Page 36 of Stockholm (Angel of Mercy #1)

The Kept

“ C an I ask you a serious question?” I ask Bo who’s laid back on the couch, dropping a Starburst into his mouth.

“You know you can,” he says, propping himself up on one elbow.

I’m sitting on the opposite end of the couch with my arms wrapped around my legs.

It’s almost bedtime, so I’ve changed into my sleeping shorts and tank top, and Bo’s in his sweatpants.

We’re relaxing in the living room while Noah makes popcorn, one of the easy routines we’ve all fallen into.

Jesse sits on a stool at the island in the kitchen, drinking coffee and watching Bo, per usual.

I drop my voice so that they can’t hear me. “I can’t stop thinking about home today. Our families are probably out of their mind with worry,” I say, my voice betraying my guilt.

“I’m not sure how much they’re going to worry about us, Emma,” Bo says, side-eyeing me to make sure I’m not being offended.

“Your parents are probably more concerned with your honor being ruined than anything else—it’s true, don’t look at me like that.

You know they just wanted to give you to some rich dude.

” He shakes his head, never having been shy about his distaste for my parents. “Look how that’s going for you.”

I chew on my bottom lip absentmindedly. “Maybe, I don’t know.

Eric’s obviously disgusting, so it’s not him I feel bad for.

But we’re here having snacks and enjoying this beautiful cabin while a search party probably thinks we’re being abused or killed or something.

” I shrug. “Have you thought about what we’re going to say when they find us? When they come to take us back home? ”

I can feel Jesse’s eyes burning into the back of my head and I wonder if he can hear me despite how quiet I’m trying to be. Bo runs a hand through his messy curls, leaning back on the throw pillow, his arm tossed behind him. “I’ve thought about it, yeah. It’s just not the same for me, Em.”

My brow furrows. “What do you mean?”

He sighs and glances up at me with wounded eyes, like a dog that’s been kicked. “Listen, I don’t know how to get into it with you. I don’t want to ruin your view on things at home, or make this place heavier for you than it already is.”

“Hey,” I say, my hand sliding to his ankle, massaging it lightly.

I let my head fall back to the couch, trying to figure out how best to comfort him.

“You’re my best friend right? We’ve always told each other everything.

I don’t ever want you to put my feelings above telling me if something is wrong, Bo. ”

“I know,” he says, eyes falling shut. “It’s just, this is not a simple thing.

I kept it to myself for so long, I just never thought I’d need to talk about it again.

But, I guess with everything happening here there’s no choice.

” He blinks open his eyes, and his face is pained.

It’s such a foreign expression on him that I have to resist the urge to gather him into me to hold him.

“I guess you need to know, in case you do end up going back there.”

I swallow as I realize that we’re taking a darker turn in this conversation than I’d expected. “You can trust me, Bo.”

He nods. “I know. You’re the only person I’ve had all this time.

Emma, you’re a truly good person that’s been surrounded by people who are disgusting, and it’s one of the reasons I’ve stayed.

I just couldn’t leave you behind.” He sighs.

“You already know I’m estranged from my family.

It’s not just because I came out as bi, like I told you. ”

My stomach sinks. “What happened, Bo?” He groans slightly, throwing his arm over his eyes and my heart clenches at how uncomfortable he is. “You don’t have to tell me if it’s going to upset you, I’m sorry—”

“No, I just—I just need to get this out. It’s been long enough.

When I was a kid, like eight years old, I had a…

thing happen. With Er ic. He was older than me, I think like fifteen or maybe sixteen.

Actually it was sixteen, because he’d just had his birthday,” Bo says, and I watch him slip into the memory.

“He was my favorite cousin, but he was older so he didn’t pay me much attention at the time.

” He laughs softly. “Until he did, and I was so pleased to have the cool, older cousin want to hang out, to take me out to eat and all that. He even bought me the skateboard I wanted,” Bo says, a sad smile on his face that breaks my heart.

“But it was a trick. And his intentions weren’t good, because he’s not good, Em,” he says, looking back up at me, his hidden pain on display. It’s enough to make my eyes burn, to see my friend hurting like he does. Because I know what he’s saying. I know what he’s trying to tell me.

“I didn’t say anything for a long time, because I knew what had happened wasn’t right.

It felt like I’d been used somehow, and just left behind.

Like trash, that’s what it felt like. Litter thrown out the window of a car, because I was so unimportant and useless that all I deserved was being tossed aside.

” He laughs again hollowly, and I can feel Jesse’s eyes strangling me from behind.

“I shoved it away for a long time, but it was like poison that never disappeared, and I decided to tell my Mom when I got into high school. I didn’t want to get him in trouble, or even have anything happen.

I just wanted to tell her, so she could understand why I hadn’t been good , why sometimes I did things that made her and my dad upset.

I was just lost.” His voice breaks, his hand covers his face and swipes down, taking the tear that had fallen with it.

“Bu, you know how my family is, Em. It’s all reputation and money, and Eric is the golden boy. ”

I nod, because it’s true. The stilted, cold visits from Eric’s parents were always my least favorite times of the year, and the rest of his extended family always had the same vibe. “So what did you do?”

He shrugs. “That’s it. I told them, and they said I was making things up because I was jealous of how well he was doing. Because he was taking up the family businesses and I wasn’t.” He shakes his head. “Once they found out I’d been seeing a guy at school, they kicked me out.”

One of my hands fists against my mouth, holding in the million questions that bubble up inside me. I don’t want to interrupt what’s happening, how Bo is finally releasing some of the pain from his past. My grip on his ankle seems ridiculous, but I just need him to know I’m here, somehow.

