Page 20 of Settling the Score (The Karma Club #4)

It wasn’t like he was in the midst of the best sleep of his life or anything. How the hell could he sleep when Sienna had permeated his dreams like nothing else? She’d been taking the puck from the minute she’d arrived, and he had no freaking idea how to get it back.

Kissing her had been certifiable.

At least before the kiss he’d been able to pretend he wasn’t that attracted to her any more.

Or, in his more honest moments of self-reflection, that at least she didn’t feel that way about him.

But the kiss had lodged her right in the very middle of his mind, so he’d been lying in bed, tossing and turning for hours, trying to get her the hell out of his head.

The problem was, every time he got close to drifting off, bam.

There she was. Sexy. Smiling. So desirable he wanted to bust something.

So dangerous.

Because this wasn’t just some horny puck bunny hitting him up for a one-night stand, but Sienna.

Sienna Aria Mastrangelo. The one woman he’d ever felt anything for.

The one woman who’d made him actually think maybe he could reach out with both hands and grab the whole big happily ever after fantasy Hollywood movies made you think were a guarantee in life.

But Aiden knew otherwise.

Aiden knew what love did to people. He’d seen the way his dad loved his mom. And the way his mom loved his dad, so much she wouldn’t leave him, even when they were all in danger, every single damned day they’d stayed.

Love had been a nightmare in Aiden’s house.

It was terrifying how many people signed on the dotted line for a future that could easily include that kind of bullshit.

Even Blake.

He made a rough groaning sound, bashing the pillow beside him with one big fist, staring up at the ceiling in the quiet of his room, with only the distant hum of rolling waves through the open French doors for company.

And then, a chirrup.

A cricket? But on acid. High-pitched and droning, it went on for about ten seconds, then stopped, so his mind was free to churn once more.

Blake and Astrid… they were different, he thought, flopping onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, frowning a little, because Blake having fallen in love, and with someone who accepted him so completely as he was, who loved every part of him, who forced Blake to be the best version of himself just by sharing her life with him, had started to puncture the tiniest of holes in the worldview Aiden had formed as a kid.

Because Blake and Astrid were happy. Not like their mom and dad in the peaceful moments, but truly happy. They loved each other, and more than that, they respected one another. Their relationship was… it was good.

It was real good.

But it didn’t follow that he could have that with anyone. It didn’t follow that the risks were worth it. Especially not if the risk was becoming like his father, and ever hurting Sienna.

So he really needed to not kiss her again. And definitely to stop thinking about kissing her. As for the very X-rated dreams his subconscious kept trying to force him to endure, well, that was why he couldn’t sleep.

Because if kissing her was bad, and thinking about kissing her was worse, then dreaming about having sex with her was the pits.

Even when it really, really wasn’t.

He rolled onto his side. Chirrrrupppp.

He blinked.

It kept going, for at least ten seconds, like before.

Getting any sleep had seemed almost impossible anyway, but with a noisy neighbour?

He could just forget about it. He got up and, wearing only his boxers, slammed on the light, stalked across the French doors and slammed them shut, satisfied by the noise they made.

Take that, cricket.

He spun to go back to bed, but his gaze fell on his reflection in the floor-to-ceiling mirror.

He stopped walking. The tattoos. He put a hand on the Titan first, thinking back to the day he’d got it inked.

On how it had felt to sign his contract with the club, to know how wanted he and Blake were.

To know they really, truly belonged to something special.

It was a feeling he’d never known before. Not even at college.

The Titans had gone all out to secure the twins, had made them front and centre of their line-up, promoting them to their fan base, building them in the league as star players. They were all in with the Carters, so the Carters were all in with the Titans.

His hand shifted sideways to the eagle – which he’d chosen to do one Fourth of July, and loved, because of how he felt about this country, and the opportunities he’d been given.

Then, he turned, slowly, pulling down his boxers and looking over his shoulder so he could see the writing.

Ad Meliora.

Towards Better Things.

It had been his first tattoo. He’d got it with his brother about a month after leaving Ashbury Falls. When he’d been closest to weakening and getting the hell out of there. When he’d been most tempted to walk away from the game, the scholarship, from Blake and his mom, and just go home.

