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“Whose idiotic idea was this?” I pant, out of breath and miserable.

“Yours,” the girls beside me groan.

The small coastal town is gorgeous but quaint. Too bad I don’t see any of it as we run up a trail that will lead us to a spot overlooking the ocean.

Finally reaching flat land, I stop, bending over and bracing my hands on my knees. Ezlyn collapses to the green grass, her chest heaving. JJ, otherwise known as Juliette, slows and circles us with her hands on her hips, trying to catch her breath.

“In my defense…” I drag in deep lungfuls of precious oxygen, “Dr. Craig said running releases endorphins, and I thought all of us could use the boost.”

“Dr. Craig is a masochist,” Ezlyn mutters.

JJ tightens her ponytail, rolling her eyes. “Only lunatics run on purpose .”

“Agreed.” Straightening, I take a few steps closer to the edge of the cliff, my hands on my hips.

It really is a stunning view. The sun is beginning to set in the distance, splashing shades of pink and purple across the sky. It’s been a month since I arrived, and each day I’m finding it easier to breathe. But while the vise around my lungs might have eased, the gigantic crack in my heart feels like it’s widening to the point I’m starting to worry that I’ll simply be sucked down into the chasm and never be able to claw my way out.

I’ve managed to fit work in between group sessions and one-on-one therapy appointments, responding to column requests with surprising ease. I would never claim to be a romance expert, but having experienced brief slivers of what it’s really like, all I have to do is ask myself, What would the guys do? and I have my response. Of course, with that line of thinking, my soul usually cries a little, but I’ve gotten used to it. After all, it was my decision that got us here.

The column has seen unexpected growth, which Asshat begrudgingly attributed to my rebranding of both the name and the tone of the overall responses. It’s great to give people helpful advice, but they appreciate it all the more when it comes across as real .

Sy has honored my wishes, keeping everything between us mostly professional. He stills asks how I’m doing, tells me they miss me, and assures me they’ll be waiting. I try to brush those comments off in a ridiculous effort to protect myself, but the spark of hope that lights up in my chest each time I read his words is a dangerous thing.

It’s not that I don’t trust him. That’s never been the problem. If there’s one overriding theme I’ve learned since coming here, it’s that I don’t trust myself . That mistrust has put up major roadblocks that purposely keep anyone from getting too close. It’s a protective measure—my brain’s sending signals that we can’t accept their love because we aren’t deserving of it, so don’t let them in at all.

The only reason West and Cadence managed to sneak through was because I instinctually recognized they weren’t a threat. They were safety . The family I never had.

“You okay, honey?” JJ steps up beside me, dragging me out of my inner monologue.

I like her. She’s got this whole Southern charm thing that immediately wins over everyone she talks to. I’m sure the blonde hair, big brown eyes, and curves for days don’t hurt either, and when push comes to shove, she doesn’t take shit from anyone.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“It’s weird, right? When your perspective starts to change?”

I nod, my throat getting tight because she’s dead on.

“Call it what it is. A mindfuck,” Ez mutters, stepping up on my other side, still a little out of breath. “The persona you’ve cultivated has become so ingrained in your mind that you lose sight of who you really are, and when the real person behind the mask finally peeks back out, it scares the shit out of you.”

I snort. “I still can’t believe the bubbly, slightly ditzy pop star was all an act. Even your voice is different. It’s honestly a little freaky.”

She playfully brushes her long dark hair off her shoulder, twirling one strand around her finger. Her blue eyes go comically wide. “I’m just, like, so good at it, right?”

JJ and I burst into giggles, and suddenly we’re all laughing so hard we can barely stand.

That’s another thing that’s happened since coming here. I’ve gained two new friends who are fully aware of just how much our minds can play tricks on us. They understand the psychological devastation trauma can reap on a person’s inner self and can relate to my struggles in a way my other friends can’t—not that they wouldn’t try. It’s just different, and that’s okay.

JJ’s the first to recover, collapsing to her butt on the grass. “You know, this pregnancy is probably the best thing that could’ve happened to me. It forced me to get help. I was on a self-destructive path after the accident that could’ve only ended one way. Now, there’s a sliver of light at the end of the tunnel rather than a giant black hole. If I never get back on the rodeo circuit, I’ll be okay. Though after the little one is born, you can bet your sweet ass I’m gonna try.”

