Page 30

I’m standing along the railing, staring out at the Valley spread out before me. Arizona is more beautiful than I ever realized. I just wish I could fully appreciate it.

When we left the island, I changed my flight to head here with the guys. Flint’s been quiet, and I wanted to make sure he was handling everything okay before I returned to Chicago. My heart might be a little battered, but at least I don’t have the hard tug of biology riding me as much as the Alphas do.

Over the last few days, I’ve realized just how important a Beta’s role is within a pack. We’re this calming, neutral presence that can think rationally when those around us are influenced by things outside of their control. Our actions, no matter how small, make a difference.

Cuddling up next to Flint.

Offering to help Raff pack.

Making a drink for Nixon.

All seemingly simple things in the grand scheme of things, but the overall effect is impossible to deny. The clarity comes back into their worried eyes, and the tension eases at least a little. If I can do that for these guys, why wouldn’t I?

Surprisingly, Flint and I are developing a solid foundation despite being in the midst of Elliott’s struggles, and the other Alphas and I are forming connections too. Nixon’s leadership and guidance are admirable, especially the way he cares for his pack and genuinely wants the best for each of them, me included. Rafferty’s sense of humor has been a welcome reprieve in the darkness of the days following Elle’s departure. In the rare moments he managed to drag it out of himself, it was like we could all breathe just a little bit easier for a while.

As much as I want to stay here and continue to be strong for them, I have a life to get back to, though it will look different than it used to. Something tells me there won’t be any more movie nights in my future or casual meet-ups at the corner bar to discuss our hatred of Asshat. But I guess it would’ve looked different regardless. I’ve held her in my arms now. Kissed her sweet lips. Been balls deep inside her to the point where we were as close as two people could get. That would’ve changed things too. I just wish the latter was the new reality I was facing and not a life without my best friend and the woman I love in it.

“You all packed up?” Flint’s voice comes from behind, and I look over my shoulder.

He’s wearing casual shorts and a white tee with flip flops on his feet. With his hands in his pockets, he’s trying to be casual, but the lines creasing the corners of his eyes and the light shadows beneath them tell a different story.

The late summer air is still hot and dry, and I know I’m going to miss it when I’m gone…as much as I’ll miss the man whose gaze is locked on me with worry I can’t miss. These last few days, in the more steady moments, we’ve learned that we share a love of comic books, bonded over a mutual hatred for Tom Cruise, and relished telling each other our favorite memories of times with Elliott. Leaving is going to hurt.

“Yeah. Never unpacked, really.”

He steps up beside me. The quiet is comfortable, but there’s this static charge in the air that tells me this will be anything but a simple goodbye.

“I don’t want you to go,” he whispers, turning until his misery-filled eyes meet mine. “But I know you have to.”

“I just have to put in my request to work remotely. I don’t see there being a problem with that considering Elliott will be doing the same thing. Then I’ll be back and we can figure out where things go from there.”

He nods, never looking away. “If you see her?—”

“I’ve already told West and Cadence that I need to see her. I just need to lay eyes on her and confirm for myself she’s okay. They reluctantly agreed to take me there. Anything beyond that, I can’t promise. One thing about Elliott Mitchell… She’s unpredictable on an average day, and probably more so now with everything that’s happening.”

West and Cadence filled us in on Elle’s plan to check herself into a therapy center and the fact that it could be months before we hear from her. Apparently, she more than likely won’t be allowed verbal contact with us as she goes through treatment. She needs to disconnect with everything in order to truly reconnect with herself.

Part of me gets it, but there’s this other part that keeps one thought circling around and around in my head. I’m ashamed of myself for even thinking it.

If she gets help and puts everything behind her, does that mean we’ll get relegated to past tense too?

“Hey, I know this hasn’t been easy on you either. We all appreciate the way you’ve stepped up and taken care of us while we floundered. I just…” His shrug is full of resignation.

“Trust me. If I get the chance, I’ll make sure she knows how we all feel, Flint. You can count on that.” Turning, I step closer, and he mirrors my movement. “I still want to be part of this pack, no matter what happens. You hear me?”

His hand comes up, cradling the side of my face. “Good. Because I don’t want to lose you too.”

When he leans in and kisses me, it feels different. More powerful, somehow. Like he’s imprinting a piece of himself onto me that will help get me through the trying times ahead, and there are no doubts in my mind that there’ll be plenty.

Our kiss drags on, so different from anything I’ve shared with Elle. Firmer, more aggressive than the usual soft supplication I’ve become accustomed to in such a short time. But I like the more solid feel of him against me, especially when he growls softly as he reluctantly pulls back. We’re both breathing hard, his Alpha pheromones swirling through the light breeze around us. We’ve kept things pretty hands-off since Elliott left, and having this reassurance that things haven’t changed for him even though she’s out of the picture solidifies my resolve to get back here to him.

“C’mon. I’m driving you all to the airport.”

In minutes, the car is loaded, the soft hum of conversation from West and Ziggy, along with Cadence and Gabe in the back, making it easy to tune out and focus on the encounter I’m both desperate for and terrified of at the same time.

Flint’s hand holds mine the entire ride, and we share a quick kiss before I’m walking away from him, my soul feeling emptier than it has in a very long time. Luckily, the flight is painless, the girls having arranged everything from the first-class tickets to the luxury car that takes us straight to Elliott’s apartment.

She arrived in Chicago about two hours before we did, and nerves fire up in my belly as the car pulls up to the curb. West and Cadence tell their Betas goodbye as we all walk through the front door of Elliott’s building. They’ll drop my luggage off at my apartment for me, then head over to West’s penthouse to wait for the girls. Meanwhile, we bypass the front desk, where the staff waves at us since we’re all familiar faces. When we reach the elevators, we all step inside, the heavy metal doors sliding shut in front of us.

