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“Three months or so.”
“We’ve gotta find you a new man.”
“No, I’m good. I don’t want anybody.”
“You still want him. That’s the problem,” she said.
I did still want him.
“What about you?” I used the same diversion tactics as I did with Jay, even though I didn’t want to talk about the shady guy she’d been dating.
“I think he’s starting to get impatient with me.” She looked down and started painting her own toes again, which were already perfect.
“You’ve been together only a few weeks,” I pointed out.
“I know, but it seems like it’s been longer ’cause we see each other every day and talk on the phone every night, and last night he said to me, ‘I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not like you’re a virgin.’” She mimicked his mopey boy voice.
I thought about Veronica’s relationship with Mike Ramsey that had spanned our entire ninth-grade year, and I felt defensive for her.
“He shouldn’t say that to you. It’s still a big deal, whether you’re a virgin or not. Don’t do anything with him out of guilt.”
“I’m not. I mean, he’s not trying to be mean or anything. He told me... he loves me.”
I’d tried telling her when they first got together that he gave me a bad feeling, but she seemed determined not to see it. And now he was telling her he loved her when he’d never shown an ounce of pink emotion in her presence. I tried to keep the upset feelings out of my voice.
“Those are just words, Roni. If he loves you he’ll show it by waiting.”
“Yeah, right—how long did you make Kaidan wait?”
I rubbed at a smudge of polish on the skin inside my toe.
“We never did it. We just kissed and stuff.”
“Seriously?” She blinked at me and I took the polish from her, twisting the cap back on so it wouldn’t spill on her ivory carpet. “So you’re still a virgin, then?”
“Yes. Contrary to popular belief.”
Her eyes lifted to her childhood collection of unicorn statues on a shelf.
“Sometimes I wish I still was. Not something you can take back, though.”
She pushed her thick hair behind her ear. Her bob had grown down to her shoulders and was now dyed black with one purple streak in front. She cleared her throat and straightened her legs.
“You’re, like, religious, right?” she asked.
“Yes.”
She began giving off strong gray vibes of mixed negative feelings. I pretended to focus on my own toes still, giving her a moment to collect her thoughts.
“Do you think badly of me?” she asked. “I mean, about all that stuff last year?”
I looked at her, confused. “What stuff?”
“You know.” She pulled at a strand of carpet. “The abortion.”
My heart stammered. I remembered vaguely how the rumor mill had been going at the beginning of our sophomore year about someone getting an abortion, but I never poked around for details.
“I don’t think badly of you, Roni.”
Her relief was immediate.
“My dad made me,” she said, swallowing. Veronica was a toughie, not a crier like me, but she was fighting tears.
“She would be five months old now.”
“She?” I whispered.
She shrugged. “It was always a girl when I dreamed. It’s not like I wanted a baby, but... I don’t know. My dad went ballistic. He went to Mike’s parents and they all ganged up to make us stop seeing each other. Of course, Mike had a new girlfriend like that—” She snapped her fingers. “But anyway. The worst part was the day we went to the clinic. There were these people outside.”
Her colors darkened again.
“Protesters?” I asked.
“Yeah. They had signs with pictures and I tried to ignore them, but this one lady spit on me when I walked past. I remember exactly what she said, too. She said, ‘You’re a murderer—you’ll burn in hell for this.’”
I pushed Veronica’s black-and-gray swirls of guilt, anger, and fear away from me because I was dealing with my own and it was too much. My chest tightened and my voice was thick.
“She shouldn’t have said that to you. It was wrong. People are supposed to love and help one another, not judge. She doesn’t know your heart.”
Veronica let me take her hand. Our arms dangled between us, connected at the fingers. She still stared at her toes, but the darkness around her slowly receded.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
HALLOWEEN
I could not believe I’d let the tag-team duo of Jay and Veronica guilt-trip me into going to this Halloween party. It was the first time I’d gone out since the night I’d met the other Neph. Four bands were headlining tonight. Lascivious was not playing, but I knew Kaidan would be there. He’d given Jay the invite. My body tensed just thinking about it.
Jay, Veronica, and I walked through a sea of cars into a giant clearing filled with hundreds of rowdy people. It was a field party with a makeshift stage for the bands. We settled ourselves on the outskirts of the crowd, near the border of the forest.
There was a crazed buzz in the air—everyone in costume. I watched a caveman throw Wonder Woman over his shoulder as she screamed in delight. A robot was helping an alien do a beer bong on one side of us, while some Pokémon characters did a keg stand on the other side. A huge crowd was jumping and moshing in front of the stage.