At three months pregnant, she’s positively glowing. Yes, it was unexpected, but she’s welcomed her change in circumstances with a grace I can’t even fathom. My gut clenches as it always does when pregnancy is brought up, but there’s no longer the nausea or near panic attack, and that’s progress.

One step at a time , as Dr. Craig would say.

Looking at my new friend, I can’t imagine being in her shoes. Having everything you’ve ever wanted right at your fingertips—being one of the top-ranked women in rodeo in the nation—then in a single second, an accident threatens everything you’ve worked so hard for. When you try to drag yourself out of that black hole of trauma, biology throws you for another loop in the form of a baby you hadn’t planned.

“What about the father? Are you going to try to find him?”

She releases a harsh breath, her usually sweet apple cinnamon scent going tart. “It sounds so shitty, but I wouldn’t even know where to start. I didn’t get his name. Just drunkenly dragged him back to my hotel room and let him fuck me right into heat. He was gone before I woke up. God, I’m such a slut.”

“No, you’re human . No derogatory words, remember?” Ez says softly.

You’d never know the woman next to me is an internationally famous pop star. The media portrays her as a drunk party girl with loose morals. In reality, she’s incredibly down to earth, kind, and hilariously funny. Even when she’s on stage, the woman performing is nothing like the one with her eyes staring out across the ocean, this lost look I recognize way too easily splashed across her face. There’s a sharp note to her strawberry and champagne scent, adding to the somber mood surrounding us.

“We’re all so hard on ourselves. Comes from our backgrounds and incidents that were out of our control. We need to learn to give ourselves a little bit of grace, the same way we would other people. We deserve second chances too.”

JJ’s amused eyes meet mine. “I’m going to start calling you Dr. Craig Jr.”

“Don’t you dare!”

Ez grins. “Okay then, Ms. Second Chances . That mean you’re ready to give that hunky pack of yours another shot? Practice what you preach, and all that?”

Just the simple mention of the guys has my belly flipping.

“Oh yeah.” JJ chuckles. “She’s thinking about it.”

Ez sighs. “For the record, I would if I were you. A pack who cares about you enough to send care packages every week without fail? Who makes it a point to let you know they’re waiting for you? Gah! Do they have friends? I’d kill for my life to turn into one big whopping romantic comedy.”

I laugh even though my nerves are wind up tight. Each week, I’ve received a box from the guys. There’s never anything over the top, just small items like a fuzzy blanket and a box of macarons. A plush robe and a Spa-Day-in-a-Basket set. A pretty bound journal with a set of colored pens. A yoga Barbie doll with a brand new yoga mat.

I cackled at that one. How could I not?

The little reminders that they’re thinking of me always warm my heart, but I’ve still got a long way to go. They say they’ll wait, but that berating voice in the back of my mind constantly tries to tell me they shouldn't waste their time.

JJ nudges me, her face serious. “Don’t be too hard on yourself. You're a magnificent woman, Elliott. That pack would be lucky to have you. Remember to repeat your mantra when that little voice starts to get loud again. Say it with me…”

“I am worthy of love. I am deserving of everything life has to offer me. I will not let fear or the toxic voices win,” we say in unison.

“You know, I never wanted a pack or even let myself consider it. Then there they were, like Miley on a wrecking ball, smashing right through every argument I had. They gave me hope. Something I haven’t had in a very long time. If ever, really.” I shake my head, a sad smile on my trembling lips. “Then, in a single moment, I ruined everything. I’m not sure we can come back from that.”

“You’re not giving yourself or them enough credit,” JJ insists. “If they love you, they’ll be waiting, exactly like they’ve promised. If not, there are plenty of bulls in the rodeo, darlin’. You’ll find yours and get the future you’ve longed for, whatever that looks like for you.”

Despite the sudden tightness in my chest, I prepare to disclose something I’m not sure I could to anyone else. “So, there’s this thought that’s been whirring through my head for a few days, and I can’t seem to get it to quiet down.”

“You know Dr. Craig would tell you that you should try to grab onto it with both hands. Face it head on and see what it is about that particular thought that has your brain focusing on it.” Ez’s nose scrunches up playfully. “Though I refuse to tell him that I’ve been thinking of him naked. Pretty sure that breaks like…at least a hundred different doctor-patient rules. But your girl’s ready to lose her V-card, and at this point, even a Beta nearly twice my age seems like a decent potential candidate.”

