Page 21 of Storm in a Teacup (Love in Edinburgh #3)

Ben

Linny squeezes my knee. “Happy Birthday, Benny.” She’s only done it twice or so, but I like it when she calls me Benny.

I don’t say thank you, but rather dip my finger in the cake frosting and plop it in my mouth. “Fair go of it,” I remark, the consistency and the sugar-to-butter ratio actually perfect. I go back and scoop up more, holding my finger out to Linny. “Try.”

She lifts an eyebrow at my finger, and only then do I realize what I’m doing.

Oh. This is not normal behavior for people who aren’t really dating.

This isn’t normal behavior for people who are dating when they are surrounded by their friends and family.

Too late to back down now. My heart is pounding in my ears. I feel everyone’s eyes on us.

What seems like a century later, she opens her mouth and accepts my finger, carefully licking the frosting off. My cock pulses at the sensation of her wet tongue. When I pull my finger from her mouth with a small pop, she releases a tiny moan.

Fucking hell. I’m half-hard already, tadger pushing against the zipper of my jeans. Do not put that finger in your mouth, Benny.

Too late. I quickly lick off the last bit of frosting.

Linny’s face goes pink as she covers her mouth with her hand, licking the rogue frosting from her lips, saying, “Very good, Rachel.”

Rachel goes for a knife to cut the cake. “Ben’s recipe. I followed it to a T.”

After cake, David and Callum leave first. I walk them to the door where I give Callum a hug goodbye, thanking him for coming. I should hug David as well, but all I offer is an awkward pat on the arm before swiftly turning away, eyes finding Linny as soon as they can.

She seems to understand my silent plea as she stands and says, “I’ve got to get going too. Thank you for having me.”

“Aye,” Isla says, hand tangled in Rachel’s. “Ben wouldn’t have come himself without you.”

“We like having you around, Linny,” Rachel adds.

I grab her coat and help her slip it on. “We do like having you around,” I agree, fixing her collar. “I’ll walk you home.” I pull my own coat on.

They each call out a final “Happy Birthday!” as the door closes behind us and we descend the blue carpeted stairs.

We walk side by side, hands shoved in our respective pockets. When we get a fair distance away, Linny says, “Just a thought…maybe don’t stick your finger in my mouth in public anymore.”

“Can I still do it in private?” I can’t help but ask.

She clicks her tongue. “There is no private.”

I chuckle. “Sorry—honestly wasn’t thinking. Did you not like it? ”

“That’s not what I’m saying, I just…” She groans slightly.

I let her off with, “I promise I will keep my fingers out of you.” Until you tell me otherwise , I add in my head, even though the likelihood of that scenario is slim.

She huffs through her nose, moving on. “Tonight was fun, though,” she says. “Did you have a good time?”

“I did,” I answer truthfully. “Thanks for encouraging me to do this.”

“I can’t believe you were going to skip out on your thirtieth birthday.”

“I had solo plans, I told you.”

“Fucking off to Ireland to drink with a dead man does not constitute as plans.”

“What an American response,” I admonish. “Anyway, sounds like I would have been fucking off to France.”

She nudges me on the arm. “Your friends love you.”

“Aye.” Annoying of them.

“Despite you doing everything in your power to change that.”

I sigh, head hanging as my pace morphs to trudging. “Yeah.”

“I’m jealous,” she admits.

My head rockets up in surprise. “Are you? You have Mel and Kensie and them.”

“No, I have Mel,” she corrects. “Kensie is her friend. I mean, we get along, don’t get me wrong, but we would never spend time together one-on-one.”

I purse my lips in a fine line.

Quietly, she confides, “I had friends. I did, but after things with Atti ended…I was depressed. Like clinically. I’m taking meds now.

I mean, I think I had depression for a while before that, but everything with Atti kind of put me over the edge.

Before I got myself to the doctor for help, I shut everyone out.

I did what yo u are trying to do, Ben, but the difference is, my friends gave up on me. ”

My heart pinches in my chest. Before I can say something, she keeps speaking.

“I’m not saying it’s completely their fault.

It’s hard not to give up on someone who’s given up on themselves, but I wish they hadn’t given up on me so quickly.

My retreat into myself played a huge part in the fizzling of these relationships, but it also felt like…

like they were glad to be rid of me. Glad to finally have an excuse.

” She blinks rapidly, trying to suppress a sudden onslaught of tears.

“Your friends are refusing to give up on you, and I am immensely jealous because from what I’ve seen, you’ve given them every reason to. ”

“I…” I drag a hand down my face, chest aching. “You’re right. Shite. I’m sorry, Linny.”

