Page 135 of Scorched Earth (Dark Shores #4)
LYDIA
On Helene’s orders, Lydia and Killian were confined to Lydia’s stateroom in Seldrid’s manor while Helene and the High Lords, who’d just arrived, negotiated a response to Marcus.
“No one is going to believe that I’ll agree to this,” Killian said, pacing the room.
“The High Lords are all going to think this is a scheme, because they know there is no chance I’d allow you to go back to Celendor without a fight.
Especially given that you are supposed to go there to marry Lucius Cassius. ”
Lydia pulled off her boots and curled up on a sofa, a cup of tea steaming on the low table before her. “Well, either come up with a way that I can reasonably convince you or put on an act of trying to steal me away, and we can have you put in irons for the duration of the negotiations.”
“There is no way I’d be convinced, so get the irons ready.
” Killian went to the window and stared out into the night.
“I hate that we’re leaning on trickery and scheming with the hopes Marcus will fall for it rather than taking concrete action.
That we’ll be waiting around, locked in this room, when we could be trying to reach Deadground. ”
Lydia understood how he felt. Strategic or not, the passivity her scheme required rubbed her the wrong way as well.
“If I disappear from Serlania, I think it will drive Marcus to act. Whereas if I am imprisoned by Helene, he will perceive me as contained. Within reach. And he’ll take the time to find other routes to achieve his goals.
Keep in mind that Marcus was the one who initiated this negotiation by sending that letter—he wants this to work. ”
“Or it’s a trick on his part.”
“I don’t think so. Or at least, not at its heart.
” Picking up her teacup, she sipped at it.
“Teriana knows him better than anyone, Killian, and she’s convinced that no matter how far Marcus has fallen, he won’t willingly send his men to their deaths.
He’ll only come here in force if he feels there is no other avenue, and I think that reluctance will cause him to grasp at the straws Helene offers him. ”
“And when he comes to retrieve you?” Killian twisted away from the window. “What then? How am I supposed to stop them from taking you when I’m trussed up in irons to make this scheme believable? How far will you take this to buy Teriana the time she needs?”
He doesn’t think it’s a scheme. Understanding pooled in Lydia’s stomach as she realized that Killian believed she’d actually let Marcus take her.
That she’d sacrifice herself in truth to give Teriana the time she needed.
Rising to her feet, she closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around Killian’s neck.
“I’m not going to take it that far.” Rising onto her tiptoes, she brushed her lips against his, feeling a flutter low in her stomach as his arms wrapped around her and pulled her close. “I won’t let him take me from you.”
Killian turned his head away. “I wish I could believe you. Except I know how far you’d go to save our people.”
He wasn’t talking about this scheme anymore, Lydia realized.
This was about him burning the blighters.
About him destroying any chance of bringing those Mudamorians back while she’d been hunting for a way to save them all.
About the gulf she’d felt between them since learning what he’d done, because she’d be lying to herself if she said it wasn’t there.
“It feels like I’m the only one who is fighting to save them.
Even with what I did for Finn, it feels as though everyone, including you, sees the blighters as lost. As casualties of war.
It feels like I stand alone in my fight to save them, Killian. ”
“How can you say that?” He pulled away from her and began pacing the room again. “Gods, Lydia, I have had your back through everything , and the only times I have not been with you are when you sent me away. What more do you want from me?”
“I want you to have not burned them beyond salvation!” The words tore from her throat, fueled by anger she’d been doing her best to deny. “I want you to have found another way! I want you to believe that saving every last one of them is possible!”
“Except I don’t!” he shouted. “And I refuse to make bad decisions on a deluded dream that we can win this without doing harm to a single one of the blighters in Rufina’s army.
Do you think that I’m not haunted by what I did, Lydia?
Do you think that my every moment, sleeping and awake, isn’t consumed by the knowledge that it wasn’t mindless husks that I burned but the souls of those I was sworn to defend?
” A tear ran down his face.” But the front lines were on the verge of being overrun and I had to do something to stop Rufina.
I’ll hate myself forever for the choice, knowing what I do now, so by all means hate me as well. ”
His words stole the breath from her chest, but before she could answer, a knock sounded at the door. A heartbeat later, it opened and a Mudamorian soldier appeared. “The Queen and the High Lords will see you now.”
