Page 5 of Starring Role

Chapter three

Coop felt as if hewas apologizing with every other word, between takes. He was a horrible mass of nerves, especially once the rumors had reached him that he'd only get three episodes before being killed off and replaced. It all depended on whether they could find a different actor to play the main wolf role, no doubt. After Singh's ominous words that first day,Coop had no doubt he was looking hard.

The man clearly resented having to defend the casting he'd never wanted to settle for in the first place. Plus, Lincoln Canes's barely disguised contempt for Coop when they weren't doing a scene together made him feel deeply insecure. He was torn between wanting to ask for an autograph and asking what he'd done to piss the famous actor off. Mostly, hesettled for apologizing if he fucked up yet another take.

On the bright side of all this, difficult as it was, he was able to channel the feelings of vulnerability into his character, putting a rawness into his performance that he knew showed off the truth of Seth Waters's feelings in the script. It would be easy to skip over the more uncomfortable aspects of that, the very real feelings ofnot being good enough, not knowing if you had what it would take, feeling desperately that you must, yet might not be able to pull it off. Of course he'd love to focus more on the fun aspects of the character: the jaunty toughness of Seth, the cute smile and the hesitant charm, but Giltner was pretty clear on what he wanted here, and Coop knew he could play it if he was willing to be honest.

It cost something every time to put himself out there in such a real way. He went home at the end of each day's shooting exhausted mentally and emotionally, feeling raw and stripped bare by the process, naked on film with all his clothes on. It was worth it if the performance was good enough, and really, if he only had three episodes, then he'd best give it all he had.

He saw the handsome securityguard more than once and nodded to him. Jimmy returned his nods cautiously but never spoke to him. In fact, he seemed to be staying out of Cooper's path, as if he might have something communicable. It hurt a little, especially with Lincoln clearly thinking so little of him. He wanted to be liked; it was a weakness, certainly, but it was the truth. Coop desperately wanted to be liked.

Oneday, there were people standing outside the studio gates, holding up signs that protested wolf erasure and other things that came down to this: Coop had been cast to play a wolf, and he wasn't a wolf. He couldn't help feeling guilty about it. This was his big break; he had to do his best. But at the same time, he could definitely see that point of view. There was finally a sympathetic wolf characterin a prime spot on TV, and he wasn't even going to be portrayed by a wolf actor. What a kick in the seat.

At the same time, Cooper felt protective of Seth; this washischaracter, and he was loyal to him, wanted to give everything he could to the role so that audiences would really love and feel for this guy. It was one thing to say wolves might not like him, since he wasn't a wolf actor, butthe character—he really thought he could make the character someone you wanted to succeed, someone you cared about, even if you'd never rooted for a wolf on the screen in your life. Maybe it was hubris, but he felt it in his bones. This was a well-written, complex character, strong in some ways and very weak and vulnerable in others. He was a character you wanted to succeed; the writers haddone an amazing job, and slowly, he was becoming Coop's alter ego.

He didn't want to give this guy up, either.

At least if they wrote him out, no one else would play Seth, either. They'd have to write a new wolf character. That was some balm to his wounded pride.

The shooting schedule was exhausting, and he was in almost every scene, even the ones without Lincoln. Twelve-hour days werethe norm, and he was worn out. Sleep and commuting were all he really had time for. Forget working out or socializing. At least the catering was amazing, and it was the sorts of things he could eat without ruining all his hard work.

The catering was also more generous than anything he'd ever seen before. Maybe it was because this was a bigger production than any he'd been involved within the past, but he was surprised to see there were always a lot of really fresh, well-prepared and delicious foods, as well as a variety of fresh juices, and that everyone on set had access to good things to eat all day long, behind-the-scenes staff as well as the actors.

Lincoln had a bigger trailer, and he spent as much time in it as possible. At least the camera crew, set people, and costumefolks didn't seem to resent Cooper. He had quickly become one of the family there.

"Lincoln's just mad he didn't get that big movie part," Omar Perkins suggested one day. He was the guy who made Cooper's hair into Seth's.

"Really? What part was he going for?" Coop loved gossip as much as any theater kid. He was surprised Lincoln hadn't gotten any role he'd gone for, what with his handsome,hard features and his strong body and his impressive CV. He'd been working in the industry for a long time. Sure, he was starting to go a little gray, but not in a bad way. He was still handsome and an amazing actor, and there was always hair dye if he needed it to play a younger part.

"Some action hero, but apparently he's too old. At least, that's what all the gossip blogs are saying."

"No!" said Coop. "But he's not old!"

"Mm-mm. Honey, you tell yourself that, but they don't cast him as a leading man anymore. He's the mentor figure, like in this."

Coop didn't say anything. Was that who Lincoln was playing? He'd thought... No. He didn't want to say what he thought. Not out loud. There had been such an unspoken current between them, Seth's silent longing and insecurity.It was hard to think of it as a mentor-ish connection... But that wasn't the sort of thing he'd say out loud, no way.