Page 49 of Save Me

Oh, he wasn’t the one in control here. I was. And I would fight him for it if I had to. “I think you like it more.” I pumped my hand faster and he tightened his grip on my hair. “You’re bigger than I thought.”

He inched his face closer until his lips hovered above mine. “You’ve thought about my cock?”

I only smiled.

He grinned back. “I haven’t stopped thinking about your pretty little pussy.” His lips lightly brushed mine, but he didn’t fully kiss me. That frustrated me a little because it still felt like he had the upper hand.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about the way you looked at me,” I said. “You wanted me, and I wanted you to have me right there on that counter.”

He let out a breathy groan and started rocking his hips in sync with my hand. I felt him swell just before he let out a curse and warmth coated my fingers.

I pulled my hand from his boxers and watched his cum roll down my fingers. Curiosity urged me to taste it, but as I brought my hand toward my mouth, Knox caught my wrist. Pushing me onto my back, he pinned my hand against the pillow.

“Fuck,” he cursed, squeezing his eyes shut. “I shouldn’t have let that happen.”

“What?” I said and hated how hurt I sounded.

Hearing it, his eyes shot open and his brow furrowed. “You’re going through a lot right now. It was wrong—”

“Wrong?” I blurted and pushed him off of me. I climbed out of the bed, beelining for the bathroom to wash my hands in the sink. By the time I was done and walked back in the bedroom, Knox was sitting on the edge of the bed, hunched over, with his face in his hands.

I folded my arms over my chest. “I know I’ve made piss-poor decisions regarding my grief and I may be inexperienced in the bedroom, but that doesn’t mean you can write me off as incompetent. I do know better and I’m still capable of making good decisions.”

He looked up with a frown.

“I woke up this morning peacefully. Yes, I had a nightmare last night, but I was able to fall back to sleep and I didn’t dream. I opened my eyes feeling somewhat normal and…” I sighed frustratedly, trying to organize my thoughts. “Keelan already explained why I shouldn’t use sex as an escape and I won’t. What we just did…that wasn’t an escape. I didn’t use you.”

“I don’t think you used me,” he snapped.

“Then what is it?”

“You should be focusing on yourself right now,” he said firmly. “Sex could distract you from that.”

“I’m not some sex-crazed teenager who can’t control their hormones. Well, there was this one time with the twins, and I was drunk, but that doesn’t count,” I rambled. I needed to get back on track. “I have feelings for you and I’m pretty sure you have feelings for me, too. It’s normal to want to connect with you on an intimate level. If you didn’t want that, then you should have said something. I wouldn’t have done what I did—”

“If I hadn’t wanted that to happen, it wouldn’t have. That’s not the point. We need to do right by you. Sex needs to wait until you’re in a better place.”

We? They all came to this decision without talking to me?

My eyes dropped to the floor and I headed for the door. “I’m going to make breakfast.”

“Shiloh,” he said, but I ignored him as I left.

By the time I made it to the kitchen, I felt ready to combust. I pulled food from the fridge and dropped it all on the counter next to the stove. I slammed cabinets closed and plopped pans on the stove, not caring how loud I was. The drawers were the next to suffer my wrath as I searched for utensils. I tossed those on the counter and enjoyed the way they clanged and clattered.

“Babe?”

I turned around, finding Colt, Creed, and Keelan standing on the opposite end of the kitchen. All of them were shirtless, looking like they had just rolled out of bed. They were staring at me, gaping.

Colt took a cautious step forward. “Everything alright?”

I turned back toward the stove and grabbed some eggs from the carton. “I know I hit rock bottom yesterday and I’m mortified that you all had to see that, but that doesn’t mean you all have to walk on eggshells around me.” I was so angry in my cracking of the eggs that all the yolks broke when they hit the pan.Scrambled eggs it is.I took a spatula and mixed the raw eggs around the pan.

“Okay,” Creed drawled.

I whirled back around and pointed the spatula at them. “And you don’t get to decide what’s best for me without talking to me first, because at the end of the day, I know what I’m ready for or what I can handle. Not any of you.”

All of their brows had risen. Knox walked in at that moment, with his hands stuffed in his pockets. He had different basketball shorts on. His eyes zeroed in on me and the muscles in his jaw ticked. There was nothing I could do to stop myself from glaring at him. So I spun back around and returned to cooking eggs that were already burned.