Page 16 of Seashells and Other Souvenirs

Two days after I turned twelve, I fastened a green bandana around my head to match the rest of my team.

The adults had opted out of the simple footrace event now that we were old enough to oversee it ourselves, and we’d been allowed to choose our own teams. It just so happened that Gavin and Jude were on the beach that afternoon, and we had two open spots in our relay lineup.

“Listen up, everybody!” Whose idea had it been to give Elias the megaphone? “Down to the cones and back. You have to tag the cone and you have to tag the next person’s hand before they can go.”

Gavin caught my eye and nodded in mock solemnity; next to him, however, Jude was dialed in. The look of fierce determination on his face was so out of character, it was humorous.

“Ready?” Elias’s voice boomed again. “Set? GO!”

Sutton, first as always, took off. Elle made sure the rest of us were lined up and ready to race, placing Jude at the back since he insisted on anchoring.

It surprised us how invested he was in winning, but we weren’t complaining.

We all wanted those plastic gold medals and the accompanying bragging rights.

Sutton tagged Rebekah who ran up and down the beach before tagging Elle.

I was next. As soon as Elle slapped my hand—harder than necessary, I noted with a wince—I ran as fast as my legs could carry me.

Though I was making good time—and we were already in the lead before I started—I refused to concede even an inch to the other teams.

As I returned to our group, I nearly ran into Gavin; he had to catch me to keep us from both toppling over in the sand.

We laughed as he set off for the second to last leg of the race.

Jude waited at the line, fists clenched by his sides and already breathing hard. “You’ve got this, Jude,” I offered.

And did he ever.

Gavin tagged his hand, and he shot off like a rocket, touching the cone at the other end of the beach and easily beating the next closest team back to the finish line by almost half a minute. He beamed as Gavin lifted him into the air and the rest of us cheered wildly.

“Gather around, please,” Elias announced when every team had come in. “Let’s give a round of applause for our new relay champs: the blue team!”

“What?!” Elle stepped forward. “ We won!”

“Disqualified.” Elias continued passing out gold medals to our second-place cousins.

“What do you mean ‘disqualified?’” Sutton’s hands flew to her hips, and Elias flinched.

“I mean,” he calmly explained, “that this is the Henry Family Olympics. And you had team members who aren’t part of the Henry family.” Jude’s face fell.

“Don’t be an idiot, Elias,” Rebekah chided. “Just give us our medals.”

“No can do.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Gavin assured a smoldering Sutton. But Jude had yanked off his bandana, thrown it to the ground, and had already stomped halfway to the steps leading back to the road.

We didn’t often see Grandmama get angry, so when it happened, we remembered. And that evening when she heard us recount the story, she’d been furious. Elias had quietly emerged from her room a few minutes later and asked us to walk him over to the blue house to apologize.

“Sorry about earlier,” he mumbled sheepishly to the two boys at the door. “I was just being dumb. And you guys are welcome to join in the games whenever you want, okay?”

“Thanks,” Gavin said. But they never did again.

It’s lunchtime, and I’ve finally reached the point of desperation.

Rebekah is working a long shift, and Elle is likely on some exciting Spanish adventure because she isn’t answering her phone.

Sutton is my last and only option. I pull up her number and send the call before I can change my mind.

I need to talk to someone, or I’ll drive myself crazy.

“Alex!” She squeals. “I was starting to think you’d lost your phone. How’s the beach? What’s new?”

Just hearing her say my name makes me feel lighter, melts away my nerves. I pick up the bottle of nail polish I’ve decided on and head for the front deck. “Great. I miss you. How are you? And Marcie and Chris?”

She pauses. “You sound different.”

I sit down in a rocking chair. “What do you mean?”

“I mean you sound different. In a good way. OH MY GOSH, Alex, have you met someone?!”

“What?”

“Answer the question. Have you met someone?”

“No.”

“Hmm.” She doesn’t sound convinced. “Okay, well why did you call?”

“I just wanted to say hi. I told you, I miss you.”

“And?”

The butterflies return to my stomach. I close my eyes and confess, “And I’m having dinner with Gavin Alford tonight, and I need you to tell me it’s going to be fine.”

“WHAT!”

“I ran into him yesterday,” I half lie. “He’s in town for the weekend visiting some friends, and he wants to have dinner and catch up.”

Her silence is deafening, and I wish I could see her face right now.

“Sutton?”

She sighs. “I just want you to be careful. Okay?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Now I remember why she was my last choice. This is not what I need right now.

“Alex.” Her voice is dripping with the kind of concern that makes me feel both stupid and nervous. “I just don’t want you to set yourself up to get hurt. You haven’t seen Gavin in what, six years? And he’s in town for the weekend. It’s not like he’s looking for a relationship.”

“It’s just dinner, Sutton.”

“Right.”

“Ugh, why did I think this was a good idea?”

She reads my mind. “Going on a date with Gavin or calling me?”

“It’s not a date.”

“Well, just make sure you keep reminding yourself of that.”

I know my voice is too loud, but I can’t help it. “Why do you do this?”

“Do what?” Her volume increases too. “Care about you?”

“Ruin things for me. Why can’t I just enjoy catching up with an old friend?”

“Because you think of him as more than that. And you shouldn’t.”

Her words are like a slap across the face. I sit, stunned, and listen to my own breathing.

“Alex.” Her voice is softer, quieter now. “The summer before Gavin kissed you on the beach . . .”

I somehow know exactly what is coming, and I want to stop it, but I’m still speechless.

“He kissed me too.”

Of course she kissed Gavin. Nothing could be more Sutton-like. But then, she does the most un-Sutton-like thing possible. She stops talking and gives me space to process, lets me decide what happens next.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I finally ask.

“Because I knew it didn’t mean anything.

” It sounds like she’s crying now and that makes me even angrier.

“Because what teenage guy isn’t going to seize the opportunity to kiss a girl on vacation who looks at him like he’s a celebrity?

Look, you know I love you. And Gavin. But, Alex, be honest with yourself.

Is what you’ve held on to all these years really Gavin or some version of him you’ve imagined but may not even exist? ”

My chest physically hurts. “I have to go.”

“Alex.” Her voice is resigned. She knows I won’t be calling her back.

At least my fury keeps my other emotions at bay. Opening the nail polish, I coat my toenails before starting on my fingers.

I’m so focused that I don’t notice the white car pull in. I jump when Jude climbs the stairs.

“What are you doing home already?”

“I’m not staying long. Just came to change and grab something to eat before I head back out. You okay?”

“Yep.”

He reaches for the door, then reconsiders. “You sure? You look kind of flustered.”

“I’m fine.” I sigh. “I’m just trying to paint my fingernails, and I forgot how hard it is to paint your own right hand. And none of my cousins are here to help.”

He reads me almost as well as Sutton did. “That’s all?”

“Yes,” I snap. “That’s all.”

He squints into the sun, adjusts his glasses, and walks toward me.

“Here.” He takes the bottle of polish and kneels on the deck beside my rocking chair, gesturing for my hand.

I watch as he carefully applies the color to each nail. Surprisingly, he’s doing a good job.

“Thanks, Jude.”

“Sure. But if you tell Gavin about this on your date tonight, you’re in trouble, okay?”

I grit my teeth. “It’s not a date.”