Page 39 of Stockholm (Angel of Mercy #1)

The Keeper

T he smell of smoke drifting in the window wakes me from a blurred dream of Emma. I lift my head, looking around the dimly lit living room and see Jesse on the porch, a cigarette dangling from his lips. Coffee’s ready in the kitchen, his first stop every morning due to his insomnia.

I shift slowly behind where Emma sleeps next to me, gently stepping over Bo, who's curled up right next to the couch. Her expression is peaceful, eyelashes spun on her cheeks, her hair mussed across the pillow. She looks so peaceful, untroubled. Not like she’s been forced into a darker and scarier version of her life.

Bo shifts and I step quietly away, grabbing a coffee and a cigarette from Jesse’s pack on the counter.

Out on the porch, Jesse sits in his sweatshirt, the cool morning air foggy in the trees.

Despite what we do here, this place is actually beautiful.

Being stuck close to the house has been necessary the last few weeks, but I’ll need to get her out here more so she doesn’t miss the view.

October is rolling in, and the forest is at its most vibrant.

“You’re up early,” I say, setting down my coffee cup next to Jesse and taking a seat next to him on the step.

He passes me a lighter and exhales a stream of smoke. His hair’s a wild mess and I’m sure I don’t look any better.

“I can’t sleep well right now. Shit’s kind of heavy with yesterday,” he says, rubbing the heel of his boot into the gravel at the foot of the porch .

Lighting the cigarette, I lean back on one palm, and take in the sounds of the birds heavy in the trees as the sun considers breaking on the horizon.

“Just with Bo? I’m assuming that’s not the first time you’ve heard his story.”

He shakes his head. “He told me pretty quickly. We had that in common, him being used by that piece of shit and me losing Lily to him.” He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, his hands tightening before he tries to relax.

“I just wasn’t able to save Lily. I didn’t even know what was happening.

And the fact that Bo dealt with the same thing?

It makes me want to really draw out his death, make him suffer like he did to both of them.

Just so I can say I was able to do something . Even if it was too late.”

I grip his shoulder and look away. We all feel the same, everyone in the family. We all know he stole something precious and got away with it.

“We’re going to get him. Soon. And if you want the honors, you can have his kill and make it last as long as you want.”

He peers sideways, checking my solemn expression and nods. “I want that. Maybe I’ll be able to sleep at night if I watch him suffer first. I’d gut him if it made Bo feel safer.”

“So obviously…this hasn’t changed anything between you two?”

He snorts. “I know it sounds crazy, and you’ve heard a lot of insane shit from me in the past, I get that. But I fucking love him. There’s not a doubt in my mind that I was supposed to run into him at the bank that day.”

“You didn’t really run into him though, did you? He was just sort of innocently going about his day while you stared at him from the truck like a creep.”

“Okay, but if we hadn’t been there on illegal business I’d have been able to shoot my shot, so really it's your fault I had to kidnap him.”

I laugh and then remember the window’s cracked.

“Have you talked to him about what’s going to happen next ?

He shrugs. “Not a lot. But you heard him. I don’t think he wants to go back and I understand. He’s safer with me. He’s happier here.” He glances at me. “As long as Emma stays, at least.”

The question sits heavy between us. “She’s a question mark. By the time this is over, there won’t be an Eric for her to return to. So it’s either…send her home by herself, to his family. Or…” I shrug.

“Is it still just about pissing off Eric?”

I watch a leaf tumble past. “No,” I say quietly. “But I’d be a fucking idiot if I let that affect what we end up doing with her, considering.”

“Considering what? She’s beautiful, she likes you. She fits in here.”

“I know but we’ve got work to do when this is over, and it’s a dirty fucking business.

” I resist the urge to snap at him, frustration sitting heavy inside me.

Stuck. I feel stuck. “Am I going to take her away from her bird feeders and shit and move her into the prisoner’s rooms?

Come home to her after a long day of murdering rapists?

She’s too…good. Too good for this shit.”

I don’t say it, but we both know what I’m thinking. She’s too good for me.

“But she’s not too good to be spread open for all of us, huh?”

I tense, biting my lip at the memory of last night, when she’d let herself let go just enough to sink me even further into my fixation. “I’m not looking for a wife, Jesse. I’m looking for someone who I can use to drive Eric crazy, and that’s exactly what I’ve got right now.”

He rolls his eyes, calling out my lie. What I have planned today betrays the words I’ve just said. But as much as I know getting attached to Emma is a bad idea, it’s happening against my will. It’s starting to feel like a runaway train, something I have no restraint over.

I fucking hate the feeling of losing control, but if I look too closely at myself I see the sharp truth that I couldn’t leave her alone if I tried.

That look on her face when she sees me, when I give her direction, it’s the strongest drug.

But even more than that, it’s the way I feel lighter when I get near her.

Like the goodness in her has the ability to seep into me and chip away at the dark that lives there.

She didn’t cause it, but I’m having a hell of a time not wanting to let her take that shadow away.

I stand up. “I’ve got some errands to run today, I’ll be back tonight.” I grab my keys and push the thoughts of her from my mind.