Page 19

Chapter Nineteen

I don’t speak to Zayne at first.

I’m not sure if I’m mad at him just yet. He should have never engaged in that fight, even if Carlton did push him first. But then again, I’m not sure I can be mad. He was defending me.

And now his nose is bleeding.

I risk a glance at him. We’re standing outside the Evans house, at the end of the driveway. I have no idea what we’re supposed to do now. Do we go our separate ways? Should we talk? I should at least offer him a ride home in case he doesn’t have one.

Before I can ask, Zayne stuffs his hands in his pockets and sighs. “I don’t know what came over me back there. I shouldn’t have done that. But hearing him talk about you like that…” He meets my gaze. “I didn’t like it. I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s true.”

I shrug, but I feel his words all the way down to my toes. “At least you’re sorry.”

“I never said I was sorry. I know it was wrong to hit him, but I’d still do it again.”

I inhale sharply. I have no idea what to say to that. So instead, I ask, “Did you drive here?”

He nods. “You?”

“Yeah.”

The little puffs of air Zayne is exhaling are visible in the cold night air. “What about your friend?”

“That’s right,” I say. “I forgot I drove Rue here. I guess I’ll wait for her in my car.” But I linger in place, not quite ready to walk away. “I think I have a first aid kit in my glove compartment.” I wince at his face, where blood is trickling from his nose and mingling with his vampire makeup. “Can I help you clean some of that blood off?”

He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing, and then he nods. He follows me to my car, and I turn on the engine and crank up the heater as soon as we get in.

Zayne rubs his hands together in front of the vent, and I shuffle through the messy middle console until I find what I’m looking for. I grin and hold it up like a hard-earned prize. “First-aid kit.” I place it in his hands. “I’m just grateful all you walked away with is a bloody nose.”

“Thanks.” He smiles and takes the kit. He grabs an alcohol wipe and begins cleaning the blood off his face.

When he’s done, he turns to look at me. I’m still staring. I transfer my gaze to the steering wheel, squeezing it with more force than necessary, and I clear my throat. “You were right, by the way.”

“About what?”

“ Emma . The book.” I study my hands. “I loved it.”

There’s a long pause, and when I look at Zayne again, he’s grinning. “You actually read it?”

“Every word. Along with all the notes you left me in the margins.”

He chuckles. “Couldn’t have you under-appreciating the good parts.”

“I wouldn’t have.”

“You definitely would have, Miss I-only-read-magazines-but-plan-to-get-into-an-Ivy-League.”

“Shut up.” I bite my grin away and smack his shoulder, but then feel kind of bad, because what if he hurt his shoulder while he and Carlton were fighting? I rub the spot where I just smacked him. “Sorry.”

He stares at my hand on his shoulder.

I don’t move.

The car is filled with a piercing silence. And then I break it, my voice hardly louder than a whisper. “Why did you defend me, like that?”

He frowns, like my question doesn’t make sense. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I guess after the way things started between us…I didn’t think you would care.”

He gives me a disapproving look. “Come on, Dot. That was a long time ago. You know I care about you now.”

The words are casual, and so is his tone. But they settle over me in a way that somehow makes me feel weightless, like I’m floating. “That makes one of you,” I say. I try to make it sound funny, like it doesn’t bother me that Carlton finally wrote me off. That he tried to make me jealous by kissing Meredith. But deep down, his rejection stings, especially since it was in front of so many others. And I can tell by Zayne’s expression that my attempt at hiding the pain is unsuccessful.

“Dot.” His voice is low, almost a whisper. “You deserve better than Carlton, and you know it. You deserve better than someone who won’t even call you his girlfriend.”

There’s a deafening pause. I push my rising anxiety aside and then my mouth opens and a whisper escapes it. “Someone like you?” I feel like I’m going to die after I say it.

There they are, Dot. The words you’ve been thinking, harboring all along.

The words that—now that they’ve been spoken—change everything between us. Even the shallow air we’re breathing.

He inhales sharply.

“Zayne,” I mutter, and he glances at my lips. The burning memory of how they felt pressed against his during rehearsal consumes my thoughts.

He pauses, like he’s not sure what I want from him. And to be honest, I’m not sure either. All I know is he’s nothing like the boy I thought he was when we first met.

He’s more.

So much more.

“Zayne,” I say again, unable to stop the rush of words that come next. “I think I want you to kiss me.”

He blinks a few times, then grins. He reaches up and winds his fingers through my braids until he finds the base of my neck. His skin is warm, and I can’t help the nerves, the excitement that spreads through my veins as he pulls me to him, lowers his head, and touches his lips to mine. As soon as our mouths brush together, my heart races like it might escape my chest. I steady myself against my nerves, and Zayne captures my next breath with another kiss. This time, it’s more tender, more insistent. It makes my blood feel too hot for my veins, but I don’t pull away, because I’m desperate for this moment to stretch out as long as possible. I reach up, hesitate, and touch Zayne’s shoulders, letting my palms rest against them.

He pulls back just enough for us to open our eyes, and I meet his gaze. It sends a fresh bundle of nerves through my stomach, and I can’t help myself. I grip his shoulders and pull him closer, my nose grazing his and forcing our eyes to fall shut again. My lips part, and when our tongues touch, I taste peppermint and coffee. It’s so Zayne . And I want more of it.

