Page 18 of Sac-rifice (RBMC: Cleveland, Ohio Chapter #7)

Before I could answer, he scooped me into his arms and sprinted in the opposite direction of the one I saw the snake heading.

He jogged until we reached a clearing, and he put me down, looking at me with those sea green eyes with concern swimming in their depths.

“You’re bound and determined to put every fucking body before yourself, aren’t you? ” he said once he caught his breath.

“What? That’s not true,” I argued and glared at him hatefully.

“Liar.”

“I’m not lying. Actually, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“That, Cor! What in the actual fuck were you doing? It could have killed you, and you just sat there and took it, just like...” His voice trailed off before he finished his sentence.

I saw red. Heat hit my face like it was on fire, and my fingers curled into my palms, forming fists.

“Just like what, Shane? Just like I just ‘sit and take’ the abuse from Davey? That’s what you were going to say weren’t you?

” I made air quotations as I dared him to keep insulting me.

An indescribable pain slammed through my chest as his words found my heart, and at that moment, my heart felt too heavy to carry.

This was the first time in my life I understood what people meant when they preceded something sad with ‘It’s with a heavy heart.

’ How their heart felt was beyond describing it as metaphorically broken.

A person who used it actually felt the heaviness of their heart, and it was something people were never supposed to feel.

His hand ran over his head, and he nervously shifted his weight between his feet. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then how did you mean it? Because from where I’m standing there isn’t any other way to explain what you were just about to say.”

I took two steps toward him and smacked his bare chest.

“How could you? It’s not like I beg him to do it! How flippin’ cliché can you be?”

Another smack landed. “I guess the next thing that will come out of your mouth is that I ask for it, right?”

Smack.

Smack.

Smack.

“You of all people know how much I wish I could stop it. I hate him. I fucking hate him!” I sobbed and just as I lifted my hand to smack him again, he caught my wrist. I lifted the other hand and whacked him across the face before his fingers wrapped around my forearm.

“I know, Little Dove. Me too,” he responded in a hoarse voice, pulling me against his body covered in red handprints.

“Your chest!” My fingers lightly traced the outline of where I struck him.

“Shane, I’m so sorry!” I wept, realizing what I had done to him.

I was no better than Davey. I wasn’t able to control my anger any more than he was, and I had considered killing him in his sleep for what he had done.

What kind of person did that make me? Davey had taken his frustrations out on me for countless years, and I had read in a self-help book that the victim may abuse someone else in a like manner.

I thought that was crap at the time. I swore that I would never stoop that low.

Yet here I was unloading my anger on the one person I cared the most about.

The person who had cleaned my wounds and held me while I slept because I was afraid my abuser would find me and make me pay for escaping. I would never forgive myself for this.

“I’m so sorry,” I repeated over and over again. It was like I was a scratched record stuck on the same phrase. I didn’t know how many times I said it, but it didn’t seem like enough. I took a deep breath, and as I was getting ready to recite it another time, he pressed his lips against mine.

“It’s okay,” he comforted me, resting his forehead against mine. Tears rolled over my upper lip and dropped into my mouth.

I shook my head. He was wrong. I was a hypocrite, and I cussed.

I didn’t feel bad for the second; I just didn’t see the allure in using a few words that society coined as the most offensive.

Words were powerful. All of them. How you used them was what gave them strength.

What set me apart from a lot of people was my choice to give that power to my entire vocabulary and not limit myself to only using a handful of words that society gave more weight to.

“It’s not!” I argued, looking up at him through my eyelashes.

“Nothing, and I mean nothing, gives another person the right to hurt someone or something else simply because they can’t handle what’s going on in the world around them.

It’s not okay.” A fresh set of tears formed in my eyes and soared down my cheeks. I hated myself for hurting him.

“Okay. I agree…somewhat. It isn’t okay to hurt someone without cause, but not all pain is physical.

I hurt you first, and I’m sorry. I should have never said that.

I was just so mad at you. You’re the sweetest person I know.

I can’t understand why you don’t stand up for yourself.

You put everything and everyone before yourself, and this is the first time you didn’t. ”

“And look what happened. I hurt you.”

“What? This?” He looked down, running his hand over the fading marks that were now slightly pink and fading fast.

I glared at him.

“Corinne, I’ve had worse. Don’t you dare feel bad about defending yourself. I struck first. You remember that. If anyone hurts you, I want you to knock their ass out.”

“Mhmm,” I hummed, fully intending to not take his advice.

“Do you hear me? You don’t get to feel bad for taking up for yourself. I won’t let you.”

“But—”

“But nothing,” he reassured me, stroking his thumb over my bottom lip, wiping away the tears before they traveled down the rest of my face. “This one was on me.”

“Agree to disagree.” I playfully swatted at his chest, instantly recoiling my hand. He grabbed my hand and fed his fingers between mine with a soft smile on his face.

“I didn’t win this one, did I?”

I laughed. “I don’t think either of us did.”

He pulled our bodies together. “Come here, stubborn ass. I want another salty kiss from that sexy mouth.” I didn’t have time to respond or argue.

His lips were on mine, but this time was different than the first. His kisses were hard and desperate as if this moment was the only thing keeping him alive.

I didn’t question it, I kissed him back and allowed myself to forget the world with him if only for a little while.