Page 30 of Second Chances (Passion and Perseverance #2)

Chapter Fifteen

Beth wasn’t sure what to expect when she inserted her keycard and opened the apartment door, but she definitely wasn’t expecting to be greeted by more flowers.

The usual vase of blooms on the entrance table was missing, and she had a feeling that it might have been the victim of the loud crash that she had heard earlier.

In its place were three vases filled with red and orange roses.

She could hardly see the rest of the apartment due to the volume of flowers blocking her view.

Ok, a slight exaggeration, but there were A LOT of flowers.

Gently setting her stuff down by the door, she cautiously made her way around the table, unable to stop herself from quickly smelling some of the blooms.

Coming around to the other side, she saw Darcy standing in the living room, looking out the giant windows into the setting sun.

He knew she was there, that it was she who had entered the apartment; she could see it in his body language, but he waited for her to make the first move, for her to approach him.

She walked steadily towards that end of the apartment, watching him remain frozen by the window as she stopped just inside the bounds of the living room.

“Darcy,” she murmured, his muscles going taut at the soft caress of his name from her lips.

“Beth,” his reply audibly strained. “I was worried about you.”

She saw his jaw clench and she knew that it was taking every fiber of his being to not come to her and show her, physically, just how worried he had been; and just how relieved he was that she had come back.

“I’m ok and I’m sorry that I worried you,” she apologized.

“Don’t…” he said, shaking his head, turning his gaze back to the cityscape outside the window, “you shouldn’t have to apologize to me, Beth. Again. ”

Knowing how he operated made her next move easy; she wasn’t going to break through his self-loathing with words.

He needed a physical connection to her for her words to sink in, for her words to calm him.

Walking up slowly behind him, she reached down, taking his fisted hand in hers, forcibly opening it to thread her fingers through his.

His reaction was immediate; his shoulders relaxed as he let out a deep sigh, running his free hand through his hair.

“You should hate me by now,” he began, hoarsely.

“I could never…” she quickly responded. “I know why you did what you did.”

At her admission, she felt the flex of tension in his muscles.

“You do?” he asked, his voice almost choked, as he turned to look at her, shock and dread emanating from his gaze as the color began to drain from his face.

“Yes, you were worried about me, after what happened last night,” Beth clarified, somewhat confused by his extreme response, but she forged on.

“I know we talked about it but it was clearly a shock for you to see your ex again after so long. And, after what you’ve told me about her in the past and surmised yourself, I’m sure that if she is back for you, she will do whatever it takes to get you back. ”

Beth paused, Darcy’s swallow and curt nod were the only response she received, but the color seemed to be returning to his face, so she continued.

“Anyway, I have no doubt that you have done everything, put in every precaution to keep her away from you and me, but, in spite of all of that, the simple fact that she got so close last night cannot be easy to forget. I could see how concerned you were for me this morning, insisting that I have protection and I’m sorry that I belittled the suggested, brushing it off and giving you such a hard time about it. ”

She squeezed his hand to emphasize her abject apology, watching as her heartfelt concern began to bring back his disgust with himself and his actions.

“God, I’m such an ass,” he muttered to himself .

“Please, don’t. Just listen,” she encouraged, moving to squeeze half of herself between him and the window so that he couldn’t continue to look away from her anymore.

“I know I’m a strong person; I know I can handle myself should I ever have to face this woman, but that’s not the point and instead of focusing on what my protection meant for me, I should have seen what it meant for you.

You were on edge from the night before - we both were - and no matter how much you tried to hide it, looking back, I see now how stressed you were about making sure that I would be safe and protected and instead of recognizing and respecting that concern, not only did I take your concern for me lightly and only think about how it would affect me, I turned around and decided to leave for the day before any of your measures were able to be implemented. ”

His hand went up to run through his hair, but she caught it mid-path and placed it on her cheek, turning slightly into his palm to kiss the pad of his thumb.

Her small gesture elicited a hiss from his lips and, now that she was semi-flush against him, she could feel the hardness of his arousal against her hip.

“Beth , that’s not—” he began, but she interrupted him, placing a finger on his lips.

“Shh, just let me finish; I need to get it all out. I want you to know that I wasn’t thinking about your feelings or your concerns when I acted.

I was only thinking of myself and that’s not how a relationship works.

I should have included you in the plans to go meet Jane, even if just taking me and waiting for me would have given you peace of mind; there was a solution that would have worked for us, if I had taken a moment to think about this whole situation from your perspective instead of my own,” Beth paused to take a deep inhale before moving on to the next, more difficult part of the conversation.

“Now, I didn’t say that means your response was justified.

Why didn’t you just ask me to stay? Why did you try physically coerce me? ”

Her questions weren’t accusatory; her tone was gentle, encouraging him to put words to the meaning of actions, not just blanket apologies .

“Because I’m a brute, that’s why,” he responded with a harsh laugh, trying to look away from her, but her hand came up, preventing his face from turning from hers.

“Don’t,” Beth stopped him, “you know that’s not the reason. Tell me why.”

“I didn’t want you to leave,” his answer short, a shadow crossing over his face, almost as though he was purposely hiding the reason why.

“So why not ask me?” she prodded.

“ Because I knew what your answer was going to be! ” His admission came out harshly and louder than even he had expected.

He sucked in another breath before continuing more calmly, “I don’t know, Beth.

You weren’t thinking about what I said, about my concerns; you weren’t thinking about me.

I guess I thought if I could get through to you physically, you might change your mind. ”

This time he forced his head out of her hand to look away, his jaw clenching at the release of his words.

“So, instead of asking me to stay verbally, you asked me to stay physically,” Beth began, waiting for him to confirm in agreement before continuing, “Your past has taught you that words don’t mean much, that they can’t be trusted; you’ve grown up, been conditioned, and rewarded for judging people and relationships - personal and business - based on the physical connection or vibe that you get. ”

Beth paused, waiting for her words to sink in, watching the intrigued expression come over his face as he began to process what she was implying.

“I won’t disagree with that, but that’s not the re—” Darcy was cut short again as Beth persistently continued with what she needed him to hear .

“After this afternoon, after talking to Jane, I can see it now. Every time something happens or we disagree or you are stressed, you need a physical connection to me; you need physical touch to reassure you that I’m there, that I’m ok, that I love you in spite of whatever is going on; words aren’t enough.

Just like you said, you felt like your words weren’t enough to get through to me, just like my words of reassurance weren’t enough for you.

As much as what happened was you asking me to stay, it was also you asking me to show you that I do care about you, that I do think about you and your feelings, because I wasn’t acting like I do. ”

“People lie; it’s what they’ve always done and the people I’ve let close to me, save you and Charles, have only proven that beyond a reasonable doubt to me.

Yes, I’ve built my life, my businesses, my relationships on my impression of people, my gut feeling about them, because I’ve learned the hard way what happens when you don’t fucking trust your own instincts, but what does that matter, Beth?

God,” he cursed, pulling away from her completely, take a few steps toward the other window in the room.

“What does it matter if my earlier actions had meaning, if that’s what I was trying to get across?

The fact is that I don’t know how to use words to communicate with you; I just molest you and hope that you get the message. ”

His disgust for himself broke her heart.

“ Stop!” she yelled angrily, “No, it’s not ok, but it is ok that we communicate differently. Yes, I need the words, the explanations, the quality time spent with you to make me feel loved but that doesn’t mean that that is how you have to be too.”

She walked over to him, putting herself directly in front of him, looping her arms around his neck, pulling her body flush against his .