Page 45 of Starring Role

To be fair, Lincoln's ugliness had worked. He'd gotten out of any more dual interviews, which was what he'd wanted anyway.Coop could only really be cool about it all if he maintained an emotional distance, tried to remember this was just a job and that his real life was waiting back home, with Jimmy. It was weird, because he'd only lived there a short time, but it already felt more like home than almost anywhere else had for some time.

It made him quite sentimental to think about that, and to think what it meantfor the future. Jimmy had shown no signs of getting sick of him, and had made it clear he was in it for the long haul and wasn't giving up on Coop even if he fucked up. It was heady stuff. On his best days, Coop could even believe it was true.

On his worst days, all he could see in the mirror were failure and flaws, and he couldn't believe Jimmy would be able to stand him much longer. Hecould barely stand to look in the mirror, so how could anyone else bear to be around him or look at his ugly face and his flawed body, much less put up with his ingratiating, loathsome personality? No wonder Lincoln hated him. It was a surprise anyone didn't.

Being a people pleaser came naturally to him, though, and he sparkled and shone and charmed his way through interview after interview—morethan had been scheduled before. He was almost certain that Lincoln was getting out of even more work, and he was getting saddled with it. But if it kept the show on the air, he could get through it. It wasn't that he didn't like talking with people about the show and his character and really, anything they asked that wasn't inappropriate.

He loved the attention, the laughter his clevererresponses could sometimes earn. He'd always been more than willing to dance for applause, for any scraps of attention he could get, so on the one hand, having a bigger audience and that immediate feedback was heady stuff. But sometimes he wanted to put his head down and hide—preferably against Jimmy's broad chest, being held in his strong arms.

He wanted to hide, and he wanted not to feelso raw, like everything was make or break, like he had to sell the show fresh over and over and earn the approval of thousands of strangers. It was mentally exhausting, having so much of it rest on him, having it matter so much. He'd always needed to please, but the requirements on him now seemed so much heavier, like they could break him in half if he tripped even once. He wanted to be home,with Jimmy, and feel safe again.

But at least they talked every day, sometimes twice a day, and the emotional closeness felt real and true and good, no less potent than before, even if he missed the physical presence of his boyfriend almost more than he could stand.

Maybe someday, he would become a big enough star that he'd have money enough for both of them, money to burn, and Jimmy could quithis job and they'd never have to be apart, even when Coop had to travel. But that was fantasy stuff, and he had no idea how Jimmy would feel about that. In fact, he might be insulted, might feel like Coop wanted him as a kept man. That wasn't it at all; he just missed his guy dreadfully, and daydreams about a more physically together future were a siren call.

Would Jimmy love him long enoughfor that to become a possibility? Would Cooper ever actually have that much of a steady income? That was a lot of ifs at this point.

In the meantime, he ground his way through interview after interview, being his best charming self, missing his boyfriend, hoping for more time on the show and trying not to see all the flaws in himself. He never seemed able to fix any of them, just spot moreof them the closer he looked, like putting on glasses and suddenly seeing all the dirt and dust in every corner of a room that had looked perfectly clean moments before. Sometimes, if you couldn't do anything about it anyway, it was better not to look.

There was less time to work out, and no one to force him through brutal training, so he had to watch what he ate even more. That was a big challengeon the road, on the move, never spending much time in the same place twice. He did the best he could while feeling viciously homesick. Jimmy really had spoiled him, giving him the feeling of home and the care he'd gotten used to far too easily.

At least he didn't have to be around Lincoln for a time, and that was one good thing that came of this lonely and needy journey, trying to win his wayinto viewers' and interviewers' hearts.

But in his heart, he knew even this was only a temporary reprieve, even if it didn't always feel like any sort of reprieve at all. Right now, he was lonely, but working. For how long, though?

Lincoln had gotten out of being interviewed with him. What was his next plan? Getting Coop fired, maybe? Coop had known the older actor disliked him, but nowhe knew how much. He was scene-stealing and gay, and Lincoln didn't really want to work with him. No matter how charming he tried to be, he wasn't going to be able to change that. It would only make it worse, more than likely.

