Page 46 of Storm in a Teacup (Love in Edinburgh #3)

My mouth twitches, but it stills as I stress, “Linny doesn’t love me, so the hurt is still there.”

Rachel clicks her tongue. “Are you sure?”

“She doesn’t want to be in a relationship.”

“That doesn’t mean she’s not in love with you.”

“Well, shite.”

“Shite, indeed.”

“When I tell my therapist about this, he’s going to accuse me of cheating on him.” I stand up, backing away from my stool and my friends. “Fecking hell. Don’t make me do the grand confession thing again.”

Rachel exchanges another look with David.

I drop my head back. “I have to, don’t I?”

“Yes,” they both confirm, seeming satisfied that I finally managed to get there.

They’re right, though. I need to go talk to her. I need to talk to her immediately.

When I right my head, David is looking at me seriously. “She loves you, man. I have no doubt.”

“Seconded,” Rachel agrees.

“If you two are wrong, you owe me something big. I don’t know what yet, but I mean big .”

“Just go ,” Rachel says.

I laugh stupidly, slapping David’s bicep forcefully over the bar, squeezing, then hold my hands as close to Rachel’s face as I can get without touching her. “You little love goddess. Do I have permission to kiss you aggressively on the top of your head?”

“Go for it.”

I do so, practically slapping my mouth against her hair. I wave a big goodbye to both of them and then sprint up the stairs. I sprint all the way to the antique shop.

The door up to Linny’s flat is unlocked, her having not closed it correctly, the wind doing its job to open it.

I run up the stairs, and once I get to the top, I am breathing so heavily I have to lean against the wall while I catch my breath.

Okay, this is my sign to start focusing more heavily on cardio.

My phone vibrates in my pocket. It’s Linny.

“Hello?” I answer in a whisper.

“Benny?” she whispers back. “Sorry, I’m not sure why I called you. I just…I think there’s someone outside my door. I hear very heavy breathing. It’s too loud to be the ghost. I shouldn’t have ca lled you. I need to call the police.”

I chuckle. “Linny, wait. It’s me.” I say louder and knock on her door, “It’s me, Lin. Let me in.” The call ends.

A moment later, the door unlatches and she opens it up. She’s in her glasses, sweats, and a fitted tank.

“You look beautiful.”

I mean it genuinely, but she squints at me like I’m joking. “Why do you look like you’re dying?”

“I ran here. Can I come in?”

She steps to the side to let me enter the flat. Out of habit, I search around for Oscar Wilde and finally spot him curled up on the top of his cat tree, sound asleep.

“Here to see the cat?”

I twist back to her. “Always, but I wanted to see you more.”

“He’ll be disappointed to hear that.”

I step forward and grab her lightly by the shoulders. “Linny.”

She glances at my hand on her shoulder, then angles her chin up toward me. “Yes?”

“I love you.”

Her mouth opens, then closes. She shakes her head like she didn’t hear me. “What?”

“I love you,” I say again. Then expand. “I’m in love with you.” She shakes her head again, so I keep going. “I want to spend every day with you. Laughing with you, crying with you, holding you, living the rest of my life by your side and with you by mine. I love you, Linny.”

“Ben. I…” She sighs, looking away.

Not again, my heart pleads. Not again. This cannot happen to me again . I was so sure, this time. I was so sure.

No, not was. Am . I am so sure she loves me back, that I hold on. I don’t crumple yet. I let her take her time.

Her eyes move back to mine. “Ben, I love you too. I am in love with you too.” My heart explodes in my chest. She loves me too. I knew it. “But—”

“Don’t say but,” I beg.

“ But we talked about this. Neither of us…” she trails off, contemplating which point to bring up first because I know she has many. “What about David?” she lands on.

“What about David? Who cares about David?”

“You’re still in love with him.”

My shoulders droop. “I’m not,” I say. “I haven’t been for a while.

I’m not sure when my heart fell out of love with him and in love with you, but it’s been a long time now.

I’m so sorry it took me so long to figure it out, to admit.

I was too hurt by everything with him to see what I had before me.

What I had inside of me. You said our hearts aren’t ready, but mine is.

It got a head start on me and ran straight to you. ”

As if feeling it in her chest, she covers her heart with both hands. “I don’t know if mine is ready. You deserve a whole heart, but mine has been shredded to pieces more times than I can count. I don’t know if it can take that again. If I can take that again.”

“I won’t shred your heart.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. I’ll be so, so careful with it, Linny.

I’ll cradle it in my hands and give it all the love and care it deserves.

I’ll feed it, I’ll burp it, I’ll wrap it in warm blankets and…

” I shake my head with a heartbroken laugh.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m saying.

