Page 29

FIFTEEN

MADDOX

“I THINK BECCA wanted to punch me in the face.”

It’s the first thing Audrey’s said since we left Becca’s house twenty minutes ago, and while I hate what she’s thinking, I’m not surprised.

I knew something was wrong—that her mind was spiraling—but I wanted to give Audrey a little time to come to terms with everything we just learned before I started trying to do damage control.

Fixing her fractured thinking will be a hell of a lot easier to accomplish if I know where the cracks are.

“Why do you think Becca would want to punch you in the face?” I have my own guesses, but I want to know Audrey’s reasons. I want to hear how she perceived the conversation.

“Because I didn’t try harder to take Trevor down. Because I knew what he was doing and sat on it for months. And if I hadn’t, her sister might not be where she is now.” Audrey’s voice wobbles. “For being such a fucking coward while she’s being so damn brave.”

None of what she says shocks me. I know Audrey’s struggling. She’s hard on herself and tries to carry the weight of responsibilities that aren’t hers. I don’t want to upset her, but there are some things she needs to consider and some things she needs to understand.

“Becca hadn’t been abused by Trevor for years.

She also doesn’t have him holding her financial and physical well-being over her head.

” I grip the steering wheel, trying hard not to show how angry I am at the situation.

It won’t help, and might make things worse.

“You can’t compare what Becca has done to what you’ve done because you are in two totally different places. ”

“I don’t think she sees it that way.” Audrey slumps down in her seat. “She acted like she hates me, and I don’t blame her.”

I could tell Becca’s personality made Audrey a little nervous.

I get it. She’s very straightforward and to the point.

She doesn’t sugarcoat things or pull punches.

My siblings are a lot like her. They keep their feelings close.

Every word that comes out of their mouths is thought through before they set it free.

It makes them tricky to read and their serious natures can come off as cold and uncaring.

I don’t think that means Becca doesn’t like Audrey. But if that is true, it means I have to reevaluate my own thoughts about how my siblings feel about me, and I’m not sure where to even start with that.

“My family is a lot like Becca.” I start to explain, hoping it will help Audrey understand things might not be what she thinks, because they also might not be what I thought. “They’re serious and quiet. Reserved. Most of what they say comes out dry and almost abrasive.”

Audrey’s head swivels my way, her brows pinched together. “No wonder they don’t get you.”

I shrug. “It probably doesn’t help that I kill people for a living, but yeah, our personalities are pretty different.

” I pull off the highway, heading for the hotel.

“That’s just how they are. Honestly, there’s not a mean bone in their body.

They’re all good people. But it’s easy to mistake their way of moving in the world as judgment and dislike.

” I would know. I did it up until this very moment.

Because my family might not understand me, but maybe I don’t fucking understand them either.

Audrey gives me a small, hopeful smile. “So you don’t think Becca wants to punch me in the face?”

I pull in a deep breath, the air moving easily into my lungs thanks to the weight that just came off my shoulders. “No. I don’t think she wants to punch you in the face.” My next breath releases on a sigh. “But I do think maybe I owe my family a couple apologies.”

And probably a few confessions since they don’t have a clue I was shot nine months ago.

Audrey reaches across the console to take my hand in hers, giving it a squeeze the way I do when she’s the one feeling overwhelmed or afraid.

My first instinct is to pull away. It’s one thing for me to comfort her. It’s very different for her to be the one initiating contact and trying to reassure me.

I’ve always been different. My personality probably confuses the fuck out of a lot of people, not just my family. Hell, it confuses the fuck out of me sometimes. I’m laid-back. Easy-going. Sometimes goofy and occasionally hilarious. I like making people laugh. Brightening their day.

I also enjoy killing people who don’t deserve to have their day brightened. I can move a body and end a life without blinking or feeling bad about it.

When I get close to someone—which doesn’t happen often—my contradictory personality means there’s literally no limit to the things I will do for them. I’ll bend over backwards to make them happy. Put their needs before my own. Beg, borrow, and steal to get them what they want.

And I’ll kill to keep them safe.

