Page 11 of Stains of Desire

She looks so distraught, and tears fall down her cheeks at lightning speed.

"Would a shower help?"

"I... I just need one hit. Just one."

"You have a lot of blood on you. Can I help you shower? Or maybe a bath would be better?" I offer.

"So cold." She sniffles and tries to wrap the blanket tighter around her.

"Let me run you a hot bath, okay?"

She nods, more tears fall, and she grasps my arm when I rise. "Please get me a hit."

For several minutes, I tell her repeatedly I don't have any drugs. I go into the bathroom, fill the tub, then help her strip and get in it. I take a washcloth, and when she lets me, I wipe the dried blood off her nose, lips, and chin.

I've never seen anyone detox before, but the next ten days are the equivalent of a master course. And it's hell on earth for Zoe. Whatever I can do to help her, I do.

Every night, I leave her and feel guilty. But Santiago won't let me stay with her. And after Zoe's first day, the guard came in and took our mouthwash out. Before I go into any event, I'm led to a different bathroom and told to use the mouthwash.

When Zoe finally comes out of her haze of pain, I'm getting ready for the night. She says, "I never asked you where you go at night."

I run my hand through my hair. "Santiago makes me have dinner with him, attend smaller functions, and tell him my secrets."

"What are your secrets?"

I turn to the wall and quietly say, "I can't tell you anything. Please don't ask again."

"Okay. I'm sorry."

It's not that I don't trust Zoe. She's given me no reason to think she would do anything to harm me, but I have to protect my secrets while Millie is out there. "It's all right. Thank you for understanding."

"You're from the U.K.?"

"Yes."

"How did you get over here?"

"I worked at the British embassy in Panama."

Her forehead scrunches. "Really? I played there a few months ago. I'm surprised we never met. I would remember you. You look like a model."

"Thanks. I was sick the night you played, or we would have. Speaking of sick, you look a lot better."

Her face turns red. "I feel better. I'm sure this has been horrible for you...having to deal with me."

I snort. "I'm glad you're better, but being with you is better than being by myself."

"How long have you been here?"

"I think three or four months since before you came. I'm not sure anymore."

"You've been here all on your own for that long?" she cries out.

"No." I place my hand over my face to try and hide but break down.

Zoe scoots over on the bed and puts her arm around me. "Are you okay?"

"They took my daughter," I blurt out.