Another giant wrecking ball smashes through the image I’d had of my life.

Of Eric. Our home, and future together. I’m sick to my stomach at the idea of having given myself to him all these years.

Not just physically, but with my whole heart, all of my time and energy to make his life one full of love and adoration.

“I had nowhere to go, but then Eric came through with the lifeline. He got me an apartment, a job at the bank. He bought me a car when I finally got my license. He did everything I needed, and asked that I just not tell another soul what happened.” He looks up at me.

“He’d already started taking over the family businesses, so it was very important to him for obvious reasons. ”

My throat is tight, but I try to speak around it. “I wish I’d known, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that you’ve been stuck under his control this whole time.”

He sniffs, his chin shaking for a moment before he shakes his head sharply and looks up at me.

“It’s not your fault. As soon as I met you I realized it’s the same for you, too.

We’re both kind of caged, trapped with him.

He’s got all the money, all the cards. He’s got us right where he wants us, where he can watch every move we make. ”

He’s right. I somehow have everything in my life with Eric, and yet nothing at all. There’s nobody there, no connection outside of Bo. Nothing we have is in my name.

No children, either, I realize sharply. I didn’t even have his honesty or loyalty.

“I should have seen something. I’ve been so blind, I’m so, so sorry Bo.” Heat pricks at my eyes as he blurs, and I dig my nails into my leg to try and keep my reaction together. This isn’t about me. It’s about him .

The tears start to roll down his face and he sits up, wiping mine away with his thumb. “Stop, I didn’t say any of that to make you feel guilty. None of this is your fault. And it's not mine either. I’ve had some help to realize that.” His eyes dart to where I know Jesse stands behind us.

The contact of his hand on my face for some reason makes me start crying harder. At the pain in my friend, at the sordidness of the situation we’re in. At the realization that my life is a fake thing that I can’t go back to even if I wanted.

I pull him in close, trying to hold all his fractured pieces together. “You know I love you. We’ll figure it out together, okay?”

“I’m just letting you know now, Em. If they come—when this all comes crashing down—I’m not going back.”

Tears fall faster and I grip the back of his shirt, starting to shake because I can’t imagine losing him. But I can’t ask him to leave and I can’t stay .

Right?

“I don’t want to lose you,” I say instead. I can’t think about the rest right now, I want to forget everything else, all the chaos and uncertainty.

“You don’t have to, you know,” a deep voice says, Jesse sinking into the couch to sit behind Bo. Jesse runs his hands up Bo’s back, up to his shoulders, rubbing them and peeking over to see the tears on his face. “Are you okay?”

Bo nods as he looks at him, and the connection in their locked gaze is so evident. Jesse searches him for the truth, and Bo looks at Jesse like he’s a life vest to cling to. He loosens his hold on me and sinks back into Jesse’s chest, who rests his head on top of Bo’s.

“What do you mean I don’t have to?”

Jesse shrugs. “You don’t have to do anything. Whatever you think your plans are for the next month, year, decade. They can change whenever you want. But Bo’s going to be with someone who will take care of him.”

Maybe it's the guilt, but his comment stings. “I care about him, too. I do take care of him. ”

“I know,” Jesse says, as Bo squeezes my hand. “I’m not saying you don’t, Princess. I’m saying Bo’s mine now, and I’m going to make sure he never has to live in that kind of fear again. I’m saying that you don’t either, if you don’t want to.”

I blink back my surprise. “Me? Don’t you hate me?

Everything Eric’s done to your family, to your sister?

” I huff, the emotion clogging my throat.

“To you Bo? And I’ve been oblivious, an idiot just cooking his dinner and washing his socks like he hangs the sun in the sky.

I would understand if you both, if you all”—I turn to Include Noah, who’s gripping the island and watching the scene play out—“resented me. Bo, I can’t lose you. You’re all I have.”

He nods, wiping away the fresh tears with his thumb. “Don’t cry, Em. He isn’t worth it. We’re going to be fine, we’ve still got each other here.”

I focus on the way he holds my hand, take a shaky breath and nod.

“Good,” Jesse says, wrapping an arm around Bo’s side to grip his chest and pull him closer, mouth on the back of his neck. “I’m so proud of you for saying it, for getting it out.”

Bo shivers, trying to nod but letting himself sink into Jesse’s touch. And I get it. Nobody’s taken care of Bo before without a motive. “It doesn’t hurt as much,” he manages to say, his eyes getting heavy.

He moans when Jesse sucks on his neck, whose eyes are once again locked on mine. “Good.” He bites gently on the spot, then licks his way up to his ear. “You did so well. You both did,” he corrects, allowing me to share some of the praise.

Bo’s hand creeps out, hesitating, then takes mine in his, wrapping his fingers with mine. “Love you,” he whispers.

I nod, my throat thick with emotion. “I love you, too.”

There’s a sinking feeling on the cushion behind me, and I’m tugged backward, hitting a hard chest, and peek up to see Noah’s face above me, watching where Bo’s hand intertwines with mine. The contact from Noah has my thighs clenching, my body tightening as his hand wraps around my middle .

“Jesse’s right,” he says. “You have your own choices to make now.”

It’s somehow true, even though I’m here and can’t leave. Even though I’m locked into my room at night, and was brought to this house bound and blindfolded.

I can choose the before—the home, the comfort.

Or I can choose this. My friend, the heady feeling in my chest as I watch Jesse turn Bo’s head and take his mouth into his. The feeling of Noah pulling me close, running one of his hands up and down my leg.

I’m their captive. These are the men who dragged me away from my life—and yet, I feel completely safe in their hands.

I could choose this.

I could choose them .