Someone knocks on the car window, and with a start, we break apart. I blink away the hazy elation of kissing him as I stare at the form on the other side of the car. It’s Rue. And she’s crying. “I want to go home,” she sniffs. “Right now.”

Anger sparks in my veins . “I’m going to punch Carlton in his stupid, egotistical?—”

“No.” Rue shakes her head. “I’d really rather just leave.”

“Okay.” I nod with a deep sigh. “Of course.” I turn back to Zayne, but he’s already getting out of the car. My heart sinks. I’m not ready for him to leave. But my friend needs me right now, so I wave at him with my lip in a pout. “I’ll text you,” I say.

“Okay.” The way he stares at my mouth makes me think he’s anything but ready to part ways either. “Thanks for the first aid kit, by the way.”

“Anytime.”

Rue gets in the car, wiping away a fresh tear rolling down her cheek as she shuts the door. When Zayne walks away, I begin the drive back to my house where her car is waiting.

I search for words to comfort Rue, but only manage to settle on, “Carlton is such a jerk.”

“I know you’re probably wondering why I like him so much after tonight, but there’s still such a good side to him.” She shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter, though. I shouldn’t be upset. I should have known he’d go for Mere next instead of me.” She takes a long, tired deep breath. The defeated look in her eyes makes me so sad.

“No. He just doesn’t know you like him yet, that’s all.” I squeeze her hand. She doesn’t deserve to be burned like this. Especially since she’s always there for everyone else. She’s the only one of Carlton’s friends who didn’t turn her back on me when he did, and even still, she remained a good friend to him and Meredith by not letting me talk badly about them. “Everything will work out,” I tell her, trying to sound optimistic. But I know what she’s thinking, and I can’t help but agree—that Little Birdie is going to write about her crush on Carlton.

And then everything else is going to get even more complicated.

“Did you know,” she says, “that Meredith used to have really bad social anxiety?”

“No. That’s hard to imagine. She seems so confident all the time.”

“I know she does,” says Rue. “But she’s not always confident. When we were younger, I was the only person who knew how hard it was for her to socialize with people. It used to send her into a panic.”

“Used to? What changed?”

“I told her that I was scared too. And if I could fake it, so could she.” Rue smiles, a faraway look in her eyes. “I told her that anytime she felt like running and hiding, to imagine I was there, standing next to her, holding her hand. Just as scared as she was. That’s what started her interest in acting. Pretending all the time. And believe it or not, joining the drama club helped her break out of her shell. But now, I just wish I could take my own advice. I’m so, so scared of what all my friends will think if they find out I like C.”

It’s weird to think of someone as bold and apologetic as Meredith being afraid of what others think. Maybe we aren’t so different after all. I trace patterns on the steering wheel with my thumb. “You’re a good friend. They’ll all understand what you’re going through, Rue. But you just need to talk to Carlton. Tell him how you feel and see if he feels the same.”

“If Little Birdie doesn’t beat me to it.” Her voice is laced with bitterness. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her shift toward me, her eyes rounding. “Speaking of which…”

“What?”

“You and Zayne kissing!” she shouts. Her lips form a wide grin. “When did that start happening?”

I laugh. “Just before you came to the car, actually.”

Her eyes get round. “You mean I interrupted your first real kiss?”

“Don’t worry,” I giggle, though she definitely cut our moment off earlier than I would have liked. “It’s not like that.”

“Ah,” she says, like that explains everything. “Got it. It’s for the play, then.” All traces of excitement seem to melt off her face.

I try to match her words with meaning but fail. “What do you mean?”

“Method acting. You know…how lead couples get together to help improve their onstage chemistry? Zayne’s done it before, with that girl Cassidy who played his love interest last year. She ended up getting accepted to Underwood. That’s what you guys are doing, right?”

I’m stunned into silence for a long moment. She makes it sound like a common practice among the theater students at Fallbrook. But why am I just now hearing about it?

Because you’re stupid and naive, Dot.

Is that what Zayne has been doing? Method acting, so we’d have even better chemistry onstage? A few months ago, I wouldn’t put it past him, especially if he thought it would improve his chances at getting accepted to Underwood. But we’re closer than that now. He’s admitted he cares about me, and I’m going to choose to hold firm to that belief.

Even if it would be the ultimate revenge for the way I treated him when I first got cast as the lead in the play, Zayne wouldn’t do that to me. He wouldn’t.

“I like Zayne,” I tell her. “And he likes me, too. That’s the truth.”

She squeals, clapping her hands together. “Oh my gosh! This is crazy. Just wait till Little Birdie finds out.”

I smile at her enthusiasm, trying to ignore the sadness her statement makes me feel. Having Little Birdie spread lies about me is one thing, but I’m worried having something this personal put out for the whole school to read will feel like a bit of a loss, dampening the magic of new discovery. “Please don’t tell anyone. I want to keep it off her site as long as possible.”

She nods. “I won’t say a word. Promise.”

A surge of relief rushes through me. “Thank you.” As I drive us to my house, a bit of my hope is restored. Maybe this will be the first thing I’ll get to keep to myself since I became the new girl.