Page 19

Hailey

I set my book on the end table and decide to dip my toes in the water.

It's nice being out here, but I'm getting hot and the water is too enticing to pass up.

Besides, I didn't comprehend a single word I read in that book: the butterflies in my stomach from Max lying there without a shirt made that impossible.

I mean, come on. Everything about him is chiseled, toned, and tanned in all the right ways.

"You okay?" he asks.

I want to crawl into a hole and die when I realize I've been caught gawking at him. I thought his eyes were closed behind those annoyingly sexy sunglasses he's wearing.

"Yeah, I couldn't tell if you were sleeping or not."

He leans forward, his long legs straddling the chair, then lifts his sunglasses up. "I was, then I felt a pair of two pretty blue eyes on me. "

I snap my head away, blushing at the compliment and turning my focus to the dog.

I want to keep flirting with him, but I'm nervous suddenly and I've been trying not to lead Max on.

I didn't think I wanted anything romantic from him; I thought it would be better for my mental health to not go there, but now I'm questioning everything.

I'm worried I'm driving myself insane. Flirting with him feels so natural and it takes so much strength to shut that part of me down when I'm near him.

I flinch as a huge figure moves past my field of vision, followed by a splash, coating me with cold water.

It feels nice, but my nipples are poking through this little tank top already.

I hate wearing bras and I didn't know he was going to be here this evening, otherwise I would have worn something less revealing.

Max resurfaces, pushing his thick brown hair from his face. His eyes immediately go to my chest, then he looks up with a boyish grin.

"Sorry for getting you wet," he says, his face coated in fake guilt.

"No, you're not," I say. He opens his mouth to speak, but I impulsively kick my foot, splashing him before he can get a word out.

I cover my mouth to giggle and move my leg back to hit him again, but he lurches forward, holding my calves so I can't splash him.

My heart flutters at the contact as I try to squirm away, but he's too strong.

"I won't splash you again. We're even now Maxy."

He takes a step back, pointing his finger. "Never fucking call me that again. My mother calls me that. "

I can't contain my laughter at how angry he looks at the family nickname. "Sorry, I heard Savannah say that once and I couldn't resist."

He keeps his finger pointed at me, enunciating every syllable. "Ne-ver Ag-ain."

I kick my leg once more, splashing his face. He lunges forward and I flinch backwards, laughing. But he catches my calves to keep me in place again. My heart pounds. Water drips down his face, down his chest. He's still trying to look angry, but can't mask his smile.

"What are you going to do to me if I keep calling you that?" I tease.

"I have a few punishments in mind." He raises his eyebrows with a devilish grin.

The way he says that makes me blush and I look away for a few seconds, only to see him staring at my chest again. My eyes fall to his lips, wondering what he tastes like as his thumb moves up and down my leg.

I clear my throat, trying to keep the joking going because the only alternative is leaning forward and kissing him. But something about that makes me nervous. "Are these punishments standard protocol for the Italian Mafia?"

His face falls, and he steps back. His playfulness gone. I've only seen him this pissed the night Jason touched me. "How did you know that's what I'm a part of? "

I swallow, my mouth suddenly dry. Why the fuck did I blurt that out? I managed to turn a cute moment into a dangerous situation.

"I... I..." I stammer, trying to think of an excuse. He raises his eyebrows, continuing to scowl.

I feel the color draining from my face, wondering how much danger I'm in from that dumb comment.

I look back toward the door, wondering if I should make a run for it. But I turn around to laughter from Max. He's tall enough that he's nearly doubled over in the water. He holds his hand up. "I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. It's so obvious, of course you've figured it out."

"Asshole!" I scream, laughing more from relief. He really had me worried. I flail both legs at him, splashing until he has no choice but to hold my legs like before.

He shakes water from his face like a dog then spreads my legs wide enough so I'm straddling his chest. I rest my hands on his firm shoulders.

Time feels like it's slowing. I think he's moving to kiss me, but his hands scoop around my ass, pulling me closer and away from the pool edge.

I squeal, not wanting to get dropped in the water, and wrap my legs around him tighter as he moves me deeper.

He pushes the back of my head closer and our lips meet.

He inhales me as his tongue finds my mouth.

I close my eyes and moan, feeling his hard abs between my legs, his hand moving under my shorts, cupping my ass.

My mind races at how fast everything is moving.

The paranoid part of me wants to push away and run to my room and hide, worried this physical contact will emotionally scar me.

