Page 23

Twenty-Two. You needed me

Elias

E verywhere I look, there’s another fielder. The only open spaces look dangerous and losing another wicket is not an option. I straighten and the umpire holds an arm out to let the bowler know I’m not ready. With my head on a swivel, I try to find an opening and see one. Nodding, I roll my shoulders back and make eye contact with Bash. He taps the outside of his bat and I twirl mine before knocking it against the rough ground of the pitch—he’s saying ‘take the six, swing and let it fly into the stands’.

The bowler makes his way over and everything else fades away except for how his arm curves over his head and the ball is heading to me. I step forward, focus never leaving the leather and cork. The vibration runs up the bat and through my arms as I take the shot, the sound reaching me seconds later. I’m already in run mode and Bash is doing the same, meeting halfway as the ball lands in the hand of a fielder that came out of nowhere. My heart drops and the stadium goes silent.

I fucked up.

The walk back to the Renegades box is in silence. I don’t notice which teammate is replacing me on the field. All I can focus on is my failure. On the fact I had a shot to play the best game of my life and I completely fucked up. I strip off my pads, gloves and helmet. I sink into a chair in the back, away from the cameras and everyone else. I slip on my headphones to block out the noise, but I can still hear the commentators discussing my mess.

“That could have been such a fantastic shot by Elias Joseph. He’s been on fire the last few games and tonight he seems to have forgotten how to play. For those of you watching at home, this is not an issue with your device’s volume control. Chepauk is silent as they try and process how their saviour could fail them so spectacularly. What do you think, Eric?”

“I agree, Hari. That was not a good showing from Joseph. Maybe he got too complacent and lazy during his recovery that when they’re in a tight spot, he can’t deliver. Maybe he’s all spark and no actual sizzle. What if we’ve been holding him to this higher standard when he’s actually very average? This might be the end of the Renegades and the fans need to accept their team is not good enough. That Elias Joseph is not worth the hype.”

I startle awake, chest heaving. My breath feels unsteady and every inhale burns my lungs. Sucking in large gulps of air, I wait for the uncomfortable feeling to pass. The commentators’ words—which are a total figment of my imagination—play on a loop, softer and more distant. Spewing ugly shit about me and my team. Tears prick the corners of my eyes and I close them briefly, trying to find my strength. The word failure repeats over and over, like a tattoo against my skull and I hate it.

“I’ve got you.” The voice is rough with sleep, raspy and sexy as a warm hand brushes over my bare chest.

My breath shudders and I look at the woman lying beside me. She’s rumpled from sleep, her dark hair a mess and her eyes half open. Everything else slowly comes into focus—her warm, naked body pressed to mine, the soft hum of the air conditioner, the dull light trying to break through the curtains. Nothing matters but Vera. I shift and turn onto my side, and she blinks as her gaze settles on me.

All I want is to forget the nightmare, to forget everything that happened last night. I want to drown in her, bury myself so deep all the bad shit erases itself from existence. Her stare is dark and I wonder if I look the same; hungry and desperate for her. My attention dips to her mouth; pink and soft and slightly parted. She’s my everything , I think and kiss her. My arm slides around her waist, pulling her flush against me. Her softness against my hot skin makes me moan. My hand drags up her back and into her hair, fisting the thick dark mass as I kiss her harder, fiercer and urgently. I can’t get enough of her. I want to crawl inside her and never leave. She mewls into the kiss and I swipe my tongue into her mouth, tugging at her hair. Her hands land on my chest and I take more, tasting her in every way I can. Her tongue tangles with mine and I growl, the sensation sending fire through my whole body.

Her hands pushing against my chest makes me pull away, a gentle suck and nibble on her bottom lip before I release her. She’s breathing heavily too, skin flushed as she stares at me. It’s clear she has questions, but something is holding her back. I can’t remember much after leaving Chepauk, other than telling Kuriakose to drop me off at Vera’s place. I have no idea what she saw or what I said when she got home. I move in to kiss her again and she leans away, shaking her head as her eyes meet mine.

“Are you okay?”

I grunt and attempt to get another kiss in, but she scoots out of reach. Burying my face in the soft cotton, I release a growl of frustration. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to think or focus on the shit. I want to forget everything and be with her.