Not to his dad. His father, as far as Aiden was concerned, could go to hell.

But Sienna… God, he’d missed her like he’d lost a damned leg.

He’d ached for her in a way he’d never known it was possible to ache for another human.

He’d been desperate to see her again. To be with her.

But Sienna was impossible, the life they’d talked about wanting just a stupid, childish fantasy. Or maybe, maybe it wasn’t. But Aiden would never have taken that risk.

Because, what if he’d hurt her?

What if they’d stayed together, and one day, the same monster that lived inside his father had started to take up space in Aiden?

His dad hadn’t always been such a pig.

When his parents first got married, they were happy. Normal.

But then, when the twins were born, and his mom went through post-natal depression, their dad couldn’t cope. Instead of helping her, he got angry. And then, he got violent.

When he lost his job, and started to drink, he got angrier. And more violent. And then they were locked in a never-ending cycle of the beatings, the remorse, the apologies, the forgiveness, the honeymoon phase and then, bam. The violence again.

The day Aiden realised just how much he loved Sienna was the day he knew he had to leave.

Even without the catalyst of Blake’s charges, and his fear for their mom, Aiden had realised that leaving Sienna and making a clean break of it was the right thing for her.

Sienna was smart, funny, motivated and gorgeous.

She was going to go a long way in life, with or without him.

He knew their break-up would hurt in the moment, but she’d be better off down the track.

At least, that’s what he’d told himself then.

So why was she still living in Ashbury Falls?

What happened to all her big plans of making a life for herself in a big city?

Chiiiirrrupppp.

He startled, glancing around the room. Because the sound wasn’t coming from outside, as he’d suspected, but rather, inside his damned bedroom.

It didn’t chirrup for long enough for him to find it, but he stayed standing perfectly still, listening and waiting.

Another quick chirrup, from somewhere near his bed.

Silence.

He kept waiting.

Silence.

But the moment he flicked the light off, it chirruped again, and he cursed, the noise ripped from his chest. But it wasn’t really about the insect, he admitted to himself.

It was Sienna, yet again.

It was their kiss; it was their fight.

It was the way she’d been after the kiss, so nonchalant and unbothered. Like her world hadn’t just been shaken to smithereens. Like she went around kissing guys on the beach every day of the week.

Like he was nothing to her.

Which was what you wanted , a voice reminded him stubbornly. But the voice was wrong.

Aiden didn’t want to be nothing to her.

He didn’t want to hurt her, but he did want her.

He did need her.

He wasn’t stupid enough to fantasise about an impossible future.

But he could offer this week, just like Blake had said.

He could ask her to consider spending some time with him.

Not in a golf cart, with everyone waiting on them to return, but here, in his room, or her room, away from the madness of the wedding, and all those prying eyes.

Just him, her, and the unfinished business that had exploded into his present-day life and was making it impossible to think about anything else.

He could ask her to let him have this week.

Just one week. And then, this time, when he let her go, it wouldn’t just be on his terms, but on theirs, because they’d both be ready for it.

They’d both know it was what they had to do, to get on with their lives.

No harm, no foul, but quite possibly a shit tonne of fun, if she agreed.

* * *

‘You look like death warmed up,’ Paige, Astrid’s curvy red-haired friend observed cheerily, over a plate of sausages and egg.

‘Thanks,’ Aiden responded wryly.

‘Trouble sleeping?’ Bella, with her posh NYC accent, asked next, long blonde hair swooshed over one shoulder.

He grunted across the breakfast table. ‘There was a cricket in my room.’

‘A cricket?’ Edvin Larrson, the Titans’ goalie, with his blond hair pulled up into a messy bun, glanced down the table at Aiden. Everyone stopped talking.

He shrugged. ‘I had the doors open all day. Fucker must have got in then.’

He nearly missed the way Paige looked at Bella, who dipped her head forward and pressed her lips into her napkin.

But he sure as hell didn’t miss the way Sienna was staring at him, eyes narrowing thoughtfully, lips pursed, as though hanging off his every word.