Maybe this is a joke, and he wants to fuck the weird girl from VOE just to see what it's like.

But those thoughts cease when he pulls my head back, moving his lips to my neck, tenderly kissing and biting it. Leaving his marks.

I moan as his hand reaches up my shirt, firm around my breast, playing with the nipple.

Goosebumps form all over from the cool water and his touch.

My skin feels so sensitive everywhere he touches and pressure builds between my legs.

I haven't touched myself since moving into the barracks after college.

To be honest, I kind of forgot what having an orgasm feels like.

He lifts my tank top up so it bunches over my breasts, taking one in his mouth. My back arches at the sensation around my sensitive nipple. His supporting hand moves up my inner thigh, dangerously close to my swollen clit.

I jerk away from his hand and freeze. No one has touched me there before.

Are we about to have sex? He must feel me tense at the million questions in my head, not knowing what to expect or do.

I don't think it's normal to be this inexperienced at twenty-three.

Normal people go to normal schools and have normal relationships involving sex.

Sex was heavily discouraged outside marriage and I wouldn't wish the punishment for becoming pregnant out of wedlock on my worst enemy there.

He tenderly kisses my lips quick, then says, "Sorry, hope I didn't get too carried away.

" His eyes scan my face and I don't know how to react, so I stay attached to him like a frozen statue.

I liked everything he did, but my stupid, paranoid mind ruined everything.

His brow furrows, and he pulls my top down even though I'm not sure it's covering me since it's soaking wet.

He lets go and I drop further in the water, feeling tiny next to him and already missing my legs around him.

My chest heaves as I try to figure out what to tell him.

Why did I freeze? It was so cowardly, but I probably look like a scared baby deer and can't climb on him again like nothing happened.

My eyes tear up as I think about how everything is ruined now.

He's going to send me back to my father.

I'm so fucking weird. He probably only wanted me around if I put out. Now I just screwed that part up.

"Hailey." His voice is soft. "Talk to me. You're scaring me. I didn't mean to... I hope I didn't..."

He stammers while I start sobbing. I should never have left. I should have known I couldn't handle it out here.

"I'm sorry," I cry. "I don't know what's wrong with me." I sob harder. I've bottled up so much emotion, not even from Kaiser, but all the stress these past few years. I haven't had time to think or feel; I've just been a robot and everything is coming out now at the most embarrassing time.

"Fuck," Max says and looks away. I can't tell if he's cursing at himself or me.

Probably me. He gently takes my arm and guides me out of the pool, wrapping his towel around my wet clothes.

I sink into a chair and shiver, unsure if it's from cold or stress.

"I think I misread the situation. I didn't mean to take things too far and make you uncomfortable. "

"It wasn't your fault." I shake my head, trying to explain my irrational panic.

Even I don't understand it. One second I was laughing with Max, then in bliss from his touch, then suddenly: boom.

A self-flagellating spiral of panic. He seems to relax at this and sits next to me, resting his chin on his hand.

"I got hit with anxiety suddenly. It was stupid. " I wrap the towel tighter.

"What were you anxious about?"

I stare at my feet, not knowing how to answer. "Everything, I guess. I haven't had much experience, so I worried I'd do something wrong or embarrassing. I was also taught not to have sex outside marriage and I don't believe that anymore but that doesn't stop the guilt."

"I wouldn't have pulled you in and kissed you if I knew all that. I'm sorry." He stares with such intensity that I want to look away, but I'm too mesmerized and comforted by his presence.

I shrug. "It's my fault anyway and the annoying thing is, I was really enjoying myself before my brain revolted. Can we just pretend this freak out didn't happen? That we had a nice hook up that didn't end in a mini-panic attack?"

I feel like I'm dying of embarrassment and just want this conversation done.

He doesn't fight me and instead gives his signature warm smile.

"Fine with me. I was thinking about ordering pizza and watching a movie.

Want to join me and try to forget about it?

I get it if you want to stay away, though. "

"No, that sounds really nice." My heart flutters at the thought of cuddling on the couch. Last time we watched something, I stayed on the other side, but I don't want to do that again. I crave his closeness, and I don't want these thoughts and feelings of guilt to rule my life .

I feel my breathing calm as I follow him inside.

He's not mad. He doesn't care. I'm so used to every interaction being strict and judgmental, but it's not like that with Max.

He seems to care about my feelings and not want blind obedience or only care about money.

My eyes water again from everything, so I hurry to my room for a quick shower before the movie.