I just know that I love you. I want you.

I need you. Please, you love me too. You said it.

You do. Can we please, please just take care of each other?

It’s not going to be perfect, because life never is, people never are, but we can make our own version of perfect. ”

“Ben,” she argues.

“Come on, sugar. I’m spitting out poetry here. Give me something.”

“I can’t .” She says it so firmly I have to take a step back.

“I meant it when I said I did not want to be in another relationship. I can do life alone. I am capable of it. I don’t need someone.

I don’t need anyone. I’m my own person. I am capable,” she says again.

“I…I…” she trails off, tears now falling.

I thumb away a tear. “Just because you can, and sugar, I know you can, doesn’t mean you have to.”

She backs away from me gently, so I reluctantly drop my arm.

“I can’t do this, Ben. I’m sorry. I’m not ready.”

I give one stiff bob of my head. “Then I’ll wait.”

“Ben…”

“No, I will wait until you are ready because there is no one else for me, Linny Jenkins. No one else.”

She argues, “There are so many other people out there. People who can love you so much better than I can. People who aren’t going to be a burden on you in the future.”

“You will never be a burden on me. Never.” I regard her seriously. “Don’t you dare presume that. Don’t you dare think that I would ever feel that way. You will never be a burden on me.”

She throws up her hands. “Fine. Fine . But you could be dating someone else. Anyone else. What about Paul? I mean, he likes you, you like him.”

“What about Paul? Who cares about Paul?”

“Paul is great.”

“Then you date Paul.”

“Paul is gay,” she shoots back.

“Then neither of us will date Paul! Why are we talking about Paul? Stop bringing up other people.” I exhale, rubbing my forehead.

“I feel like we’re getting off-topic, so let’s go over this again.

I love you. You love me, but are not ready to date me.

Fine. I am willing to wait, so that’s what I’ll do. ”

“Ben…” she starts again, but I cut her off.

“Lin, every argument you have, I have a counterargument prepared. That’s it. We’re in love with each other. I am waiting for you. Done.”

With that, I pivot on my heel and am out of her flat in a flash, closing the door behind me.

I get to the bottom of the stairs and pause, anticipating the click of a lock that does not come.

I sit at the bottom of the stairs, waiting, just as I promised I would.

I will leave when she locks her door. She always deadbolts her door because the one at the bottom does not lock very well, so she will lock it.

While this isn’t exactly how I hoped this would turn out, I can’t get over the one fact that is making me giddy. Linny loves me . She loves me. So, I am perfectly happy to wait. I’ll wait for days, months, years until she is ready. And once she is, I’ll be here, arms wide and heart open.

I think I sit on the stairs for an hour before her door opens.

“Ben.”My name comes out like a breath on her lips.

I look up at her whilst keeping my seat on the bottom step. She’s still in her sweatpants, but has slipped on a pair of white trainers.

“Fancy seeing you here,” I say.

She huffs out a laugh. “I thought you went home. Uh, do you…do you want to get dinner?”

I stand up, parking myself at the bottom of the stairs. My eyes narrow. “It’s nearly midnight, but I’m sure there’s a kabob place open somewhere.”

“No, I mean, sometime. Do you want to get dinner with me sometime? Or go to a movie?”

“A film? I like films. What film?”

“Ben, I’m trying to—” She cuts herself off with a groan.

“This was cuter in my head. I’m asking you out.

I am asking you on a date because I would like to date you.

Oscar and I had a long talk, and we decided I’m being stubborn, so I’m trying to rectify that.

I don’t want you to wait for me because I think the two of us have done enough waiting. I’m ready now.”

I smile uncontrollably and walk back up the stairs. “Sugar, we’re already dating. We’ve been dating for a while.”

She groans again. “I know. God, we’re thick.”

“We really are.” I reach the top of the stairs, gently grabbing her face with both my hands. “Are you sure about this?”

She clutches my wrists as she nods in confirmation. “Are you? You’re choosing a hard route.”

“No, I’m not,” I say firmly. “Linny, falling in love with you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Staying in love with you will be even easier.”

“It’ll be easy for me, too.”

With that, I gently pull her mouth to mine, wanting to slam into her lips, but refraining because of her glasses. She soon removes them, pinching the earpiece with her fingers as her arms loop around my neck.

“I’m sorry,” she says through kisses. “I’m sorry I was being stubborn.”

“No, sugar,” I say. “Don’t apologize. You were being careful. I can’t fault you for that.” I kiss her again. “You came around quicker than I thought you would.”

“I can’t believe you sat there for an hour.”

“I told you I would wait.”