Why won’t she let me be with her?

“I’m fine,” I say, looking past her to focus on the fluttering curtain.

“Wanna try that again while looking into my eyes?”

“Not really.”

“Baby,” she whispers and that’s what makes me look at her. She’s not pitying me, but worry is etched into her face. “Do you remember what you said to me last night?”

I remember nothing but the mess I made on the pitch, so words? They escape me. I hesitate, wondering if I confessed my undying love, but I don’t think Vera would play this game with me if that was the case. I shake my head and search her eyes. “What did I say?”

“You said you failed.”

“I did.”

“Elias.”

“I love how you say my name,” I tell her, the goosebumps and shivers up my spine plenty proof of that.

“Be serious for a minute.”

“Why? Yesterday was a shitshow. I fucking hate myself and I’m a failure.”

Vera frowns, worry completely erased from her expression. With a firm nod, she rolls out of bed, putting her deliciously soft and beautiful naked body on display. I’m so horny and hard I’m not even thinking about the fact she’s leaving me alone in bed. That she’s upset with me. She tugs on a large T-shirt, covering what I was admiring and I sit up. With a glance, shakes her head and starts for the door, but changes her mind and returns to glare at me.

Sweet baby Jesus, she’s so fucking hot when she’s angry .

“You’re a coward.”

That’s not what I expected. “Whoa.”

Arms crossed over her chest, she inhales and exhales deeply. “Last night, I got home to find you slumped in tears outside my front door. You came here after a loss and you’re not even going to talk to me about it?”

“Vera, I…”

“I know yesterday was hard and unexpected, but calling yourself a failure when this wasn’t your fault is not okay. And you can’t push all of this away with sex, Elias.” She’s breathing heavily now and my stomach turns at her expression. “You’re listening to and believing what the whole idiotic world is saying about you, when that’s not even close to the truth.”

“Peaches…”

“No.” She holds a hand up. “Only if you’re going to say something of substance do I want to hear that beautiful voice. Otherwise, you stay here while I get ready for my day.”

Before she can leave again, I lunge across the bed and grab her hand. I don’t even care I’m buck naked, I scoot over the soft mattress and sit at the edge, pulling her towards me. She steps between my spread legs and I release her hand, sighing softly as she brushes her fingers through my hair. I don’t know where to start, how to get the words out or in what way I can express this disappointment I feel.

“I am a failure,” I start and when she tugs on my hair, I lift my head to look at her. “I’ve played this team, this pitch, this fucking game a million times. Last night, I tripped. Not literally, but figuratively. I never expect much from myself in life. I’m a good batter, I work my ass off every single time, and that’s enough. Since I got back in uniform, there’s all this weight on my shoulders. Some of it is my own expectations, a lot of it comes from the team and the fans. I played so well the first games back. I played like the man I always was. Last night…”

“You tripped,” she finishes and I nod. “Doesn’t make you a failure.”

“I felt like a failure. We were doing so badly. I thought this was some kind of joke. My team knew I’d save them when I got out there. And I couldn’t. I made such a mess of it. I fucked up so bad.”

She doesn’t say anything for a while, her fingers moving through my hair again. I know I’m being hard on myself, but this is who I am. I give so much when I’m passionate about something, but maybe I give too much when it’s not my job to do so.

“Everyone fucks up. Everyone makes mistakes and doesn’t deliver. Being a failure means you don’t even try. And you tried. God, Elias. I watched you, you were playing so fucking hard. I saw the way your body was prepared for every shot, I saw how you swung and cursed yourself for every missed boundary and whenever you couldn’t take a run.” Her hands drop to my shoulders and she squeezes. “I love your broad shoulders, honey, but they’re not meant to carry an entire cricket team.”

“What are they meant for?”

“My thighs,” she whispers.

“That can be arranged.”

Vera smiles and climbs into my lap. Cradling my face in her hands, she says, “You are not the saviour of the Renegades, Elias. You’re one of their best batters, but they can’t expect you to drag them out of a shit game. If your team played badly, that’s on them. You’re only responsible for how you play. You played so well. Everyone saw you take those shots, they saw you twist and bend and break yourself to hit every ball. You are not a failure.”