“You ready for this, Sy?” West asks softly.

“I think so, yeah.”

“None of us have ever experienced Elliott like this, so we can’t prepare you for what you’re about to find in there. Just be patient with her, okay?” Cadence eyes me, worry streaking across her features.

“Patience isn’t something I’ve ever struggled with where she’s concerned. Why would it be an issue now?”

One of West’s perfect brows arches dramatically high. “You weren’t with her before. There's a new layer to your relationship that changes things, and trust me when I say there are few things worse than hearing one of the people you love tell you that they don’t want you. Makes you want to do stupid shit.”

My exhale is harsh because she’s right. I can already feel the need to shake some sense into her rising inside me, but that’s not what this is about.

Tell her that things haven’t changed, that you and the guys will be here waiting for her, no matter how long it takes.

I repeat the mantra over and over in my head, praying I don’t forget basic English the second I lay eyes on her.

The doors suddenly open, and we’re standing in the modest foyer outside of Elle’s apartment. There are only two other doors here, and luckily her neighbors rarely meddle in her business. West and Cadence stalk up to the door, ringing the doorbell camera. For a brief moment, I wonder if she’ll ignore it if she catches sight of me, but then the black wood swings open. The girls all share somber greetings, and when they step inside, I catch my first glimpse of Elliott.

She looks so small, wearing the pair of ratty sweats I always give her shit for and an oversized Phoenix Heat t-shirt that’s practically threadbare. Her face is sans makeup, her hair pulled into a messy knot on the top of her head, but it’s her eyes that almost break down my resolve not to make any rash moves. They’re red-rimmed and puffy, with dark bags that mar the otherwise complete perfection of her face. She looks exhausted and utterly drained.

“Sy?”

“We’re just gonna…leave you two alone for a moment,” West calls out, already heading for the extra bedroom that’s set up as an office and library.

Elle glares at the girls before turning back to me with a wary expression on her face. It breaks my heart to see that look aimed my way.

“What are you doing here?” she asks, knuckles practically white as her hands anxiously grip each other.

“I just needed to see you before you leave.”

“Well, you’ve seen me, and I’m perfectly okay, so?—”

I glower at her. “Elliott, you’ve never lied to me before. Why start now?”

“I mean, I lied about a lot of things actually.”

“You know what I mean,” I say, chiding her like she’s a child. Shaking my head, I run my hand through my hair, pushing my glasses up out of habit. When I turn back to her, I pray she can see the well of emotion I’m struggling to fight back. “Look, the girls told us you’re going away for a couple of months. You know I’m here for you, right? We all are. This thing between all of us? It’s not over.”

She’s shaking her head before I even finish, green eyes wide and glassy. “How can you say that? You saw what happened. How I acted. I?—”

I take a step forward without thinking, and she stumbles back, arms crossing over her belly. My heart aches for her. I just want to scoop her up into my arms and hold her so tightly she has no choice but to feel just how much I love her, but she won’t allow that. Not now. Maybe not ever again.

“Please, Elle. It’s me. Just…” I inhale sharply, releasing the breath in a broken sigh. “Let me in.”

Her scent has soured, a harsh bite to it that I’m not used to. I watch in resignation as her shoulders straighten and her hands clench into shaking fists at her sides. But it’s her eyes that tell me I’m not going to like what she’s about to say.

“I need you to understand that I have to do this for me . I never want anyone else to see me as broken and beaten down as I was that night.” Her lip trembles, but she battles through it. “You are still one of my closest friends, not to mention my assistant, so I’ve gotten approval to communicate with you through email so I can keep up on the column. But it needs to stay as solely that for now…possibly forever. I can’t promise anything more.”

I’ve been demoted back to the friend-zone, and while my heart is shattered, my brain understands that this is what needs to happen. She has to build those walls back up to protect herself. It’s the not knowing if I’ll ever see beyond them again that’s killing me.

As much as she needs this, there’s something I need as well.

“I just have one request.”

“What is it?”

“Let me just hold you for a second. You’re doing what you have to do for yourself, which I can respect, but I’m going to be selfish and ask this of you…for me .”

“Sy—”

“Friends hug, Elliott.”

“But—”

“Please?” I whisper.

Big eyes study me, and just when I’m pretty sure she’s going to deny me, she gives me a tiny nod. I take the opening before she can rethink it, stepping into her space and watching the pulse pound in her throat. Unsteady hands slide around her, pulling her into my chest. She’s stiff as a board at first, but I don’t let go. I rest my cheek on the top of her head, clinging to her like she’s my lifeline. Slowly, her body melts into me, delicate arms wrapping around my middle. We stand there like that, me inhaling every breath of her scent she’ll allow in order to shore me up for the days and weeks ahead.

One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was pull myself away from her, but I manage to step back enough to give her breathing room. There’s a tear trailing down her cheek, and I take a risk and swipe it away. She doesn’t stop me.

“Take care of yourself, you hear me?” I murmur, voice husky as my entire being balks at knowing what we have to do next.

She nods, another tear falling. “I will.”

“I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Okay.” She mouths the word more than anything, but I see it.

I see her . The woman I love is defeated, and I have to believe that this is what’s best for her, or I’ll never be able to walk away.

I catch sight of West and Cadence at the end of the hall, their sadness hitting me where I’m already weak. I give them a brief nod, then do the one thing I would give anything to avoid.

I turn and walk out the door without another word, though there are many fighting to escape.