Page 18 of She’s a Big Deal

Grace held onto the sink with both hands and slowly counted to ten in her head. And again. One, two, three... Breathe. Four, five, six… Blood in the snow. Strange how she struggled to remember other things, yet could always recall that one detail so vividly. Maybe it was because the drops of blood had been in such stark contrast with the purity of the snow. Brilliant white and vibrant red. Beautiful. And a deadly sign too. Her throat constricted. Her chest tightened. She felt like choking. Dammit. Breathe! She did and splashed ice-cold water over her face. That helped. Then she sat on the floor and focused on clearing her head completely. She was good at that. Meditation had been a lifesaver at one point in her life. Slowly, her peace returned. And even more importantly, her control. After a couple more minutes, a discreet knock on the door made her look up.

“Grace? Look, I’ll leave you alone if you want, but first, tell me you’re okay in there. Please.”

Catching real concern in Olivia’s voice, Grace scrambled to stand up and she opened the door. “Hey.”

“Hey…” Olivia studied her face intently for a few seconds before flashing a relieved smile. “You’re okay.”

“Yes.” Grace nodded. “All good now. ”

When Olivia reached for her, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. When she pulled her into a warm embrace, Grace let it happen. And not just that, but she allowed herself to be held. There was a huge difference between simply accepting a hug politely, remotely, and sinking deep into a woman’s arms. Grace gave herself permission to do that now. Today they had been caught in a storm, side-tracked, delayed… A quote from Stephen King popped into her head. “I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses.”

Not that Grace expected demon clowns to come knocking on the door any time soon; the two guys out there had been enough of a horror show. But the evening still struck her as a significant detour off her own track. An annoying disruption, or a gift, depending on which way she chose to look at it. For sure, it was a chance to spend alone time with a woman she found more attractive and enticing with every minute that she was in her company. Not her type, certainly… However, this had very little to do with usual lesbian stereotypes. Butch looked good on Olivia Bianchi. Outstanding. Grace’s kind just happened to be the ones she paid for, women who delivered what she asked for without requiring a lick of personal involvement in return. No emotions. No feelings. No complications. Easy. And Grace was always in control of these interactions. She decided what happened, when, where, and how. But today, decisions had not been hers to make. A well-timed storm, a convenient location... Only one remaining room at the only motel in town. One bed. And no escape. Not that Grace wanted to. And though the thought was startling, and made her head spin, she perhaps would not mind Olivia Bianchi being in charge of some of the decisions for a while. Like delivering a hug that made her want to close her eyes, and rest there for a long time .

“Here,” Olivia said after a while. “For you.”

“Thanks.” Grace took the bottle of water she offered. They sat at the end of the bed, side by side. Close. “Sorry about this, Olivia.”

“This?”

“Drama,” Grace shrugged.

“Ah.” Olivia seemed amused at her choice of words. “You don’t give yourself much slack, do you?”

Grace simply ignored that. “How are you feeling?”

“Much better now that I can see you are too.” Olivia clasped her free hand in hers and laced their fingers together. Again, so natural and easy. “Hey, Grace?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“What for?”

“Getting us out of a nasty situation tonight.”

Grace heard herself sharing stuff she never did. The words just came out of her mouth. “There was another time like this, you know? Many years ago, when I failed to do that.”

She glanced at her and found Olivia smiling back with eyes full of warmth and understanding. “I thought it might be something like that, yes.”

“How?”

“Your reaction… I didn’t think it was because you felt bad about breaking that guy’s finger.”

“No. And I didn’t break it, actually. Just pulled the joint out of alignment. Dislocated it.”

“Oh?” Olivia frowned in quick wonder. “I thought it must have snapped in several places from the way he screamed and carried on.” The frown eased into a more contemptuous chuckle. “ Wimp.”

“Yeah.” It was defiantly sexy, the way she said that.

“I must admit I was a little scared, though. You know?”

“At least you didn’t look it. So, good for you. They would have fed on it otherwise. Like beasts.”

“Not scared of them,” Olivia corrected, prompting Grace to narrow her eyes at her sharply. “And scared is probably a bit too strong a word, anyway. But I worried when I saw how furious you were, and realized you probably had the skills to hurt them both really bad.”

“I do. I could have.”

“Hmm. It looked like you almost wanted him to make the first move. To give you an excuse to beat the shit out of him.”

She was not wrong. Olivia wanted to know, which was fair enough, and Grace forced herself to admit it.

“I had a moment. It reminded me...” She lost the thread and stared with unfocused eyes across the room. Pristine white snow and darkening drops of blood. The strange metallic taste of it on her tongue. Rough knuckles smashing into her face. How’d you like that, bitch? Hold her down, guys!

“Grace.” When she shuddered, Olivia wrapped a steadying arm around her shoulders. Once again, bringing her back from the edge. “You know what?” she prompted.

“What?” Grace mumbled.

“I think you should tell me.”

◆◆◆

“I’d been seeing this girl in secret. We were both seventeen and dead serious about the relationship. The plan was to go travel for a year, then move to New York and make it big. Me as a dancer, Miriam as a novelist. She was a fantastic writer. ”

Olivia noted her use of the past tense. She grew a little tense but did not interrupt.

“We met on Christmas Eve to exchange presents. In Red Falls, in the park on Grandy Street. You know where that is?”

“Yes, I walk the dogs there often.”

“Mm. We expected to be alone there, but a guy Miriam had turned down several times when he asked her out showed up with his buddies. They’d been drinking, and they started having a go. The same way those guys started with us tonight.”

No wonder she’d reacted. Olivia could already tell this was going to be bad.

