Page 14

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

An attractive Alpha gets you off in one of the hottest goddamn moments of your life, and you run because he says a couple silly little words?

Flint’s I’m yours echoes through my head again, and that same panic rushes through my blood.

Get a fucking grip, Elliott .

Closing the door to the Omega suite behind me, I lean against it, letting my head fall back with a hard thunk. The pain does little to ease the guilt erupting in my heart. Why do I do this? Why can’t I just let myself fall into something that’s so clearly right it couldn’t possibly be wrong?

Because your past has fucked you up and left you with scars that are too deep to repair.

A hot tear trails down my cheek. I don’t fucking cry, ever , but no matter how hard I try to stem the flow, it refuses to be contained. The first hiccup of a sob escapes, and I rush toward the bathroom, undressing as I go until I’m stepping into the enclosed glass shower. The stream of cold water has me sucking back a shocked gasp.

I need to feel something other than the despair that’s slithering under my skin. Need to feel something more than the ache in my chest that’s threatening to send me crashing to my knees. This is why I’ve refused to put myself in a position like this. Why I’ve avoided Alphas and the messy emotions they invoke. But ignoring these Alphas specifically—hell, even my Beta—is like a knife in my heart that, with each interaction, twists a little deeper, sending searing pain through every nerve ending in my body.

My instincts are crying out for them even though my brain is refusing to remove the barriers it’s carefully constructed to save me from future heartbreak. I’m so fucking broken. How can they continue to want me with all the shit I put them through?

As the water slowly begins to warm, the slightest fissure begins to form in the fortified barrier I’ve kept erected my entire life. The doubts and fears and insecurities flood through me, and for once I feel each and every one as my tears flow faster. I don’t ignore them or stuff them back in the box where they’re usually forced to reside. I let the crushing agony of my past explode out of the destroyed little girl that’s as much a part of me now as she was all those years ago.

It’s not healthy—this incredible well of hurt that remains tucked away inside. I’m old enough and intelligent enough to know that, but I’m also not sure how to make it all go away.

The Alpha said they’d help you work through it, my conscience whispers.

But will they still want you when they learn just how deeply you’re damaged? my brain asks.

As another tear falls, I suck in a ragged breath then exhale the last of my distress. It’s time I do something I’ve never been brave enough to do. I ask my heart what she thinks.

I want to give them the benefit of the doubt. Want to take that leap and see if West is right. That they’re worth the risk and possible future pain.

Then that’s what we’ll do.

Stepping under the showerhead, the hot water rushes over my face, erasing the evidence of my breakdown. I let it wash away the residual emotions clinging to me like a second skin and analyze what the fuck this all means.

Everyone thinks that Elliott Mitchell is in control and so self-assured that she always has her shit together. Ha! That couldn’t be further from the truth. Maybe, though, with the courage that I usually only pretend to possess, I could give them a chance. Test the boundaries I’ve so carefully outlined and see if maybe stepping outside of them wouldn’t be as terrifying as I’ve always expected it would be.

For once in my life, I can actually be brave, rather than just faking it.

My best friends' faces flash through my mind. I wish I could call them, get their support and their love, because I’ve never been as scared as I am at this moment in my entire life. Then I remember they’re always with me, even when they’re not physically here, and that soothes my soul just enough that I begin to think clearly again.

“You can do this, Elliott. Baby steps.”

Reaching forward, I shut off the water and grab my towel. My mind is whirling with all of these thoughts I’m not sure how to contain. On autopilot, I run the soft terry cloth over my body and hair, then wrap it around me and step out of the shower.

The emotional turmoil has me a little lightheaded, so I step through the bathroom door intent on plopping my ass down in the comfy corner chair to just process for a minute, but I come up short when I see the man sitting at the end of my bed.

Sy’s eyes trail up my body from my toes to my head, and goosebumps break out along my skin like his gaze is a physical caress.

“What are you doing in here?” I ask, my voice little more than a rasp.

He swallows, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Sorry. I was just so damn worried about you that I needed to see for myself you were okay.”

My heart thumps painfully.

“As good as new,” I quip, just not as effectively as I had hoped.

His hazel eyes narrow on my face. “Then want to explain why I heard you crying in there?”

My swift intake of breath is loud in the otherwise silent room.

“You don’t hide shit from me, Elle. Why start now?”

I open my mouth, ready with some smart ass remark because that’s my go-to response. Except I’m trying to be brave, I remind myself, so I square my shoulders.

“I’m scared,” I say softly, my fingers worrying the edge of the towel. “I’ve been closed off for a long time, and letting you all in feels very overwhelming. I get frustrated with myself when it doesn’t come as easily as it would if I were anyone else.”

He silently studies me for long seconds. This nervous energy bubbles up inside, begging me to fill the space with words that would ultimately be verbal diarrhea, so I just keep my lips locked tight.

When he stands, there’s a look flashing across his strong features that I can’t quite name. He stops inches away from me, the tang of cranberry and orange making my mouth water, and lifts his hand to brush a wet clump of hair behind my ear before trailing it along my jaw. A drop of water slips from the ends, running over my collarbone and down the curve of my breast before disappearing beneath my towel. His eyes trace its route, his nostrils flaring until he finally returns his gaze to my face.

“If you were anyone else, I can guarantee we wouldn’t want you with the same all-consuming need that fires up in our blood each and every time you grace us with your presence.”

My lips part, shock and desire exploding through me with a force that’s hard to contain. My best friend just admitted that he fucking needs me, and I’m struggling to wrap my brain around that.

