and his grin stretches from ear to ear.

“I haven’t been to an amusement park in years! This is gonna be epic!” He bounces on the balls of his feet, making his thick ass shake. Something that I definitely do not notice.

But even as my stomach twists itself into knots, I find myself smiling at his enthusiasm.

“C’mon, let’s hit the Cyclone first!” Daniel grabs my hand and starts tugging me toward the iconic wooden roller coaster. His palm is warm and slightly sticky from the cotton candy. His fingers curl around mine, and my heart stutters at the contact.

Is this what Roy was talking about? A racing pulse? Fluttering in my belly?

It’s hard to tell if it’s simply the normal excitement of being at an amusement park with my best friend or more.

Lost in thought, I don’t notice that Daniel has stopped walking until I nearly collide with a pole. He turns to face me with a mischievous expression.

“Race ya to the entrance!” And then he’s off like he’s rounding the bases, long legs pumping as he weaves through the crowd.

“Cheater!” I yell as I take off in hot pursuit. People dodge out of the way, some shaking their heads in amusement at two grown men acting childish.

I’m closing in on him, the distance between us shrinking with each stride.

There’s a smile on my face as I let myself go.

Then, as I’m about to overtake him, Daniel veers sharply to the left.

I try to adjust my trajectory but end up stumbling, nearly falling face-first onto the gum-stained pavement.

I right myself and find Daniel looking smug as can be at the back of the line. “I win, McManus. What’s my prize?”

Still catching my breath, I flip him the bird. “Your prize is getting to ride next to me while I scream bloody murder the entire time.”

Daniel’s grin fades as he takes in the fear on my face. I’m staring up at the Cyclone, watching one of the cars whiz by on the track. My stomach drops at the sheer height and speed of it all.

I gulp, trying to tamp down the panic rising in my throat. The truth is, I’m terrified of roller coasters. Always have been. Something about voluntarily strapping myself into a tiny metal car and hurtling through the air at breakneck speeds just doesn’t appeal to me. Go figure.

But of course, I’ve never admitted this to anyone.

Not even to Roy when he made me watch Final Destination 3 for Halloween when we were younger.

And especially not to Daniel. I have a reputation to uphold, after all.

I’m Charlie McManus, star pitcher and all-around tough guy.

I can’t be seen quaking in my boots at the thought of a silly amusement park ride.

Daniel bumps my shoulder with his, startling me out of my fear spiral. “You good, dude? You’re getting green around the gills.” He wriggles his finger on the side of my neck, causing goosebumps to pop up all over my skin.

“I’m fine,” I lie. “Just…really excited, you know? Can’t wait to experience that sweet, sweet adrenaline rush.”

He eyes me skeptically, and I curse under my breath at the fact that he knows me so well.

The line inches forward, and my palms start sweating. Each click and clack of the ascending cars is a harbinger of doom. Nausea rises in my gut. Black spots dance before my eyes.

Sensing my growing unease, Daniel leans in close, his breath warm against my ear. “Hey, if you’re nervous, you can hold my hand.”

My head whips toward him, eyes wide. Is he fucking with me?