“When he tried to grab hold of Miri, I stepped in to defend her. One of the guys punched me in the face. They went for me aggressively. Believe it or not, Olivia, but I was the more butch of the two at the time. That set them off.”

“I can believe it.” Olivia nodded, prompting a faint smile from Grace.

“I told her to run. To get help. No cell phones in those days, you see.” Grace’s eyes darkened. “But she didn’t, bless her. She tried to defend me. To this day, I still don’t know which one of the men delivered the fatal blow. But they must have realized something had gone seriously wrong because, suddenly, they all legged it down the field. Miriam was lying on her back. They’d broken her glasses. Knocked them off her face. She lay with her eyes open, staring at the sky.”

Olivia exhaled. “Christ. Grace.”

“I shook her. Yelled at her to respond. I thought I knew she wasn’t just unconscious, but… I picked her up and headed to the nearest house. I don’t remember anything else after that. I woke up in the hospital two days later.”

“How badly were you hurt? ”

“I had a skull fracture, smashed ribs, a broken arm. Miriam, she didn’t make it. Charlie was the one to tell me. She was there when I first opened my eyes... And every time after. She ate and showered at the hospital the whole time I was there to be with me.”

“What about your parents? Didn’t they come to see you?”

“Yeah. Once.” Grace curled her lip, though she looked more resigned than bitter now. “They asked if the rumors that I’d been fooling around with a girl were true.”

“Fooling around?”

“Yeah, that’s how they put it. And they made it clear they expected me to deny everything.”

“Why?”

“Damage control. Having a lesbian daughter just would not do for them. Of course, I wouldn’t deny it. I told the truth, that I was in love with Miriam. So, they cut me off.”

Olivia could not have said which part of the story shocked her the most. The attack, the aftermath, the consequences... All of it was horrendous. It sickened her.

“Grace, I am so sorry.” She clasped her right hand in both of hers. Tight. “And about tonight, too.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“What happened after…” Olivia left it vague.

“After,” Grace nodded. She stood up and rolled her shoulders. “A bunch of arrests were made. Two of the guys were sentenced to life without parole. Charlie took me in. My body healed. I did go to New York, and become a dancer. I, uhm… I’ve never told anyone this story before.”

Olivia stood up as well, that last sentence scrambling all the wires in her brain.

“Never?” she murmured.

“No. I’m a very private person, you know?” A flash of color flooded back into Grace’s face as she turned to caress her cheek with a folded knuckle.

“Yes, I know.” Olivia nodded.

“But you’re special.”

“You said I wasn’t your type.”

“Maybe I was wrong about that.” Grace smiled in wonder, as if this did not happen to her very often, and leaned in to brush her lips over hers. Such a feather-light kiss… And yet it carried such weight. “What about you, Olivia?”

“Me?”

Grace held her chin, the smile turning gentle as she looked deep into her eyes. “A woman broke your heart. I can tell.”

“Well… Kind of, but I think I broke my own.”

“What do you mean?”

“Imagining a love story that wasn’t there. Holding on to it despite all the signs.” She winced, the truth of it suddenly crystal clear. “I won’t make that same mistake again.”

Grace looked like she may have been about to say something else but then didn’t. She just stared a bit harder, clearly hesitating, so Olivia stepped even closer.

“You won’t hurt me, Grace.” She did not quite dare to kiss her back. Not yet. But… Soon. “Trust me.” Olivia laid her fingers on the side of her neck and found blood racing under deliciously smooth skin. She did not try to hide her own shiver. “I want you, Grace.”

Now she did kiss her back. She made it slow but still intent. She wanted to kiss all that caution away. Now. Yes. Right now, dammit!

“Grace…”

“Yes.” Grace snapped the word in an almost growl .

Then laid a commanding hand on the back of her neck and took her mouth with bruising intensity. Oh, God! No hesitation. No holding back. The kiss was hot and fierce. Olivia wrapped her arms around her neck, fusing their bodies together. Apparently not satisfied until she had her pressed against the wall, Grace pushed until they were there. Heated tongues meshed together and danced. Grace cupped her jaw with her free hand, tilting her head back and slightly to the side, directing the kiss the way she wanted it. That she was in charge and liked to be, was blatantly obvious. Olivia shivered in arousal, amazed to discover how much this sort of thing turned her on. And this was before Grace took her wrists and raised them above her head. Pinning her in place. Fuck!

“Look at you. So gorgeous.” She flashed a brilliant smile as she pressed her leg between hers, then swallowed Olivia’s moan with another deep possessive kiss.

“Let me touch you, Grace.”

“No.” The word, delivered with such a smug and sizzling look, almost knocked Olivia’s legs out from under her. “Later, I will. But for now, we’re going to do it my way. Okay with you?”

Olivia could barely speak. ‘O-okay.”

“Good. Stay still.”

Grace held her wrists in a single hand while she brought the other one back to her face. Cupping her cheek gently, she traced her thumb infinitely slowly over her parted lips. The gesture was surprisingly, deliciously tender in contrast to their earlier kiss. It elicited a sigh from Olivia. Her eyelids fluttered. Grace rumbled with what sounded like utter satisfaction.

“Eyes on me, darling.”

Olivia blinked sharply and re-focused. Did she just click her fingers at me? Yeah. This had just happened. Fiery tingles flared. Olivia would have laughed if she could have drawn enough breath. But she was too busy panting and trying not to moan. Or beg. Who knew this kind of arrogance could be so arousing? Of course, Grace only kept a loose grip over her wrists; she could have easily freed herself if she’d wanted to. But this was way too good. She absolutely, thoroughly, categorically, did not want to be released.