Lydia smoothed her hands down her clothes, hunting for her composure. Yet her voice still croaked when she said, “All right. Killian, are you coming with me?”
“No. There’s no point.” He cast dark eyes at her. “You’ve made your decision regardless of what I say.”
Lydia’s chest hollowed, because she could not tell if he meant the words or if it was a performance to sell the scheme. “Fine.”
She strode from the room with the guard on her heels, then allowed the man to lead her down the hallway. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t keep tears from flooding down her cheeks as she replayed Killian’s words in her head, drowning in guilt and grief and anger, all in equal measure.
Guards stood outside the doors to the ballroom, which swung open on her approach. Beneath the crystal chandelier, all the High Lords and Ladies sat around the table with Helene at its head.
“High Lady Falorn.” Helene inclined her head to Lydia. “We have come to an agreement on how we will respond to the Cel offer of alliance.”
You mean offer of surrender.
Helene lifted her chin. “Before I sign this document and send it to the Cel, I would like for you to confirm to all here that you will willingly return to Celendor.”
“Yes.” Lydia wiped tears from her face. “If my sacrifice will save all of Mudamora, then it will be one that I gladly make.”
“For the record, I do not support this concession.” Malahi crossed her arms, playing her part, for everyone would suspect if she willingly surrendered her gold mines. “House Rowenes votes against this agreement with the Cel.”
“What choice do we have, Malahi?” High Lord Pitolt took a long mouthful of his wine, which had stained his teeth purple.
“We cannot win this war. Sacrifices must be made, although to call giving up mines overrun by blight a sacrifice makes mockery of the word. As for Kitaryia, it is not as though she goes to unfamiliar ground. The Cel seem civilized enough, and likely she’ll be kept to royal standards for the rest of her days in Celendrial. ”
The Cel were about as civilized as the reptile on their banner, but Lydia gave a tight nod.
“Where is Killian?” Helene looked around the room, and when Lydia did not answer, the guard said, “He did not wish to attend. They…” He looked to Lydia. “… were quarreling.”
“Lovers’ spat.” Helene gave a little smile. “He’ll regret it when you leave to marry the most powerful man in the Empire, won’t he?”
Lydia said nothing, and Helene adjusted the crown on her head, stroking the gold as though to remind herself it was still there.
“Then the letter will be sent.” High Lord Pitolt pushed a thick piece of paper in front of Helene to sign.
“If we negotiate with them now, we survive, and survivors can rally and fight back. With the Cel legions backing us against Rufina, you can do your own duty to Mudamora and destroy the blight, Malahi. Then it’s only a matter of biding our time until the moment is right to strike back against the Empire.
A long game, whereas if we carry on as we are, it will be a short match indeed. ”
“Do not ask me to feel good about sacrificing my friend,” Malahi snapped. “This is folly.”
“You make it sound as though they will lock her in a prison.” Helene toyed with the black diamond ring hanging between her breasts, then lifted it to the light.
“Kitaryia will live in luxury and ease. Perhaps she might even play a role one day when we overthrow them. A spy on the inside.” She smirked.
“Perhaps one day you’ll even be able to return, Kitaryia. ”
“I will pray for such a fate,” Lydia whispered.
“Then it is settled,” Helene declared. “Let us dress you up, Kitaryia, and then we will send you over to Revat by way of ship. The Cel will then join us in our fight against Rufina, and we will be victorious.”
“You’re going to send Marcus what he wants without getting him to sign a contract?” Agrippa said with a laugh. “Gods, you are dense.”
Helene scowled. “You will refer to me as Your Majesty or Your Grace.”
“Apologies.” Agrippa gave her a smile that was all teeth. “Gods, you are dense, Your Grace. ”
“Agrippa is right,” Lydia said. “You should negotiate and sign a treaty first. The Cel are beholden to law and contract, so their commander will abide by the document he signs. All of you should be there to negotiate with him to ensure the best terms.”
“Civilized,” High Lord Pitolt said with a nod. “Helene, you will invite the legatus to meet us for negotiations in a neutral location, and we will see this done.” Then he inclined his head to Lydia. “Your sacrifice is moving, Marked One. You are Hegeria incarnate with this act.”
Coward, Lydia thought to herself. You’re only doing this to save your own neck. “It is the right choice.”