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“You might have relatives out there. Maybe I do, too!”
“No, we don’t. Don’t get excited. There are no descendants.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“The details aren’t important.”
“They’re important to me.”
“Please, Ann, not right now. I’ll tell you everything later, just not right now. I’m not in the mood for your tears. It’s been a nice day.”
I didn’t want to be protected through ignorance. I hated that he thought I would cry, and hated even more that he was probably right. Kaidan pointed out the window at a sign. We were entering California.
I took a deep breath. I would go to the prison tomorrow and meet another of Lucifer’s Dukes. My own father.
What was the worst that could happen? If I prepared myself, then maybe it wouldn’t hurt as badly. He could refuse to see me. He could see me, but be hateful and rude and tell me never to come back. No matter what, I would be okay. I didn’t need him, I told myself. I needed information from him, yes. But I had Patti to give me love.
“Can I use your phone?” I asked.
He handed it to me, and I took out the paper with the number to the convent. A woman answered after three rings.
“Convent of Our Mother Mary, this is Sister Emily speaking.”
“Hello, Sister Emily, my name is Anna Whitt—”
“Ah, yes. Sister Ruth has been waiting for you, and try as I may, she will not relay a message of any sort. She insists on seeing you.”
Hope bubbled up inside me.
“That’s why I’m calling. I’m in California now. I want to come see her right away.”
“Unfortunately Sister Ruth has been in a comatose state for over twenty-four hours now. This isn’t the first time. She’s pulled herself out of it before, so we can only hope she’ll do it again.”
“Do you think maybe I can just come and sit with her?”
“Dear, we have someone sitting with her around the clock. Why don’t you give me a number where I can contact you, and I’ll let you know the moment she comes to—that is, if it’s okay with you.”
“Yes, please,” I said. “Please call me the very second she wakes up; I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night.”
I closed my eyes after hanging up. Please don’t let her die yet.
“I’m curious about something,” Kaidan said.
“Yes?”
“Do you even feel the full temptations of sin, or are you just extremely self-controlled? Because even when I’ve seen you feeling dark emotions, it’s so brief.”
I thought about it. “Of course I feel temptation, but I’m really aware of it, so I can sort of squash most of the urges before they have time to register. Rules are meant to protect us, so I follow them. Something might feel good at the moment, but the consequences are scary.” I paused. “That sounds lame, doesn’t it?”
“Just... fascinating, is all. Have you never outright sinned, then?”
“I disobeyed Patti when she told me to stay away from you.”
“Right. I remember that one. So just once, then?”
“There was this other time....” I thought about the two girls in the bathroom and stopped myself, blanching.
“Yes? Go on,” he urged.
He watched the road, but excitement underscored his tone. I rubbed my dampening palms down my shorts.
“The night we met, I sort of... well, I flat-out told a lie. On purpose.”
I thought he was trying not to smile.
“To me?” he asked.
“No. About you.”
Now he unleashed that devastating smile of his, crinkling the corners of his eyes. My face was aflame.
“Continue. Please.”
“There were these girls in the bathroom talking about you, and for some reason, I don’t know why, it upset me, and I told them... thatyouhadanSTD.”
I covered my face in shame and he burst into laughter. I thought he might drive off the road.
Well, it was kind of funny in an ironic way, because he couldn’t keep a disease anyhow, even if he had gotten one. I found myself beginning to giggle, too, mostly out of relief that he wasn’t offended.
“I wondered if you were ever going to tell me!” he said through spurts of hilarity.
Duh! Of course he’d been listening! My giggles increased, and it felt so nice that we kept going until we were cracking up. It was the good kind of laughter: the soul-cleansing, ab-crunching, lose-control-of-yourself kind.
We started catching our breath again a few minutes later, only to break into another round of merriment.
“Do you forgive me, then?” I asked when we finally settled down and I wiped my eyes.
“Yes, yes. I’ve had worse said about me.”
We passed a billboard advertising gin. It made me think of Jay.
“Hey, remember when you said the Dukes have power to persuade people?” I asked. “Do we have those powers, too?”
“We call it the influence,” he said. “And no, it’s only the Dukes. Why?”
“There were a few times when it seemed like I mentally persuaded Jay not to drink, but I guess not.”
“No. Dukes have the ability to put an urge into a person by speaking a command out loud or even silently. But just like the whisperers, they can’t force it. The influence doesn’t work if the human is really strong and adamant against what the Duke tells them to do. It works best if the person is already inclined to go in that direction, but they’re sort of teetering on the edge of a decision.”