Page 26 of Striking the Match (Redwood Bay Fire #3)

Teddy

When a large, cold drop of water hits my forehead and startles me awake, I’m completely disoriented for a good few seconds.

Then the events of yesterday come flooding back to me, and I can’t help but feel a little dizzy.

It’s a lot to process, from the conversation with Cassius about our relationship that rocked my world, to surviving the landslide that literally rocked our world, to his sprained ankle, and then finally to making love out in the open air under a blanket of stars.

It might sound crazy, but I think it was the best day of my life, near-death experience included. Certainly the most memorable.

As I snuggle up against Cassius’s sleeping form, watching the weak light of dawn get stronger through the rain clouds that have burst once again, I feel a shift in perspective.

It was a thought I had yesterday, but right now, I have the luxury of contemplating it in quiet solitude. I could have lost it all. What’s worse than that? Skirting so close to losing our lives in a freak accident makes me repeat the question: what am I afraid of?

‘The unknown’ is probably the most obvious answer. I spend so much of my time trying to plan for every eventuality, whether that’s at work to keep people safe or in everyday life to keep people happy. Therefore, the idea of having no control over a situation is understandably scary.

I know I compared Cassius’s fame to the role the firehouse plays in the community.

But when people are grateful to us or want to thank us for our help, they just know us as a unit, the team who came to their aid in one of the worst moments of their lives.

It’s rare they remember specific names or faces.

There are people out there who literally live and breathe Cassius Garda’s every waking moment.

His life is their fandom. I’m very aware I joked to myself about accidentally finding myself in someone else’s highly implausible fanfiction, but there are actually stories about him online.

I looked. And we’re not talking about a couple of random fics.

No. One site I checked numbered in the four digits.

The fire department being ‘known’ by people we’ve barely met isn’t the same thing as people devoting their time to imagining what it’s like to be Cassius Garda enough to generate millions of words about him living a secret life as a superhero, running a coffee shop, or falling in love with various former teammates.

People have tattoos of his face on their bodies.

There are questions about him on gameshows.

The sitcom I was watching the other night referenced him by name.

There’s being known by the small community of Redwood Bay…and then there’s being worshiped by fans across the globe.

They are not the same thing.

So it’s not exactly that I’m afraid. More like I have a sensible apprehension about what us trying to date would affect beyond the relationship itself.

Which, by the way, is kind of a big deal in and of itself.

Even if Cassius wasn’t famous, I think I’d still be pausing to think about what I want from my first serious adult relationship before jumping in feet first.

But the fact remains that this could never be a regular situation because Cassius is famous, very famous.

More than that, he’s one of the few NFL players to ever come out while still playing.

It doesn’t matter so much that his injury forced an early retirement not long after that.

He’s still fresh in people’s minds as a star player, and there are going to be a lot of folks out there like that jerk from the other day who will be really mad if Cassius ‘rubs it in their face’ by openly dating a guy.

That guy being me.

Would the public really care that much about some nobody Cassius is dating?

We don’t have to flaunt it, I guess, especially while we’re getting into the rhythm of being in each other’s lives.

But I realized I was gay when I was thirteen and, even though it was kind of scary, once I came out, I knew I never wanted to go back in the closet again.

I’m pretty certain Cassius feels the same way after making such a big deal out of his announcement.

So if we do this, we’re really doing it out in the open for all to see, or at least some of it.

If I step into the public eye…that feels like a genie that can’t be put back into its bottle.

The media and the public could start rummaging around in not just my personal life, but my family’s and my teammates’ lives.

I don’t think I have anything to hide, but what if I have skeletons lurking in my closet that I’m not even aware of?

Or what if the people I know and love have secrets I have no clue about that could be exposed just because I got swept up in a celebrity romance?

Would I be selfish if I throw caution to the wind and leap into a relationship like this?

“I can hear you thinking,” Cassius grumbles sleepily. But before I can cringe too hard, he kisses the top of my head and hugs me tighter to him. “Everything okay?”