She shakes her head. “ I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make this about me.”

“You’re not. You’re knocking some sense into me, is what you’re doing. You’re good at that, you know. My friends are the best,” I agree. “They’re my family and I’m glad they haven’t given up on me.” As we pause for a street crossing, I toe the pavement. “I would never give up on you, Linny.”

“You can’t say that for sure.”

“I can,” I say with a finality. She looks away, so I change the subject. “David seemed upset when you came back from getting drinks earlier.”

She discloses, “He was. We were talking about you.”

“All bad things, I hope.”

The light changes, so we cross.

“Not exactly. He said you kissed. Last June.”

“Oh.” Nearly forgot about that.

“It slipped out. He thought I knew.”

I sniff sharply. “I kissed him. He stopped it and called it a drunken mistake. I pretended to agree, then convinced myself that if I cooled it for a bit, I could try again. Less intoxicated.”

“Did you?”

“Naw, but that didn’t stop my brain from concocting all these scenarios where I would.

I thought I’d kiss him again, and everything would be right.

” I clench and unclench my fists. “But I also knew deep down that wasn’t true.

It’s why it took me so long to tell him.

I knew he didn’t feel the same way, but I had a fantasy that he did. ”

“I’m sorry, Ben.”

“Me too.” Quietly, I confess, “You know, I moved here for him.”

“I thought you moved here for the café?”

“I did, but I also convinced myself that if I lived here, he would see me differently. That it was only distance keeping us apart. Not the fact that he wasn’t interested in me.

Not the fact that he was already with Callum.

” I chuckle to myself. “God, Callum. Callum is so nice. He’s a total laugh, in the best and most surprising way.

Quiet, but David likes quiet. Or, he likes quiet people who can be loud for him.

And I know he knows, but he’s not making me feel weird or bad—even though he should hate me. ”

“I like loud and gentle, personally. Like you.”

I smile. “I like a little grumpy and devastatingly beautiful, like you.”

She bumps her shoulder into me. “Oh, he’s a sweet talker in his thirties.”

“Well, I suppose I’m one of those grown-ups now.”

We reach her door to find it propped open slightly. “I hate this damn thing,” she says, kicking it open the rest of the way .

I let out a small sigh. I don’t know what about her makes me want to be unabashedly truthful. She’s a good listener, yeah, but I also have this desperate need for her to know me.

“Last August, I was in town and I went out with David and Callum. It was the first time I really saw them together. I mean, I had seen them together before, but it was less…I don’t know.

Less serious. They’d been flitting around each other for years, never quite making it official.

This time, I realized how much David liked him.

I was deeply jealous and so goddamn frustrated with myself.

For waiting so long to tell David. For not talking to him about the kiss.

For living far away. For not figuring out my sexuality as soon as I would have liked.

I thought I needed more time. I thought I needed less time.

I was so obsessed with time. But in the end, it didn’t matter.

Timing didn’t matter. Time didn’t matter. He was never meant to love me back.”

Her mouth opens and closes like she doesn’t know what to say. Understandable—I keep dumping things on her. She ends up grabbing my hand and squeezing it tightly.

“You will get through this,” she says.

“I know.”

Her hand drops. “Oh, shit. I almost forgot.” She digs around her bag until she pulls out a smaller bag, sheer and pulled closed with a ribbon. “Here.” She places the sachet in my outstretched palm.

“Crystals?” I observe.

“Yeah—sorry. This was last minute, so it was crystals or a doorknob Queen Victoria may have touched. I know you’re not into them, but I wanted to get you something.”

“I could be into them. What do they mean?”

She opens the bag and dumps them into my hand.

She points to a small, smooth pink crystal first. “Rose quartz—that one is for your heart, emotionally speaking.” Then one that is tinted yellow.

“Citrine—attracts positivity.” Next, a black stone.

“Black obsidian, for protection and grounding.” Lastly, the purple crystal.

“And amethyst. Like my ring. Good for stress.”

“Cool,” I say genuinely. “Thanks, Lin.” I scrunch my palm to move the crystals together before tipping them back into the bag.

“I won’t be offended if you set them on a shelf and never look at them again.”

I narrow my eyes. “You gave them to me—why would I do that?”

“Because it’s silly.”

“I don’t think so.”

Her eyes glow as she looks up at me. “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you. It was a good one.”

…

Several days later, as I’m unlocking the café, I’m startled by the door to Linny’s flat opening. I haven’t seen her since my birthday.