Page 16

The shower switches on, and I take off my robe, putting on the pajamas he picked for me before sliding under the covers.

I flick on my bedside lamp and wait, wondering if things will be strange when he comes back from his shower.

I don’t know what exactly I said to upset him, but I’ve never had such an easy time being around someone, and losing that opens a hole in my gut.

When Maddox comes back, he’s wearing a T-shirt and boxer briefs. He’s also wearing an easy smile instead of the closed-off expression he left with.

A little of the tension knotting my insides slips away, allowing me to breathe easier. “I hope I didn’t use up all the hot water.”

Maddox shakes his head as he rounds the bed to his side. “Nah. There was plenty.” Just like last night, he lays on top of the covers instead of getting under them.

I frown. “Do you not like blankets?”

He tucks one arm behind his head, head rolling my way. “I just figured you didn’t want me all up in your business like that.”

I laugh, because considering what just happened between us, I’m clearly okay with him being all up in my business.

“Stop being a weirdo and get under the blankets.” I roll toward him, reaching out to try to yank the covers from under his body.

He’s heavy and doesn’t budge, so I push his arm, gasping a little at how cold his skin is.

“I thought you said there was plenty of hot water?”

Maddox almost looks sheepish. “I’m sure there was, but I didn’t really need a hot shower,.”

My eyes skip and jump their way down to the front of his boxer briefs. “Oh.” He doesn’t look hard, so the cold water must have done what he intended. But I hate that he chose that option. Especially since there were other—in my opinion, better—options available.

“I would have taken care of that for you.” I pinch my lower lip between my teeth, curling my fingers close to my palm as I imagine what it would feel like to touch him. Not specifically down there, just in general. To let my hands roam over his bare body, exploring the weapon he’s honed it into.

Maddox sighs. “I’m starting to feel like you might not be a very good listener. I told you I was the one who would take care of everything, and that all you have to do is stay alive.”

“I know what you said, but just staying alive can get boring sometimes.” I haven’t experienced any of those times recently, but I’m sure they happen. “I’m going to need something else to do at some point.”

“Then you can play with my hair.” Maddox offers up an alternative that’s way less interesting than the one I proposed.

But it’s enough to redirect my focus, lifting it to the freshly washed waves on his head. “Do you really like to have your head scratched?”

He nods, giving me a slow smile that would probably light certain parts of me on fire if they hadn’t already been effectively subdued. “I do.”

I lick my lips, wanting to ask a question, but knowing I shouldn’t. At least this time I stop myself before being inappropriate.

“What?” Maddox asks, his voice soft. “You’re thinking something, and I want to know what it is.”

It’s so strange how well he reads me. I thought I was good at hiding my emotions, but maybe no one else ever really looked at me. Maybe no one cared to see them.

“No. I’m done being inappropriate tonight.” I go back to wrestling the blanket. “Now get under the covers with me.”

So maybe I’m not completely done being inappropriate, but at least I didn’t ask him if he would rather have his top head scratched or his other head stroked.

Maddox frowns at me. Not so much he looks like Murder Maddox again, but a little of his easy-going nature moves to the back burner.

“I’ve taken over your apartment. I raided your kitchen and infiltrated your workplace.

I don’t want you to feel like I’m everywhere and you have nothing left of your own. ”

“I don’t mind.” I scoot a little closer, reaching out to rest my hand at the center of his chest. Having him close reminds me he’s here.

That I’m not alone anymore. I know it won’t last, so I plan to savor every second of it.

“I like having someone here.” I almost leave it at that, but then I specify, “I like having you here.”

I don’t think I would feel the same way if Alaskan Security had sent someone else. Would I still feel safe? Possibly. But I wouldn’t feel comfortable like I do with Maddox. I wouldn’t feel secure or relaxed like he makes me feel.

And I would bet money I wouldn’t be laughing nearly as often.

“I told you earlier that I was lonely being here by myself on my own, but it’s been way longer than just the past nine months.

” I swallow hard, feeling emotional, but not vulnerable like I would expect.

It seems natural to be open and honest with Maddox.

To tell him my secrets and share my pain. “In some ways, I’ve always been alone.”

Maddox inhales deeply, then releases the air on a long sigh. His tall frame shifts around and he adjusts the covers, working them from beneath his body. The mattress jostles a little as he pulls the blankets over us both and reaches for me. “Come here.”

This is why it wouldn’t be the same if it was someone else here. They wouldn’t know what I need the way Maddox does. I’m not sure how he does it, but he’s able to read my emotions unlike anyone ever has.

And I’m not going to pretend like he’s wrong, so I wiggle around, scooting closer until I’m pressed against him, my head tucked against his pillow and shoulder as he envelops me in the warmth of his embrace.

His voice is low and rumbly, lips moving against where they’re resting against my head as he asks, “Why have you always been alone?”

“My parents were terrible. My mother was an alcoholic and my dad was a cheater and a narcissist who wasn’t interested in being a dad.” My upbringing was something I wouldn’t wish on just about anyone.

I grew up without physical affection or emotional connection. And it left me hungry. Starved and desperate. As a result, I ate whatever crumbs came my way and was grateful for the tiniest of scraps.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been with a man who genuinely liked me. Looking back, I was so desperate to have someone, I didn’t recognize that they were all just using me for one reason or another.” Or maybe I didn’t care. “When I met Trevor, I thought everything was going to get better in my life.”

That’s what he promised me, and I believed him. He was older. Successful. Well-groomed and respected within the community. I let myself believe he was my knight in shining armor. My happy ending.

But he was just another mistake. Just another man using me for his own gain.

“It can be difficult to find someone in this world who you’re compatible with.” Maddox slides his fingers into my hair, gently stroking through the strands as he continues. “Especially if you’ve never seen what a healthy relationship looks like.”

I lift my eyes to his face. “Do your parents have a healthy relationship?”

He gives me a small smile. “My parents are very happy together.” He continues petting me, each touch making my lids heavier and heavier. “But I’m not like them, so looking for what they have wasn’t really an option for me.”

I snuggle closer, the muscles in my body turning to liquid as his warmth soaks into me. “You mean they don’t kill people for a living too?”

Maddox chuckles, and I hear the sound rumble through his chest beneath my ear. “No. My parents are in marketing.”

A laugh sneaks out of me, because I cannot imagine what Christmas must be like at his house. “Do they know what you do?”

“Yes, but they pretend like they don’t, because they don’t get it.” His voice is softer when he says, “To be truthful, they don’t get me.”

“Oh.” My amusement is gone, replaced by sadness. “Do you have siblings?” I’m hoping he says yes. And that they are like him and they understand who he is and why he does what he does.

“A brother and a sister.” His fingers snag on a tangle, and he gently works it loose. “They’re in finance.”

Looping an arm around his middle, I squeeze him tight. “I’m going to guess that means they don’t understand you either.”

“No. They don’t.” Maddox seems to relax a little now that I’m holding him back. “I’m pretty much the black sheep of my family.”

“What you do is important.” It’s easy for me to defend him. Way easier than it probably should be to argue that the world needs mercenaries.

But knowing what I know?

“Actually, the world could probably use a few more people like you going around taking out the evil around us.”