Page 42 of Settling the Score (The Karma Club #4)

Routine was good. Routine was important. Sienna leaned into it hard when she got back to Ashbury Falls and tried to pick up the threads of a life she’d been convinced, only eight or so days ago, she could absolutely never leave.

She buried herself in study, work, visitations with her dad when the prison permitted, spending time with Melanie, tolerating Cory.

She did all the things that had meant so much to her before and tried to ignore the fact that so much of it seemed shallow now.

Not seeing Melanie or her dad, but everything else.

Or not exactly shallow, perhaps monochromatic.

Dim.

Dull.

Hollow and hard.

She felt a thousand things and nothing. She felt burned and cold, all at once.

Almost a full week after getting home, and halfway through When Harry Met Sally , there was a knock on her door.

For the briefest second, she imagined it might be Aiden and her heart went into total overdrive, but of course it wouldn’t be Aiden.

They’d said their goodbyes.

She’d made it clear she didn’t want to see him again.

And what a liar she’d been.

Her preservation instincts had taken over. She was too scared to take a risk on him. On anyone. That was the problem. But if she looked into her heart of hearts, she knew what she’d see there. She knew how she felt about Aiden.

And it didn’t matter what she’d said to him: there would be no getting over him. Not now, not in a year, probably not ever.

She wrenched open the door without checking to see who was there – and her heart lifted.

In profile, they were so similar, that for a millisecond, she actually thought it was Aiden.

But then, Blake turned to face her properly, and smiled, and there was no mistaking which brother had come to see her now.

Particularly not with Astrid just behind him.

‘Guys?’ Sienna looked from one to the other. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘We came to see you, silly,’ Astrid said, leaning forward and wrapping her arms around Sienna. Her basketball tummy pressed against Sienna, and without thinking, Sienna put a hand down and patted her friend’s bump.

‘But you’re on your honeymoon.’

‘We were on our honeymoon,’ Astrid corrected. ‘Blake’s got pre-season.’

‘You’re meant to be away another week.’

‘Okay, fine.’ Astrid held her hands up, glancing at Blake. Sienna realised they were hovering on her doorstep, and stepped backwards to silently invite them in.

They followed her into the hallway, and it was Blake who shut the door.

‘We need to talk to you.’

Sienna’s heart dropped. ‘Guys?—’

‘I know, I know. Blake told me I shouldn’t get involved.’

Sienna glanced at the other Carter twin.

‘And he’s probably right. But you need to understand?—’

‘Come on, honey,’ Sienna groaned. ‘We really don’t need to rehash this.’

‘It’s not rehashing,’ Blake said, after a beat. ‘Astrid’s right. I did say we shouldn’t interfere, but I was wrong. There’s stuff about Aiden you don’t know.’

Her lips pulled to the side and after a brief pause, she moved deeper into the living room. The newlyweds followed and she gestured for them to take a seat. Neither did.

‘Tell her,’ Astrid said, gently.

Blake nodded once, dragging a hand through his hair. ‘Look, I’m not proud of what I was like back then. When we were kids. You probably remember…’

She thought back to Blake Carter, and the teenager he’d been. A heart of gold, but with a lot of rough edges.

‘I was skating around trouble for a while. On the edges of a group of friends that were pretty messed up. But I was always okay – Aiden made sure of it. He kept my nose clean. Until one night…’ His voice tapered off and Astrid reached down to lace their fingers together, squeezing his.

‘It’s alright, babe. This is Sienna.’

His throat shifted as he nodded.

‘Look, I did it out of self-defence. Or defence of Mom.’

‘Did what?’

‘I hit him.’

‘Aiden?’

‘No. That bastard of a father of ours.’

Sienna’s lips formed a perfect circle. ‘Okay…’ She frowned, still not sure how this connected to her in the slightest. ‘But that was a long time ago?—’

‘No, Sienna, when I say I hit him, I mean I hit him. Hard. And I didn’t stop, not until I was sure he wasn’t getting up.’ He shook his head. ‘I wasn’t thinking. I was just… so angry. So sick of living in fear.’

Sienna shook her head a little, sympathy washing over her. ‘You’re a good guy, Blake. That was just one night, one act. And your dad survived.’

He ground his jaw. ‘I almost ruined everything.’

She frowned. With their father?

‘Our college scholarships – everything. The whole fresh start we’d been working towards since we were boys, the chance to get out of here. I put it all in jeopardy…’ he choked out.

She saw Astrid squeeze his hand again.

‘The cops drew up charges. I would have gone away, Sienna.’

