Page 29
Five fucking days of gut wrenching torture. I have no idea how any Omega handles that shit. And, as much as I’m loath to admit it, after about twenty-four hours, I finally relented and took advantage of the heat toys I found tucked away in one of the drawers. Without the fake knots, I’m pretty sure it would’ve gone on even longer.
Stepping out into the warm, tropical air, it feels good to finally breathe in the scents of the ocean and not just my thick perfume. I’m showered, dressed—thanks to the simple pair of sleep clothes offered in the heat suite—and feeling mostly normal. Exhausted but normal. Thank god.
Minus the broken heart, that is.
The guys are gone. They left my suitcase at the Hacienda, along with a note for me, but I’m not sure I’ll be brave enough to read it. When I could finally think clearly, I reached out to Ikaia, who informed me that they vacated the villa a day and a half after my abrupt departure. There was apparently a lot of growling and protest, but they relented under threat of a call to security. I guess it helps to know that they didn’t eagerly pick up and leave me here—not that I would have expected them to stay after everything that happened the last time we saw each other.
Five days alone with your pain and heartache will do weird things to your head. I kept replaying the looks on their faces, the devastation, fear, and frustration. Whatever we managed to build in those few short days, I demolished into teeny tiny irreparable pieces. There’s no coming back from that. Even if they say they want to try.
The pain in my heart increases tenfold. Those small voices in my mind have been unusually silent since the heat fog cleared. I’m pretty sure we’re all embarrassed of ourselves.
Making my way down to the office, it’s hard not to look around and see little reminders of our brief time here. If anything, those memories will get me through the coming months that I’ll face alone.
When I enter, Ikaia offers me a hesitant smile from his post behind the desk. “Good to see you well, Ms. Mitchell.”
“Thanks, Ikaia. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I just need to collect my bag so I can make my flight.”
“Of course. I’ve also got the note here from the other occupants of the villa.” He hands me an envelope with my name written in Sy’s messy scrawl. I stare down at it for a few moments, guilt clogging my throat. Then he hands me my cell phone. “And a message from West Carter to call her as soon as you surface. I’ll go grab your luggage and be right back.”
My belly flips. That’s one phone call I’m not looking forward to.
Time to face the firing squad, Mitchell.
Walking past the large floor-to-ceiling windows, I step out the side door onto a small seating alcove that’s tucked away in a tiny courtyard and tap the button for West. I hold my breath as it rings once, then twice, hoping the view of the tropical paradise around me might calm even the tiniest bit of my nerves.
“Elliott?” West’s worried voice hits my ears, and I immediately feel the tears I usually refuse to shed threatening to make an appearance.
“It’s me. I’m sorry if I worried you. I?—”
“Just tell me you’re okay. That’s all we care about.”
I’m not brave enough to ask her who exactly the we is in that statement.
“I’m okay. It was a rough five days, but it’s finally passed. I’ll be heading home shortly.”
“Cadence and I talked. We’d like to meet you in Chicago if that’s okay with you.”
She’s being so gentle with me, and I hate it. I can hear the pity in her tone and know that one of the guys has already filled her in on just how much of a train wreck I am. The girls will never look at me the same way. I’ll always be the broken friend. The one who can’t even handle a heat without losing her shit.
Some fucking Omega I am.
“West, I don’t think?—”
“Elliott, listen to me. I know what you’re going to say, and it’s all bullshit, okay?”
I stare out at the swaying palms, stunned and speechless. So much for her being gentle with me.
“I just think I need a little time to?—”
“Absolutely not, Mitchell.” Cadence is suddenly on the line, her no-nonsense tone telling me I’m so fucking screwed. “We are your friends, and we care about you. So do those men you scared half to death when you ran off alone and in heat. They’ve been a nervous fucking wreck ever since they got back here.”
“I’m sorry.” It’s such a lame thing to say, but I’ve got nothing else.
“The fact that those words even came from Elliott Mitchell’s mouth tells me all I need to know,” West quips. “You need us, baby girl. Just admit it so we can move things along.”
“I…” I could lie and tell her I’m totally fine, but the dam I’d started to rebuild as the heat faded away is weak at best. There are already cracks for my messy emotions to leak through. “I really fucked up, girls.”
My voice is so low, I’m not even entirely sure they heard me.
“You did, and that’s okay, Elle. Turns out you’re human after all, just like the rest of us,” Cadence jokes, lightening the tension buzzing across the line, though it does little for my nerves.
“You should also know that Sy found your Heat Curative under the vanity sink in the bathroom. He said something about your bag getting knocked over?”
West’s words stall in my brain, setting off a chain reaction that I’m helpless to stop. The flush works its way up my throat and onto my cheeks as my eyes fill with tears that spill over like waterfalls. It’s embarrassment and guilt and regret and a whole slew of other emotions that assault me all at once. I can barely breathe, my lungs struggling to pull in oxygen.