As a result, I’m not close to very many people. It’s not easy to allow it when very few people would have my back the way I have theirs.

It’s terrifying, actually.

Maybe that’s why it was easy for me to feel close to my teammates. They would kill for me the same way I would kill for them. Can they be assholes? Sure, but so can I.

When it comes to women, things get even more complicated.

There aren’t many who are capable of offering what I can.

If I was good at casual situationships or temporary flings, it wouldn’t really be an issue.

But on top of being willing to kill for the people I care about, my dick also doesn’t get hard until I know someone.

Develop a level of trust and an emotional connection.

Like I have with Audrey.

I should be thrilled about it. Over the moon I’ve finally managed to click with someone. These past nine months—seeing Savannah and Zeke and what they have—I thought I couldn’t wait to find someone who would fit into my life.

Turns out it fucking terrifies me.

“Are you okay?” Audrey’s question is gentle, just like she is.

And because I can’t bear to see her unhappy, I force on a smile. “I’m good. Just trying to go over everything in my mind before we talk to Pierce and Intel.”

Her eyes widen. “ We ?”

“We.” I glance her way, feeling better now that I’m the one squeezing her hand reassuringly.

“They need to hear your story in your words. Intel might pick up on something I didn’t realize was important.

Plus, getting to hear it firsthand will remove any possibility something could be lost in translation.

” But there’s another reason I want Audrey to speak with Pierce and Intel.

“And it’s time to give them the contents of the flash drive. ”

Audrey stiffens. She’s clung to this flash drive like it’s her life preserver. Convinced herself it’s the thing keeping her alive.

But it’s not. It might actually be the thing that gets her killed. And someone else having access to all the secrets stashed on it might lower that risk since taking Audrey out will no longer get rid of the problem.

“I know you’re nervous about handing it over, but I think you’ll feel better after you get to meet everyone in person.” I tip my head from side to side as I clarify. “As in-person as we can get right now since we’re in Tennessee and they’re in Alaska.”

Audrey’s sitting a little lower in her seat, almost like she’s trying to make herself smaller. It’s a trauma response—one I’ve seen in a number of women around me, most recently Savannah—and the pain of seeing her shrinking is palpable.

It makes me feel a little bad for eating all of Zeke’s cookies since he faces a similar situation with his wife when she’s triggered and afraid.

“I know it’s scary, but I’m going to be there beside you the whole time.” Again, I squeeze her hand. “And this will get us one step closer to us finding Becca’s little sister.”

As I hoped, reminding her she isn’t the only one on the line has Audrey straightening in her seat.

Her chin lifts, and an expression of determination hardens her pretty features.

“You’re right.” She glances at the clock on the dash.

“What time is our meeting? If there’s enough wiggle room, we can go get the flash drive now. ”

“Where is it?” I haven’t pressed her about it. Didn’t want her to think I was trying to get my hands on it. It was her security blanket, and I wanted her to keep it as long as possible.

Unfortunately, her time hiding behind that digital wall of data is over.

“It’s in a safety deposit box at a bank Trevor doesn’t know I use.” Audrey opens my phone, and enters the bank into the GPS, rattling off the address as it calculates how long it will take us to get there.

The bank isn’t terribly far away, but going runs us right down to the wire. We hurry through the task of retrieving the drive, and it’s not too long before we’re back on the road, headed to the hotel. Rushing inside, we make it into our room with a few minutes to spare.

Audrey sits quietly while I set up my computer, logging into the special server Harlow and Heidi set up for us, before settling next to Audrey so both of us will be within camera range.

She jumps when the video call window pops up, her hands twisting tight in her lap as more and more faces fill our screen.

All of Intel isn’t at this meeting, but enough of them are here it probably is a little intimidating.

Even with the bulk of them smiling and looking thrilled to meet the woman who currently looks ready to throw up on her shoes.

Audrey has been so fucking brave today. First going to meet Becca and now facing down an entire group so she can tell them a story she hates. Admit to what she sees as her failings.

I know it’s going to be hard, but it has to happen. If for no other reason than so I won’t be the only one telling her none of this is her fault.