If it came down to a choice between the two of them, Lincoln would stay, and he would go. Lincoln was the big name, and Coop was...nobody.

#

It was a pain intheneck to recast Lincoln's role. Grant hadn't expected it to be fun and games, but this was worse than he'd thought. He couldn't leave it to Sahil alone, though. This had been partly his decision, so he needed to help with it.

After visiting with Lincoln for a little while, talking to him about the situation and getting a read on his attitude, they'd come to a mutual decision to writehim out of the show as soon as possible and replace him with someone who would "be a better long-term fit," which was how they were wording it in internal memos.

So far, nobody had leaked this to the press, and they wanted to keep it quiet for as long as possible. There was no need for a storm in a teacup before they'd even found the right actor. It might take another whole season beforethey'd found the right person. At the moment, it was beginning to look that way.

Since the open casting call had to be a bit vague to not give away the true scope of things—including the breadth of the role they wanted to fill—they ended up having to sort through endless audition tapes. Even with two full-time assistants helping to narrow some of it down, Sahil and Grant were watching a hellof a lot of auditions. They liked to watch together, imagining the actors in the role, discussing them together before passing along likely tapes to the other producers, the network, and everyone else who needed to agree. It was all terribly complicated and a bit tiring. But Grant wasn't going to back out now—Sahil wouldn't have made the call and started the proceedings if not for his advice.He'd still be butting heads with that annoying actor.

Grant wouldn't be watching any of Lincoln's movies in the future, that was for sure. Lincoln should have tried harder to like his costar and do his job with at least a little enthusiasm. Some of the things he'd said about Cooper Hayes really rankled, and Grant couldn't help feeling protective of the younger actor. It wasn't just the characterhe played; it was something about the fresh-faced actor himself. It was difficult to believe anyone wouldn't like him, much less actively dislike him the way Lincoln did, for any reason. But for whatever reason, Lincoln saw him as competition. and he was homophobic to some level as well, putting him off Coop even more.

Cooper wasn't out as gay, but he was; a wolf only had to meet him toknow, and a lot of other people seemed to have guessed, or speculated, or had suspicions. Grant didn't know his reasons for not being open about it, but he guessed they were the same ones you'd find in a lot of careers.

By his body type alone, aside from the extra muscle, he was close to being the kind of man Grant would have fallen for in a heartbeat before he'd met his Sahil. Slim, big-eyed,vulnerable, and extremely cute. He would never want anyone but Sahil again, but that didn't mean he didn't recognize beauty and talent when he saw them, and soft-hearted little twinks brought out his protective side.

Lincoln obviously saw things the exact opposite way, and Grant couldn't like or support a man who looked down on twinks. Not that he'd ever tell Cooper he saw him as a twink.If he ever spoke to the guy in person (which he no doubt would, congratulating him on all of his awards and laurels; Grant saw no reason to doubt that would happen), he would never even remotely imply he saw a twink, or softness, or anything the guy might take offense at. Some people didn't want you to see them as soft.

Cooper Hayes was now, in one sense or another, part of the ever-increasingpack of people, shifters and non-shifters alike, that Grant wanted to protect. He wouldn't want to hurt or offend Cooper, and he'd be looking out for him if he could in the future.

Sahil was even worse than he was for collecting people to look after, and help, and shelter when it was needed, though he had little room in his heart for non-shifters. Grant and Sahil were a very good match in thatsense: they wanted to save everybody they could, and they had the resources to at least try.

"I'm done," announced Sahil. "None of these guys are any fucking good."

He was swearing, so he was in a bad mood, but he didn't smell the way he did when he was really annoyed. He unfolded himself from the couch and got up, scowling.

Probably, he had work to do. He always had a great many ironsin the fire, and although he'd gotten much better about delegating as the years passed and he was forced to learn, Sahil always liked to keep a close eye on anything he supported. If you could change and shape the world through will alone, Sahil would be the world's greatest magician.

But this is important. We need to find somebody to replace Lincoln Canes."Just a couple more?" said Grant."This one's really short." He pressed a button to start the audition before Sahil could protest. His husband rolled his eyes but settled back down with a grumble.