In my panicked state, I almost accused them of sabotaging me.
“Elle, we’re right here. You’re not alone,” West murmurs.
Words spew from my lips, low and quick, like if I can just say them fast enough, it will hurt less. All the years of lies about my heats, the fear of turning out like my mom, the terror I felt when I realized there would be no stopping it this time, the panic at the thought of the guys realizing just how broken I was, and the reluctant acceptance of having to let them go because why in the hell should they ever have to put up with the mess that is me.
“I need you to know one thing, Elle.” Cadence’s voice wavers. “You are worth everything . Do you hear me? You are a good friend, a loyal confidant, a strong and fiercely independent woman who has managed to make a name for herself despite the shit her past threw at her.”
“You need to own that shit and wear it like a goddamn badge of honor because you survived ,” West commands, her voice cracking. The broken part of my soul listens because these girls own the other half of it. “Know that you’re loved for exactly who you are. We love your grit and your determination and how you bust everyone’s balls.”
“But that love isn’t reserved just for the good parts. We love the harsh parts too.”
West agrees with a wobbly hum. “We love you even if you're not perfect, even when you make mistakes because you’ve loved us through all of that too. Nothing will change how we feel about you. Ever.”
I’m openly sobbing now, thankful I decided to step outside for this conversation because I’ve been embarrassed enough lately to last me a lifetime.
It feels good, I realize, to have my darkest secrets thrust into the light of day where suddenly they don’t seem so scary. To not have to carry them on my own anymore because I’ve got people I trust who are willing to shoulder the weight with me. I’ve always said that I’m smart enough to recognize and own my flaws, but I also take pride in being honest with myself. It’s time I apply that to my insecurities involving my past and start working through the trauma that’s followed me like a black cloud my entire life.
“I love you both so fucking much. I… Well, I think I might need to seek out some professional help and deal with these issues once and for all if I ever want to have a chance at a normal life. And, ultimately, that’s what I really do want. This was by far the worst episode I’ve ever had, and I can’t go through this again.”
“I think that’s the brave thing to do, Elle. West and I will meet you in Chicago. There are a few really good Omega Centers that specialize in Omega trauma. It’s not a quick process. Most require a minimum commitment of sixty days of in-patient therapy, if not more. We’ll help you find one that feels right and handle anything else you need while we’re there.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, sucking in a ragged breath.
“I also need to be honest with you,” West begins, her tone telling me I’m not going to like what she’s about to say next. “Nixon and his pack care for you, deeply, Elle. I’d like permission to give them updates so they’re not killing themselves with worry when you’re MIA again.”
I start to object, then take a deep breath in and exhale the panic that flares in my chest. They’ve already seen me at my worst. If this can give them a little peace of mind, then what’s the hurt in it? I know I’d be going out of my mind if the situation was reversed and they had vanished beyond my reach.
Pull up your big girl panties, Elliott. Be the mature, intelligent woman you claim to be and give them this.
“Okay.”
“Did you record that?” West snarks, then Cadence’s light chuckle echoes down the line.
I roll my eyes, but the smallest grin tugs at the corner of my mouth as a tear drips down my chin. “Yeah, yeah, live it up, bitches.”
“One more thing, then we’ll let you go so you can catch your flight.”
I sigh. I love West, but she’s killing me right now.
“I’ll take that sigh as an okay to proceed. Talk to Sy. That poor man is struggling without you.”
My eyes fill again, but she’s right. Not only is he included in the short list of people I let into my life, but he’s been beside me every day for damn near a whole year. He’s put up with a lot, and he deserves to hear from me personally.
“Is he…um…”
“Yes. He’s currently here with the pack, but he’s catching a flight with us back to Chicago. Talk to him, please? Even if it’s just a phone call. Something, okay?”
I sniffle. Part of my heart is happy that he isn’t alone, but the other is afraid he might be moving on without me.
“He loves you, Elliott. Just like we do,” Cadence insists.
“I know. I just don’t know what to say to him.”
“You’ll figure it out,” West assures me.
“Hey, I need to go or I’ll miss my plane.”
“Okay. We love you, Ellie Bellie.”
“See you soon,” Cadence adds.
“I love you too.”
We end the call, and while my heart feels a little lighter, there’s still plenty of heaviness hanging round my shoulders. I fix my sights on the light in the midst of all this darkness.
I have a plan, and I’m taking the steps to finally face the things that have been tormenting me for years.
I’ll either come out a whole person on the other side or die trying.
Table of Contents
- Page 1
- Page 2
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- Page 9
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- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 29 (Reading here)
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 39