Page 6 of Stat: Love In Scrubs

She stared at her melting ice cream for a long moment, then slowly started cleaning up her things. No more questions, no arguments—just quiet acceptance. I’d take a tantrum over that flat voice any day. At least tantrums meant she still believed in me.

I couldn’t find the words beyond my usual apology, which I knew was beginning to not be good enough. Days like today made me feel like I was failing Veronica and Esa.

I had more than one purpose in life. I guess this was what they spoke about in medical school.

They would let us know we would find ourselves missing out on moments like this to help others.

I guess when they used to say it back then, it wasn’t a concern because I was a single man, but the moment Veronica came into my life, then Esa, everything changed.

I stood and helped Esa clear the picnic table, then reached a hand out to hold hers.

“I’m a big girl, Dad,” she told me, leaving my open hand where it was. The way she said ‘Dad’ instead of ‘Daddy’ cut deep. She was already pulling away, protecting herself the only way a six-year-old knew how.

I nodded and stuffed my hands into my pockets.

Another mental note to add to the growing list of ways I’d failed her this month.

The promises were piling up faster than I could keep them.

I knew she wasn’t feeling me currently because any other time, she would have raced to take hold of my hand.

I made a mental note to make it up to her.

The drive to my mother’s was quiet. No singing and no laughter like earlier.

The moment I pulled into the driveway and placed the car in park, Esa had removed her seatbelt and rushed up the steps of my parents’ home.

I strolled silently behind her as the door pulled back to reveal my dad with a sympathetic look.

Esa gave him a hug and a kiss, then ran inside, leaving my ass hanging.

Driving away, I kept seeing her face. That look said I’d failed her.

And for the first time in a long time, I wanted to talk about it.

Not with my parents. With Yara. Not to distract myself with sex.

Just… to talk. And that scared me more than anything.

“Looks like she ain’t fucking with you today.” My dad joked, trying to get a smile out of me.

I couldn’t find it in me to get the joke in it all, but that was my dad. Whenever things felt heavy, he lightened the moment.

“I hear you, Pops. Can y’all give her a little extra love today? Seeing as I failed on that front today.”

My pops nodded, then stepped out of the house to walk me back to the car. He knew I was pressed for time.

“She may not understand now, but she will get it later, and you will get better at choosing your family with time. I understand your job is a vital part of your healing, but soon you’re going to have to pick which moments matter the most.”

I didn’t say a word, just nodded, then got into my truck. My dad had watched me struggle with this same choice for years—saw me slowly choosing work over everything else, just like he’d warned me not to do.

“Tell Mom and Esa I love them. I’ll be by to get Esa as soon as this delivery is over.” I told him as he backed away from my truck.

As I pulled away from the curb, his words replayed in my head. They rode shotgun with me all the way back to the hospital. I knew everything he said was true, and soon a decision would need to be made. If only he knew just how soon that decision would come.

The twenty-minute drive to Saint Ambrose felt like twenty seconds.

My mind was already shifting into doctor mode, but part of me was still back at that picnic table, watching my daughter’s face fall.

By the time the hospital came into view, I’d compartmentalized the guilt enough to function.

I pulled into the parking deck and headed straight for the employee entrance—no point going home to change when I kept spare scrubs in my locker for emergencies exactly like this one.

Just as I hopped out of the car, my phone buzzed.

I made it so all emails came to my phone, especially since that was the main form of contact for Esa’s program she was in this summer.

I checked my phone as I walked toward the hospital’s entrance door.

The familiar smell of antiseptic and coffee hit me as the automatic doors whooshed open.

This place felt more like home than my actual house some days.

I clicked on the email from Esa’s school, and it was a request for volunteers for next week’s trip to the aquarium. I knew I didn’t have a choice but to be there. That would be my way of making it up to her. I quickly replied, letting them know I would be in attendance.

Although I planned to be there for Esa, I silently hoped that Ms. Sinclair would be there as well. Now I had a full name and access to her, even if limited. I wanted to know everything I could when it came to her.

The thought of seeing her in her element made me smile despite everything—Mrs. Johnson’s early labor, Esa’s disappointment, the weight of another broken promise.

Yeah, I could chaperone a few excited kids if it meant being in her presence again.

The fact that she’d become the bright spot in this mess probably said more about my priorities than I wanted to admit.

I dragged my free hand over my face, forcing myself to compartmentalize. Personal life would have to wait. Right now, Mrs. Johnson and her baby needed me, and I was going to make damn sure they both left this hospital healthy.