“Say something, Elle. I just… I figured it was time I was honest with you.” His thumb brushes along my lower lip, sending tingles all the way down to my now soaking pussy, which has nothing to do with the shower and everything to do with the man who just took a wrecking ball to my metaphorical walls. “Don’t shut me out again. Please. ”

That last word is a whisper, nearly decimating me with its urgency.

“You want me?” I rasp.

The corner of his lips quirk up. “Are you kidding? How could I not?”

Holy fucking revelations. I’m not sure my exhausted system can take many more of these today. Our agreement still stands, and I wouldn’t rescind it if the fate of the world depended on it, but now that I’ve come to terms with giving the pack a chance, where does that leave us ?

“But what about the Alphas?”

“They want you too, and I’m okay with that.”

Something else sparks in his eyes, and my lips purse. Lifting my finger, I circle it around his face. “And…what was that?”

His expression shutters. “What was what ?”

Now, it’s my eyes that narrow as I close the scant distance between us. “What else have you been keeping from me, bestie ?”

His Adam’s apple bobs. “I might… That is to say, there could be…um…”

“Wow, Sy. You only stutter when you’re really nervous. This must be big.”

His breath fans across my face as he sighs. “You’re not the only one struggling with your attraction to an Alpha.”

My eyebrows damn near shoot to my hairline. My Beta has the hots for one of the sexy Alphas? I take a second to let the thought settle in my brain, and I find I’m surprisingly unfazed by the admission. No, I’m actually one-hundred-percent curious, and my vagina is more than a little turned on at the thought of having one of the Alphas with a side of Beta.

“Oh?” I hum, deciding to give the part of myself that I never shy away from the freedom she’s begging for, considering the heat that’s now arcing between us. This is what I’m comfortable with, what I’m used to, even though it’s not something I’m used to with him . My fingertips skim up his belly, my eyes following them as they scorch a trail up to his pecs. “And which one of those hunky Alphas has you all hot and bothered?”

He shakes his head. “I’d never do that to you, Elle. They’ve got it bad for you, and even though he said?—”

I lean up on my tiptoes, putting our lips a mere breath apart as my hand rests flat against his muscled chest. Now that I’ve unleashed the she-beast, it’s a little hard to think with a clear head. “What did he say to have you so flustered right now, Sy?”

Strong hands land on my waist, and I can’t tell if he’s trying to hold me back or pull me closer. Either way, my body damn near sings with the simple contact.

“Flint won’t make a move until he knows where you stand with them.”

Flint. The Alpha who made me come in the surf and woke up something inside me I didn’t think was possible—the determination to give them a chance. Well, if this isn’t a delightfully wicked surprise.

Sex has always been easy for me. It’s where I flourish and find the slightest remnants of peace in the chaos of my trauma. Odd, considering it’s also the leading cause for what I fear the most. For me, it’s always a challenge, a test to see if I’m able to keep the emotion out of it, making it almost clinical in nature in order to ease the simple ache that appears on occasion.

This, however, is anything but simple. Just like with Flint or the other Alphas, the closer I get to Sy, the more things I feel , which makes this just as potentially messy as getting involved with the pack. But with my words from last night ringing through my head, I swallow down the rising apprehension and just give in to the sensation fluttering in my chest.

“And if I said I was willing to give them a chance, would you do the same?”

“I…” His fingers flinch against my hips. “Yeah, I think I would. I just don’t want anything to come between the two of us. You’re too important to me, and I?—”

My lips press into his, stopping anything else from slipping out, along with the panic that would inevitably ensue. I might be willing to open myself up, but that doesn’t mean my past isn’t there, ready with warning signs and red flags if things get too real.

He makes this guttural sound in his throat, his hands moving around to my lower back until he crushes me against his chest. The kiss goes from sweet to incendiary in a blink. His tongue sweeps into my mouth, sliding against mine and marking it with his sweet flavor. My hands are fisted in the front of his shirt, hanging on for dear life, as his sensual assault nearly has me begging him to bend me over the end of the bed and fuck me until the Alphas hear me scream his name.

Unfortunately, he has other plans. He abruptly pulls back, his forehead landing on mine. Lost in him, our labored breaths are the only sound I can hear.

“I want you so damn bad,” he murmurs.

“So take me then.”

His groan is full of the same need swimming in my veins.

“Not yet. I’ve got plans, and I don’t want to fuck them up because I can’t control my goddamn hormones like some horny teenage boy.”

There’s only one thought racing through my mind. “Plans?”

His smirk nearly sets my towel on fire, and I wouldn’t even really be mad at that.

“Patience, Mitchell.”

A tiny, pathetic whimper escapes.

The bastard just grins. “Why don’t you get ready and go downstairs? You don’t function well when you’re hangry, and the guys are prepping some food for you.”

My bottom lip juts out in a pout that should be embarrassing, but I can’t find it in me to care. “You’re just going to shove me right into the deep end without a floatie, aren’t you?”

“Sink or swim, baby.” He drops a kiss on my nose, then reluctantly pulls back, letting his hands fall from my body. “Now, go before I change my mind. I’ll be down shortly.”

I turn, starting to head back into the bathroom before I glance over my shoulder.

“Hey, Sy?”

His eyes rise from where they were locked on my ass. “Yeah?”

Be brave , I repeat in my head.

“You’re important to me too. Flint would be damned lucky to have you.”

I walk away, my steps a little lighter despite the insecurities threatening to drown me. The rest of this week is going to be like a hurricane, threatening to drag me into the fury of its path. Hopefully, I’m strong enough to weather the storm.