JJ and I chuckle, but I lean into her like we’re sisters sharing a secret. “Trust me when I say, while sex is fucking phenomenal, it’s a million times better when it’s with someone who means something.”

“I know. I know. Don’t worry. I’m not gonna jump the hot doc.” She side-eyes me. “But back to you. Spill.”

I’m chewing on my bottom lip, but the skin is starting to peel so I force myself to knock that shit off. “Pregnancy is a huge trigger for me, but…”

“Hey, this is a judgment-free zone,” JJ murmurs. “You can tell us.”

“The idea of fostering or even adoption is becoming more and more enticing. I’m not sure why I didn’t think of it as a possibility before Dr. Craig casually mentioned it during a session. It was like the lightbulb finally came on, and I could see that there was more than one route to parenthood. Suddenly, the idea that I could have kids without the pregnancy opened up all of these doors I hadn’t considered before. I feel a little silly, honestly. I was adopted, after all, and I’d love to be able to give back to a system that saved me at a time when I needed it the most.”

“I think that’s brave, Elle.” Ez takes my hand in hers. We’re the same age, but she holds a level of wisdom and understanding that goes beyond her twenty-three years. “For what it’s worth, I think you’d make a great mother.”

We sit there on the grassy knoll overlooking the ocean as the sun begins to sneak beneath the horizon. There’s a peace here I’ve never found anywhere else.

Except with the guys, my heart whispers.

JJ grabs my other hand “Me too. I can see it now. Elle with a brood of rambunctious little rugrats. You grinning unrepentantly as your pack chases after them while you holler out orders.”

“Hey now. Let’s not rush ourselves. One might be all that I can handle, and there’s plenty I still want to do before even considering making that leap. It’s just…” I shrug. “The idea of one day being able to fulfill that inherent Omega tug toward motherhood in a way that suits me has kind of settled something inside, ya know? I don’t feel quite as less than as I once did.”

They nod, and a comfortable silence settles over us. It’s almost fully dark by the time we stand and slowly make our way back down the trail that will take us back to the Omega Trauma Center.

“What are you going to do about your parents?” I ask Ez, feeling her stiffen next to me. “Aren’t they supposed to be visiting next week to check on your progress?”

“More like checking to make sure I’m behaving, you mean?” she grumbles.

“Are they still promoting your upcoming tour while explaining your current absence as a well-deserved vacation ?” JJ raises her fingers in classic air quotes fashion.

Ez growls. “Yes. Because heaven forbid Mommy and Daddy’s little paycheck wants to take some time off.”

I shake my head. “Girl, you should just tell them to go fuck themselves. You’re an adult. You can manage your life and your business without their help. You make more than enough to hire an entire team who will listen to what you want and won’t try to dictate your every move.”

Her sigh breaks my heart. “Trust me. I know that, and I’ve considered it on more than one occasion, but at the end of the day, they’re still my parents and they’re all I have. Growing up in the entertainment industry doesn’t really lend itself to lasting friendships or an inner circle you can trust.”

I share a look with JJ, who nods back at me, then I take Ezlyn’s hand the way she took mine earlier. “Well, you have us now. You need us, we’re there. Period.”

“And I’m more than happy to tell your parents they’re as useless as teats on a boar hog.” JJ thickens her accent, making Ez and me giggle. “You just call me up, sugar. I’ve got you.”

“I’m really fucking glad that if I had to be stuck here, it was with the two of you.” Ez squeezes my hand, then grabs JJ’s as we continue our walk back to the center.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like the heavy cloud that’s always hung over my head is shrinking. I can’t wait to talk to West and Cadence. Give them an update and really just hear their voices. We’ve never been out of contact for this long. Another thirty days—sixty at most—and I’ll be returning to real life. Using the journal the guys sent, I’ve started making a list of things I want to do, both personally and professionally, but I’m continuing to shift my priorities around as things progress here.

One thing I haven’t been brave enough to look too closely at is my relationship with the four men who refuse to let me forget them. The lingering question is if, when the time comes, I’ll finally be able to accept their feelings for me without thought or hesitation. There’s a real possibility that a piece of me deep down inside is so broken I’ll never be able to open myself up to the possibility of it. If that’s the case, then I really should let them go. They deserve that much.

I guess only time will tell.