Page 9 of Silent Verity (Razor Monkees #2)

Jesse

I stared up at my ceiling, my heart in my throat.

Dalton had seemed just fine on the way home.

As if that photoshoot hadn’t bothered him in the slightest. And I guessed there was no real reason for it to.

It wasn’t like he actually liked me as more than a friend.

He didn’t need me the same way I needed him.

He’d gone out of his way yesterday to comfort me because it was what he’d always done when my mother called and upended my emotional stability.

There had been nothing more to it than that, and I’d been a fool to see it as anything more.

And while that morning he’d promised me we could crawl back into his bed and binge watch some more TV while cuddling, I couldn’t bring myself to take him up on it again, even if I knew it’d make me feel better for a little while.

I couldn’t keep doing this to myself. I couldn’t keep hoping for more every time he so much as looked at me.

How the fuck had Tor and Salem done this for over a fucking year?

A light knock sounded on my door. Sighing and hoping it wasn’t Dalton because I just couldn’t deal with him right then, I called out, “Come in.”

The door opened, revealing Tor, and I relaxed a little at the sight of him. I didn’t want to be bothered, but at least he wasn’t Dalton.

Tor was wearing a Sleep Token t-shirt with a pair of black skinny jeans, his feet bare. He took one look at me and sighed, shaking his head as he stepped further into my room. After shutting the door behind him, he crawled onto the bed with me and rested his head on my shoulder.

“It’s okay to cry,” he said quietly.

I blew out a harsh breath, my throat too tight for comfort. “Cry for what?” I muttered. “A man who doesn’t fucking want me? A man who never gave me any inkling that he had feelings for me, yet I pined after him anyway?”

Tor grabbed my hand in his and laced our fingers together.

My throat tightened even more, damn near strangling me.

“Salem likes me to keep my nose to myself because, in his opinion, what everyone else is going through is not our business. But you and Dalton are our best friends, Jesse, and it breaks my heart to see you two hurting.”

I scoffed, shaking my head. “Dalton isn’t hurting over a mother fucking thing.”

“You’re wrong, you know?” Tor quietly said. I swallowed thickly. “He’s in the living room right now stressing the fuck out because he doesn’t know what’s wrong with you. He doesn’t know how to help you. You’re shutting him out, Jesse. Hell, you’re shutting all of us out.”

“I’m not shutting you out,” I muttered, my voice petulant.

Tor snorted. “Only because I’m invading your space and forcing you to welcome me in.” I grunted because he wasn’t wrong. “Had I not come to you, you’d continue laying here wallowing in misery just like I used to. Just like Salem did.” He blew out a soft breath. “You know what I wish, Jesse?”

“What?” I grumbled.

“I wish someone had stepped in a lot sooner and forced me and Salem to work our shit out. I wish someone had come to talk to us. Did you know I wanted to fucking die, Jesse?” I swallowed thickly.

Tor had gone on a downward spiral, but I’d had no idea his thoughts had turned suicidal.

“Salem has always been my rock, and when I lost him, I fucking lost myself. I can’t help but see the parallels in you and Dalton. ”

“Salem at least got you off in a nasty ass bar bathroom first,” I said quietly.

Tor sighed. “Maybe Dalton hasn’t gotten you off in a nasty ass bar bathroom ,” he retorted, mocking me, “but you two did share a bed. You two cuddled . When your mom called, Dalton was the person you sought out. He’s your rock, Jesse, and I won’t lie and say I understand what’s happened because I don’t.

We moved here and something changed. What the fuck changed, Jesse? ”

“Dalton agreed it would be best if we all had our own rooms,” I said quietly.

“That’s what changed. The moment he…” I drew in a shaky breath.

“The moment he realized this house was big enough for us all to have our own space, it was like he couldn’t wait for it.

Like he couldn’t wait to be rid of me .”

“Oh, Jesse…” Tor whispered. “I don’t think it was like that. I think you’re both confused, and I think there’s a huge lack of communication. You two need to talk.”

“How?” I rasped, on the verge of tears. I didn’t want to cry. “What if he turns me down, Tor? What then? Delia is already trying to force us to be a couple in front of the cameras like she did with you and Salem. If he rejects me and I still have to fake that shit…”

Tor squeezed my fingers. “I know. Trust me, Jesse, if anyone knows that kind of torment, it’s me, remember?

” He rolled me onto my side and hugged me tight to him.

I sank into his embrace, tears burning in my eyes, threatening to spill over onto my cheeks.

“But it’s better to know where you stand than to feel like this, Jesse.

If he turns you down—and I don’t think he will, but if he does —you can at least attempt to move on.

But you won’t be able to let go of him if you don’t have all the answers. ”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I remained quiet.

Tor, somehow sensing that I just needed the silence and the comfort of another person so I wasn’t alone, just held me tighter, tangling our legs together.

A tear ran down my cheek as I closed my eyes, and when I began to cry harder, he just clung to me, resting his chin on the top of my head.

I was a fucking mess, and I had a feeling shit was only going to get worse from there. Because for me, nothing could ever be easy or simple.