He was tempted to tell her that the cricket had been the least of his nocturnal worries.

‘Did you find it?’ Astrid asked conversationally, reaching for some bacon and piling it on her plate.

‘Does this look like the face of a man who was able to find – and get rid of – the damned thing?’

‘Oy,’ Blake cautioned, and Aiden winced, because he had unfairly taken his bad mood out on his future sister-in-law.

‘Sorry.’ He held up a hand placatingly. ‘It drove me crazy,’ he muttered, sipping an orange juice. ‘I reckon it must have been in the mattress or something.’

Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Sienna turn and look at Paige, one brow crooked.

‘What?’ he asked, rounding on them. ‘Are you some kind of expert in cricketology or something?’

Paige smiled serenely. ‘That’s me, chief cricketologist at your disposal.’

He smiled curtly, realising they all thought it was freaking hilarious, and set about attacking his plate, instead of his companions.

‘There are other rooms, bro,’ Blake said, once they’d finished eating and everything was being cleared away by the staff, and it was just the two of them. ‘You can swap.’

‘Nah, what are the chances it’ll be there again tonight?’

Blake looked sceptical. ‘Okay, well, it’s up to you. But I’m pretty sure the end room on that floor is free. The one with the door on the right.’

‘Thanks. I’ll keep it in mind.’

* * *

‘A cricket, you guys?’ Sienna’s big blue eyes roamed from Bella to Astrid to Paige, before settling back on Bella, who looked the guiltiest of them all.

‘No, never,’ Paige swore, crossing a finger over her chest.

‘Definitely not,’ Bella promised, but her smile gave her away.

‘You guys,’ Sienna laughed softly, pulling them further out onto the terrace where they could be sure they were completely alone. ‘What did you do?’

‘Nothing.’ Paige blinked with mock innocence. ‘We definitely didn’t put a noisy little thing in his mattress.’

‘His mattress!’ Sienna squawked. ‘That’s animal cruelty, for one thing.’

‘It’s not a real cricket,’ Paige responded quickly, as if that was super reassuring.

‘It’s not?’

Bella shook her head. ‘It’s just a toy. It’s remote controlled. It was only meant to go off a few times, but I guess it might have broken or something.’ She grimaced, but could barely hold back the smile. ‘Poor baby looked pretty wrecked this morning.’

‘Yeah, he really did,’ Sienna agreed, though in truth, she’d found it hard to look beyond those ridiculously broad shoulders and chiselled cheekbones to notice the bags under his eyes.

The three women were staring back at her with such a combination of emotions that she burst out laughing.

‘You’re okay with it?’ Bella asked in a rush.

‘Astrid told us you wanted to call the whole thing off,’ Paige added. ‘But we didn’t think that was really fair.’

Bella nodded. ‘He deserves a little bit of messing with.’

Sienna held up her hands. ‘I have no problem with you guys messing with him a bit. Harmless pranks. That’s fine.

I just don’t want… I don’t feel right pretending I’m okay with what happened back then, when the truth is, I’m just not.

’ She turned to Astrid. ‘I know he’s about to become your brother-in-law, and I know you see a whole other side to him, but I just want to get through your beautiful wedding, focusing on you, and Blake, and then move on with my life. With him completely removed from it.’

Astrid nodded sympathetically.

‘Has it been at all cathartic to see him again?’ Bella asked.

‘Well, no. Not really. I mean, I wish I could say that he’s not as hot as I remember, or that seeing him again has made me realise it was all just a teenage crush, but that’s definitely not true.

’ She lifted one shoulder. ‘I do know it never would have worked out between us, but I think I knew that even before we got to the island.’

‘Why do you say that, love?’ Astrid asked gently.

‘He just didn’t want me enough.’ She said the words that had been swirling around in her mind for a long, long time.

‘And that’s okay. He was entitled to make that choice.

He was entitled to walk away from me.’ She breathed out a long, slow breath.

Now that felt like an exorcism. ‘Come on,’ she said, linking an arm through Astrid’s.

‘I saw on the itinerary that this is a free day. Why don’t we go do something together, just us girls? ’