Page 11

“I’d like to think you’re my friend,” I say. “Why?”

“I like you, Riah. A lot. I’ve liked you since before you were my assistant. I have refused to let myself show it because I never wanted to take advantage of you. Knowing that I was the one who you went to for help and you saying you see me as more than just your boss… I like you. A lot.”

“You said that twice,” I say. “Wanna know something, Roman?”

“I do.”

“I’m in love with you, but that makes me feel bad,” I say.

“How come?” he asks as he finishes, brushing my hair and turning me to face him.

“Because Huxley told me that he loved me. He said he didn’t know if it was a trauma connection or if he actually meant it, but he’s always cared about me.

I told him that I love him too, and I’m pretty sure I mean it.

It still might be a traumatic thing, but I don’t know what to think because I can’t love both of you. ”

“Says who?” Roman asks.

“Uh… society?” I ask.

“Who gives a rat’s ass?” he asks, making me laugh. “I have been in love with you for a long time, Zoriah. If you love me too, I will absolutely make you mine. When we find him and you two decide your true feelings, I will move that man into this house if it means you get to have both of us.”

“Is that why you always intentionally make me blush?” I ask.

“Yes,” he smiles. “Also, I think it’s cute.”

“And when I told you to make me?”

“You nearly broke me with that,” he admits.

“Well, you look scared of touching me, so I think I’m safe,” I laugh.

“You told me not to pity you, so I won’t. If you tell me to make you do something, I will make you right after I fuck that bratty attitude out of you,” he says.

“You sound so serious, but you look so scared,” I smile.

“Look… I was a virgin. Okay? I had never had sex before because it just never worked out. Huxley showed me something that might very well have turned me into a whore trying to chase that feeling. There are things that I need right now to function, so I need for you to be very fucking sure about your feelings for me. Don’t lead me along just to not be interested. ”

“What do you need, Zoriah?” he asks softly.

“I need stability. I need to know that when I inevitably fall apart, I won’t sink.

I need to find a pattern in life again so I don’t go whoring around to try to feel normal.

I need to heal and get back to work. After that, I need to find that feeling again.

I need to know that orgasms aren’t heartbreaking and I can feel that good again.

The vast difference between all of those men and Huxley was astronomical.

I need someone who doesn’t want to hurt me to make me come,” I say bluntly.

“Zoriah,” Roman says as he cups my cheek.

“I will be right here to be whatever you need. If you need someone to help push you, I’ll push.

If you need someone to hold you while you cry, I’ll hold you.

If you need someone to make you come, I won’t stop until you beg me to.

If we are in love the way we say we are, love doesn’t have limitations.

We don’t get to pick and choose when we care.

If finding a rhythm in life takes you three years, I will happily jerk off thinking about you until you are ready.

If you are never ready, I might have to look into one of those machines so I can pretend it’s you. ”

“It won’t be three years,” I laugh.

“Say what you want. Specifically,” he says.

“I want you and Huxley,” I say. “I want to get through the next few weeks, and then I need for you to fuck me like your salvation depends on it. I need to know that it’s possible to feel good naturally.”

“If I fuck you like my salvation depends on it, I have a few sins to get through first,” he smirks. “I’m here, Riah. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Probably should mention that I’m on birth control and they claimed to be clean. That said, I didn’t have any evil to spread,” I say.

“Okay,” he smiles. “Understand that I will not touch you until you make it very clear that you want me to. When you do, I can’t promise I’ll be gentle.”

“I don’t want gentle,” I say. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this aloud, but…

Not all of them used toys. Some of them just used lube and railed the fuck out of me.

No matter how I fought it, I always came.

If that can happen unintentionally, I want to know what it’s like when it’s intentional and consensual. ”

“I understand what you mean. You want to explore what happened to you consensually because you trust I’ll stop, right?”

“I know you will,” I say. “I trust you, Rome.”

“Good,” he smiles. “Your brother is behind you.”

“I bet he looks horrified,” I laugh and turn to see him.

“Not horrified,” Corbin smiles and hands me a plate before sitting beside me. “Dad is finally sleeping. He’s been awake for days now.”

“I’m glad he is sober,” I say. On the plate is a chicken wrap, so I grab it and start eating.