I’m not sure how to answer that, so I hum and look out over the park for a moment.

The vista is still picturesque despite the damage from yesterday.

Although the sky is gray and stormy again, the light behind the clouds makes me think it’s later in the day than I first thought.

I’d check my phone—as telling the time is basically all it’s good for right now—but I don’t want to move away from Cassius.

Judging by his possessive grip, he wouldn’t be keen on the idea either.

It occurs to me that I might not be the only one feeling insecure right now.

“Sorry for waking you,” I tell him sincerely.

He shudders under the crinkly silver heat blanket as he fully rouses and yawns.

The rain isn’t that heavy, but it’s still falling hard enough that some droplets are making their way through the tree canopy, like the one that hit my face and dragged me back into consciousness earlier.

Every few seconds, one splats on the tin foil blanket, and the ground smells earthy around us.

The sights and sounds are quite cozy, really.

But dampness has seeped into my clothes just enough to make it uncomfortable.

However, Cassius looks content as he squirms against me. “S’okay,” he says in reply to my apology. He blinks his eyes into focus, then smiles down at me where my temple is resting on his shoulder. “I think I like being woken up by you.”

I bite my lip and try not to blush, but it’s difficult. Will I ever get used to his easy praise and affection?

Am I going to give him the chance for that to happen?

My continuous hesitation is clearly affecting him, though. It’s subtle, but I don’t miss the flash of hurt in his eyes.

“I understand if you’d rather keep last night as a one-time thing,” he says softly.

That certainly lights a rocket up my ass.

“What?” I squawk. “No! I mean…if that’s what you want, then I guess…”

He huffs and presses his lips to mine. It’s chaste compared to anything that happened yesterday, but seeing as neither of have a toothbrush at hand, that’s probably for the best. Besides, it still sends a delicious thrill down my spine.

“Sorry,” I mumble once he releases me from the kiss. “I don’t mean to be weird.”

“You’re not,” he assures me. “You’re being sensible.”

“Am I?” I ask, curious what he thinks I’m thinking.

He shifts on the uncomfortable ground, but his gaze never wavers from mine.

“I assume you’re considering the bigger picture.

I know we talked about what this might mean for you yesterday in terms of people invading your privacy.

And we spoke before about how the fame could create a pretty big power imbalance between us. ”

“And the money,” I point out as it is a serious, practical point.

He laughs, though, and I hope that’s because he knows by now that I’m so not interested in him for his riches. The way he regards me warmly and brushes his thumb against my cheek reassures me he does.

“But,” he continues, “I feel like I’m getting to know you now, and I’d guess you’re worrying if any scrutiny you might face will also affect others in your life. Loved ones you care deeply about.”

I stare at him for a moment. “Yeah…” I say slowly. “That’s exactly what I was thinking. How did you…?”

“I’m a mind reader,” he says with a flick of his eyebrows, but it only takes him a second to crack up.

“Naw, seriously. I’ve been doing this a long time.

There have been countless guys I’ve seen join the Seahawks or teams like them that came straight from college, and they were given zero fucking media training on how to handle being thrust into the spotlight. ”

His expression darkens, and I can’t deny it’s pretty hot seeing him getting protective and angry on his teammates’ behalf.

Obviously, it sucks those guys went through that, but it doesn’t surprise me.

Entertainment industries, be it sports, music, film or television, all love to chew up fresh young talent and spit them out without a second thought.

In that moment, I wonder how many guys Cassius helped along the way to protect their privacy and keep their sanity.

God, how is he so fucking perfect?

“So are you going to tell me everything’s going to be okay?” I ask.

He scoffs. “Sorry, baby, I’m not. But…anything worth having is worth fighting for, okay?”

I’ve heard that expression before, and it’s always rung true for me. I nod and sigh, not sure I feel much better. But Cassius cups his palm against the side of my face, and I melt.