She hated the thought of that. Blake wasn’t a criminal. He wasn’t violent. He had been reacting to an awful circumstance, protecting a woman who’d suffered too much at the hands of a violent, sadistic asshole.

‘But Aiden fixed it,’ Astrid said, her eyes boring into Sienna’s.

Sienna’s heart did a strange twist.

‘Aiden made it all go away. He came to a deal with the college team, and our coach negotiated with the cops so I could plead down to a misdemeanour. But we had to leave town.’

Sienna’s heart thumped against her ribs.

‘We had to get out of here. That was the deal. Aiden saved me from going to prison, but he did it by leaving you, Ashbury, everything behind.’ He took a step towards her; Astrid followed.

‘Everyone calls him Ice, like he’s too cold to feel a damned thing.

I’m probably the only person on earth who knows the truth.

He froze his feelings the night he left you, because without you in his life, he had no need for them any more. ’

‘Blake, please,’ she said, her voice wavering with the force of her emotions. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to know this, it was that she couldn’t quite work out how to process it.

‘I just need you to understand that for ten years, I’ve lived with the guilt of this.

I kept hoping he’d move on, fall in love, meet someone else.

Be less Ice. Be more like he used to be.

Be alive like he was when he was with you.

But the first time I’ve seen that version of my brother in a long time was on the island, with you.

It’s always been you, Sienna. And if I hadn’t been such a monumental hothead, everything would have been different. ’

‘You can’t blame yourself,’ Astrid whispered.

‘But I do.’

‘You shouldn’t,’ Sienna said, holding onto her emotions with difficulty. ‘Aiden did what he needed to get you out of town, out of trouble, but he still chose to cut me out of his life.’

‘He spent all our lives protecting me. That’s a hard habit to break.’

Her heart twisted, because Blake wasn’t wrong. Confusion seeped into her.

‘We agreed not to tell anyone about this,’ Blake said. ‘Our coach advised us not to stir it up, initially. But you had to know…’

‘Yeah,’ she whispered, knowing that was true, too. She’d deserved to know back then. Maybe if she had, his leaving wouldn’t have stung quite as much.

But maybe she’d have fought to keep him in town. Maybe she’d have convinced him to stay. Or take her with him.

And then she remembered something else he’d said, about how he’d needed to focus everything on the game, and that she somehow threatened that.

‘I think he had other reasons for leaving me, Blake. You need to let any guilt you’re carrying go. Aiden made his decision?—’

‘I made it for him.’

She sighed. ‘He’s a big boy?—’

‘He wasn’t, though. He was a scared kid, just like I was. He ran away. From our father, from the shitstorm I’d created, and from the kind of love that was way too much for him to know what to do with. If you’d seen him like I’ve seen him these last ten years, you’d know I’m right.’

Her heart dropped down to her toes. ‘Maybe,’ she said, because she couldn’t have this conversation any more.

‘I mean it?—’

‘I think she gets it,’ Astrid said, gently, dropping Blake’s hand so she could put an arm around Sienna’s waist. ‘You okay, love?’

Was she okay? Was she okay? Of course she wasn’t okay, but there was no way in hell she was going to let her best friend have that on her conscience.

So she forced a bright smile. ‘Yeah, of course. Thanks for coming to tell me. Did you guys want to stay for something to eat? I’ve got cake in the fridge… ’

‘Our car’s waiting,’ Astrid demurred. ‘We’re heading to the airport to catch a red eye to New York.’ She hesitated. ‘Don’t suppose you want to come with us?’

Sienna’s heart went into overdrive. Fly to New York? To see Aiden?

Everything exploded inside of her, like a whirlwind of colour and sound, but she shook her head, quickly dismissing the idea. ‘I can’t. But I’ll come visit soon, okay? We’ve got a baby shower to think about.’

Astrid’s face showed disappointment, Blake’s concern. ‘But you could?—’

‘She’ll work it out,’ Astrid said, turning back to her newly minted husband.

She could tell Blake wanted to argue but after a beat, he shrugged and said, ‘Okay, Twinkle Toes. If you say so.’

* * *

When Chuck came to visit the next day, Sienna was still obsessing over every detail of her conversation with Blake and Astrid.

It was almost impossible to push it out of her mind, but somehow, she managed to at least make a passable effort of doing so.

When they ate a light lunch, they talked about their Harvey plan.

And afterwards, when they watched a movie, she made a point of laughing at the right places, and looking like she was paying attention.

But when they went for a run – which Chuck managed to talk her into after all – Sienna felt her mind falling back into a rut, going over everything Blake had said, driving her crazy with the insistent thoughts.