“Unless you want to puke, you should slow down,” Corbin says. “But I am glad too. He is blaming himself because you wanted to take him to rehab, and he thinks that if he had agreed, then you would have been taking him to a facility rather than being at home.”

“They had been planning that for weeks,” I say. “It was bound to happen eventually. I’m just glad Huxley was there.”

“You really love him?” Corbin asks.

“I do. I don’t know if he meant it or not, but… I think I’ve always liked him, but this just tipped the scales. The more I think about him before and after this, the surer I am,” I say.

“Well, he’s liked you for years. He had my permission, but Haley is a fucking idiot, so he avoided the topic,” Corbin says. “We will find him, and you three can make a gross little trauma-healing sandwich for the rest of your lives.”

“You two have talked before, haven’t you?”

“Me and Roman? Oh yeah. Months ago. I helped him understand your anxiety and how to help. I’m honestly surprised he’s lasted this long without telling you about his feelings,” Corbin says.

“I feel like I should be a wreck or something,” I say. “I’m sore and exhausted, but I’m just glad to be with you guys.”

“Are there rules for how to cope with rape?” Roman asks.

“Uh. I don’t think so,” I laugh.

“So, no one will get in trouble? The world will keep turning?”

“Yes,” I smile. “And you call me a brat.”

“I’m choosing to ignore that,” he laughs. “Heal however you want as long as you don’t put yourself in danger.”

“No bridge jumping?” I ask innocently.

“No, brat. No bridge jumping,” Roman says as he squeezes my knee. I giggle and pull away from him, making Corbin chuckle. “Ready to sleep?”

“Yes,” I sigh. “I can sleep on the couch or something. I am fine wherever.”

“You think so?” Roman asks, raising an eyebrow at me. “Get up there and lie down.”

“What? I’m not stealing your bed,” I frown at him. Corbin laughs and goes to stand at the door when I cross my arms over my chest.

“Zoriah. Please lie down. You need rest,” he says.

“Fine,” I say as I stand. “I will go downstairs.”

“Zoriah,” Roman warns.

“Good night, Roman. Thank you for helping me,” I say as I turn to the door. Corbin is gone, and the door is shut now, so I pull it open. As soon as I am about to step out, he smacks it shut and turns me around.

“Zoriah, I am really trying here,” he says.

“Trying to baby me,” I frown. “I am far too tired to fight you, but I will. Please move.”

“Well, you dropped your shiv on the front porch when you got here. Sucks for you, so go lie down,” he says.

“Where are you supposed to sleep if I’m in your bed?” I ask with a sigh.

“In my bed, Zoriah. Where else do you think I’d be?” he says. “If you think I am leaving you alone for one fucking second, you are about to learn a lesson the hard way. Now, go lay your cute little ass in the bed so we can both get some rest.”

“You’ve already said you are not touching me until I say so,” I say with a defiant tone. “So, either make me and live up to your promise to fuck the attitude out of me or move your goddamn hand so I can go lay on the couch.”

Roman grunts his disapproval before leaning down and sweeping under my feet to pick me up.

I unintentionally squeal as he carries me to the bed.

He lays me down before reaching under my body to pull the covers out from under me.

Once he has me covered, he leans down and whispers in my ear.

“This is your last warning, mi amor. Don’t make me have to spend the rest of our lives apologizing for what I will do to you. ”

I swallow hard and just look at him when he pulls back to study my face. I am not offended by his words. In fact, I want to piss him off so he will hate-fuck me. I can be sore later. “Uh…” I say finally.

“I can see your thoughts, Zoriah,” he smiles sweetly. “They’re all over your face and between those gorgeous thighs you have pressed together.”

“Fuck, you’re hot,” I say bluntly. He chuckles at my honesty and sits beside me with one arm over my body as he props himself up on his hand. He takes my other hand into his and rests it on his thigh. “I’m sorry…”

“For what?” he asks.

“Being a pain in the ass,” I say. “I feel like I am losing my mind.”

“How so?”

“All I can think about right now is you fucking the life out of me all while my vagina is begging me to shut the fuck up. I am sore and tired, but it’s stuck in my fucking head,” I say. “I feel like what they did to me broke me… Like I am just as crazy as they are.”