Tears slide down my cheeks and her fingers are there, wiping them away as I process her words. If this was anyone else, I’d think she was saying it to make me change my mind. But this is exactly what she’s been telling me from the start. That I matter, I’m more than enough and I am worthy of all the good shit in the world. It’ll take me a long time to truly believe her words, but I feel the positive weight of them pressing against me.

“Forget what the commentators and critics say about you, ignore your teammates and coaches. Listen to yourself, superstar. You came off an injury and became the highest scorer in the shortest time. That counts for something. They put you in at a crucial point in the game and you delivered the best you could. That is important.”

She continues listing my achievements and I stare at her in wonder, because this woman knows me. When she said you matter weeks ago, I felt the effect of the words. But this is way more powerful.

“I was planning on showing up at your house,” she says.

“Really?”

“I had a feeling you’d need a little TLC.”

“I only need you,” I tell her honestly. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“You can only thank me if you truly understand what I’m saying. Because if you continue to believe you’re a fa—” I cut her off with a kiss, her bottom lip tucked between mine as I suck and tug before our heads tilt for a proper kiss. She sighs and her arms tighten around my neck as we allow ourselves to be distracted and completely consumed by each other.

I break the kiss, my forehead resting against hers as I repeat, “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“Of course.”

The words trigger something in my memory as she nuzzles into me and my heart does a funny skipping thing. I wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her shoulder as the fog in my brain clears up.

“Will you still love me if I keep failing?”

“Of course.”

Vera kissing my neck breaks me out of my thoughts. I did confess my love for her, but maybe she did too. I feel her warm breath against my skin as she sighs and I choose to ignore that to focus on the now. I squeeze her and she moans, only then do I remember I’m completely naked and my very hard dick is making himself known by pressing against her.

“Sorry,” I mutter, grip around her loosening, but she doesn’t let go. Her hips rock forward and my eyes roll back in my head at the feeling of her wet, hot heat rubbing against my cock. “ Peaches ,” I warn softly, but she keeps moving. A few inches and I’ll be inside her. As her hand travels down between our bodies, a phone rings loudly and startles both of us.

“Shit. What’s the time?”

She jumps off my lap, rushing out of the room and I suck in a sharp breath at how turned on I am. The phone continues to blare and I hear her voice as she answers it.

“Yeah, I’ll be on in fifteen minutes. Start the meeting, I need to finish getting ready. Thanks, James.”

When she returns, I’ve got my hand wrapped around the base of my dick and she bites her lip with a whimper. “I can’t.”

“That’s okay.”

“But I really want to.”

I laugh and pull my hand away, draping the sheet over my lap. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” she breathes out and gathers her hair into a messy bun on top of her head. “Need to hop on a work call really quick, then I’m yours.”

“What’s the time?”

“A little after eleven.”

“Why aren’t you at the office?”

She tilts her head as she pulls on a pair of shorts and rips off her T-shirt to put on a bra before tugging the cotton back over her head “I told them I’m working from home today.”

“Why?”

“Because you needed me.”

“Because I…” The words get stuck in my throat as she runs into the bathroom. She comes out and moves around the bedroom like the Tasmanian Devil and I smile to myself. I love you , I think to myself. I would give you the whole fucking world , I add. Standing, I pull her to a stop and hold the back of her head to kiss her. It doesn’t matter that I’m naked and she has to work. All I care about is Vera choosing to work from home for me .

“I don’t deserve you.”

“You deserve so much more,” she reminds me with a poke in the stomach. “Don’t ever forget that.”

Her phone starts ringing again and Vera growls unhappily as she walks out of the room. She rushes back with a soft smile and kisses me again. “Stay in bed a little longer, if you want. I already asked Kuriakose to bring whatever you might need. Just…stay.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Good boy.”

Smiling, I stand in the doorway and watch as she opens her laptop and sets up her work station at the dining table. She looks happy—eyes bright and cheeks flushed—and I wonder if she realises being with her makes me happy. All the thoughts of failure and disappointment take a backseat as I watch the woman I love settle in to rule the world.