Page 15 of Silent Verity (Razor Monkees #2)

Jesse

M y mom’s house was a disaster, and even though I hadn’t lived in the house since I graduated high school, I was embarrassed for my family—my found family—to see where I used to live.

Dalton had never even seen this place before because I never allowed him to come over.

Never even let him come pick me up. If I needed a ride, I usually walked down the street to the bus stop and had him pick me up from there.

To be honest, the house hadn’t looked much better when I lived there, but I’d at least tried to clean up when I wasn’t confined to my room because her newest boyfriend didn’t like that she had a kid, I wasn’t practicing with the guys, or I wasn’t in school.

Or hiding out at Dalton’s because I’d done that a lot, too.

“Looks pretty tame to where I grew up,” Salem commented as he stepped past me and into the house.

It was almost like he’d known I needed someone to ease my anxiety.

And the way he just stepped inside, not the least bit bothered by the needles lying everywhere, the beer and liquor bottles all over the floor, the trash everywhere…

Yeah, Salem had seen something similar or worse.

The walls were stained by nicotine, and the house reeked of mold, booze, and cigarettes. It was a smell I’d grown up with all my life, which meant I should have been used to it, but my stomach turned all the same.

“Come on,” Dalton said, gently pressing his hand to my lower back.

“You don’t have to come in,” I rasped, turning to face him.

He frowned at me, his brows pulling low over his eyes. “What? Why would you think I wouldn’t want to be here, Jesse?”

Because you have loving parents and come from a home that was cleaned by professionals once a week .

But I didn’t say that. I opened my mouth to come up with…

something, but I drew a blank. Dalton sighed and pulled me into his arms, his strength wrapping around me.

I sank into his embrace and breathed in the scent of his cologne—something rich and woodsy.

The smell settled me and eased the headache already beginning to pulse at my temples.

“Seeing this house doesn’t make me think any less of you, Jesse,” Dalton said quietly, his chin resting on top of my head.

I swallowed thickly and wound my arms around his waist, my fingers twisting into the back of his hoodie.

“If anything, it just makes me remember how fucking strong you are. I don’t think I would’ve survived living somewhere like this. ”

“It sucked,” I muttered because I didn’t know what else to say but also because it was the raw truth. It had sucked.

He slid his hand into my hair and tilted my head back so I was forced to look up at him.

“I know, baby.” Leaning down, he pecked my lips.

My heart skipped a beat in my chest. Now that we were…

together—it seemed to be an unspoken agreement that we were a couple now—I couldn’t get enough of Dalton’s kisses and the way he touched me and clung to me. In fact, I never wanted him to stop.

If I could, I’d burrow myself beneath his skin so we never had to be apart.

“Come on,” Dalton urged, releasing me, only to grab my hand and wrap it in his. Carefully, we traversed the nasty house until we were in the living room, where the guys were already pulling photo albums out of the entertainment center that was older than I was.

I frowned down at them. “These were in there?” I asked.

Tor nodded. “Yeah. We figured we’d start taking apart the living room, then work our way to her room, then to your room. I’m sure there’s nothing in the kitchen you want.”

There’d be nothing but pots and pans as old as I was and a few dishes she’d used as ashtrays more than she’d ever used for food and drinks.

I shook my head at him. “No, nothing from the kitchen,” I agreed.

Gingerly, I sat on the couch, making a mental note to trash these sweatpants when I got home.

Grabbing the first album, I flipped it open.

Immediately, my throat closed up with tears.

I’d never seen these pictures. Hell, I never even knew my mom had photo albums until that moment.

The very first picture was one of me and her.

She’d just given birth to me. Her face was sweaty and flushed, and she was young—sixteen, if I remembered correctly.

She wasn’t even looking at the camera. She was looking at me .

Looking at me like I held the world in my tiny, bunched up fists.

And she looked happy . Fuck, my mom was healthy .

Her eyes were clear, and her sweaty skin was flushed pink.

But I couldn’t get past the fact that she was looking at me like she fucking loved me.

With shaking fingers, I flipped the page, coming face to face with more pictures of me and her. These were all in the delivery room, too. In the second picture, she was speaking animatedly to a dark-haired guy that looked to be the same age as her, and he was grinning down at me.

“Is that your dad?” Dalton asked quietly, taking a seat beside me.

“I think so,” I rasped. He sure looked a hell of a lot like I did at that age.

“I never knew him,” I admitted. “Or I don’t remember him.

Mom said he left. I never cared enough about him to find out who he was.

If he could abandon me like that…” I shook my head. “Then he’s not worth my fucking time.”

“Agreed,” Kalin said from the floor where he was sitting cross-legged, going through a stack of papers.

I looked back down at the photo album, a tear running down my cheek when I flipped the page again.

We were here in my grandparents’ house in this picture, and she was sitting on this same couch, appearing to be cooing at me as she held my tiny fist in her delicate fingers.

“I think she loved me at one point,” I whispered, my voice hoarse.

My throat was so tight, and my chest hurt looking at these pictures.

But I was relived too. To know that at one point, she did love me.

It helped me cope with all the bullshit she’d piled on me. “Drugs and alcohol just… changed her.”

“Do you know what her tipping point was?” Spike asked, helping Salem pick up trash. Bottles clanked as they dropped them into the trash bag they were sharing between the two of them.

“No,” I said. “I never cared to ask. And honestly, I don’t care to know now. She chose them over me, and I’ve known she loved her next fix more than she ever loved me. She might have loved me once upon a time, but her crutch was her biggest love.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” Dalton said quietly, truly sounding pained. He gripped the back of my neck and pulled me toward him so he could press his lips to my temple. I closed my eyes, letting his love soak into my pores. “But despite her, you’ve got a great family right here, and we all love you.”

Kalin snorted from the floor. “Some of us more than others, clearly.” He made a gagging noise for dramatic effect. And despite being in the midst of my mother’s chaos, I laughed. And fuck, the way Dalton beamed at me, as if my laugh was the only fix he’d ever need…

I leaned in and kissed him, letting my lips linger for a moment too long, but no one said anything. “Thank you for being here,” I murmured.

He smiled at me. “I’m wherever you are, baby. Always.”